Middle of day 4 :/

[Back2Me]

I guess I can say it's a LITTLE better that yesterday. Not a whole lot though. Depression and mind games still killing me. Stomache issues are at defcon 5, I am using immodium but it's still bad. At least the sweats are gone today thank god. I did do something productive today. I took my dog to the vet. She has had a blocked/infected nostril for about 2 weeks. Which tells you how irresponsible I have been. All broke and doped up.  Even my poor dog suffers from me. Now multiply thing like letting my dog suffer and by a million and that almost adds up to all the other horrible decisions I have made while on this crap. Well at least I blame it on that partially. I am normally not a person like this. I don't want to think i am anyway. But these are
the thoughts that have been making me want to drive head on into a huge semi or something. So many bad things I had caused/still causing. I just
want to get back to the normal me. Whatever
that is anymore. I have been " neglecting" my gf. It's been like a week and for anyone that knows
us knows that's impossible, we are really close like that. But you all know the routiene. Opioids kill the sex, and getting off kills everything. It's day 4 and I have finally noticed a little "life" down there ( stop laughing :). So today might be the day :). I still feel like driving into a bus, these horrible thoughts just won't leave me. And it's all Real stuff. It's just when coming off now it
all sinks in and is very hard to live with.

[cirene]

Glad to see I'm not the only one who's thinking is **c***.  I'm going nuts.  Serious depression and uncontrollable anxiety.  But I have a tdoc and I'm going to see if I can get in to see my pdoc today.  I'm bipolar as it is and fear I've triggered something bad by quitting CT.  Maybe you should consider some sort of treatment now?  Dunno - just a thought.

[Back2Me]

Yeah this is a great place for that. My physical is not as bad as the mental right now at all. I mean I still have physical, tired, temerature changes, stomach issues, sinuses. But not too terrible. Just the mental is debilitating. I will be seeking a professional therepist after this one. Not ready for n/a just yet but I know now I have to do something hopefully I can find an affordable one. No insurance :(

[disgustedwithmyself]

I'm glad you are doing a little better. I have been reading your posts and I know you can get thru this!!! The mental for me is horrific I have 3 kids and they argue at just the wrong times when that happens i pop in my ozzy black rain cd and jump around like an idiot :) when my kids hear ozzy they know I'm about to blow but they sometimes join me and by the time the cd ends we are all laughing at each other and things dont seem so bad. All i am trying to say is i have faith you can do it it has been 79hours for me and reading your posts have given me hope so Thank you :)

[RebeccaM]

So glad to hear it's a little better!!! It will be even better tomorrow and better than that the day after! You are on your way. I am on day 3 and not feeling too bad physically. Hang in there....your name says it all, you are almost back2you!!  Take care.

[dominosarah]

Congrats on 4 days!!!  You can do this!!!   sara