Moving Forward

[shauna268]

Hi there, I have been an oxy user for over 5 years now. When I was 21 I battled through detox and was clean for over 4 years. After ending a 5 year relatonship that turned for the worse I found myself going to my comfort zone of oxys. I thought I could use with control..and just for fun. After two months I realized I was introuble. Not only have I let my family down, I have lost everything to my name. I have a lavish lifestyle...which is now gone. Everyday I wake up and hate myself for being back in this position which I thought I beat. I took the route of tappering with my doctor...week by week my dose is lowered. I also have weekly meetings with my withdrawl mgt support. I feel like I am taking all the right steps..but how do you get out of the depression? I find myself sometimes in this dark place and can't understand why? I was once the girl who everyone wanted to me...I am now the girl who everyone wispers and talks about. The confidence I was had...gone...I just feel like my life took a direction I vowed it would never go. I know this is the last straw and support by my family and friends....How do I build myself back up, and mentally tell myself I am not weak and I can beat this??

[shauna268]

It's funny because I know eactly what to do..the steps I have taken are the right steps towards progress, recovery and success. Tomorrow will be week four of my tappering, and I will be down to 30mg 3x daily...so 3- 20mg and 2- 10mg. The closer to the ending I find myself becoming anxious. I am so habit fourming of snorting my pills...that once my tapper is complete, I think this will be my biggest challenge. Any help or suggestions?

[Dav125]

Making a "things to accomplish" list is a good idea..Start with some somple things and then add some, little by little each day..It kinda like going into a relearning process. And over time, these things will come back to you where you automatically start getting back in a productive routine without having to think about it..Remember, there was a time in your life that that things your struggling with now were not an issue back then. You can find your way back to that place. Set the goal and keep working on it a little each day...

[shauna268]

Thank you to those of you who took interest into my story, and offered your sincere opinions and support. Sometimes being 25 and an addict, it is difficult to understand why our family members begin to "police" our actions so to speak, but you're responses remind me exactly why. It has been my actions that have caused these levels of distrust, and the "policing" by my support network is mainly out of concern, and their attempts to ensure I only succeed. It was really difficult for them to understand how exactly I could "relapse" when I am on a tapping program already. Every morning my dose is placed out for me. All it took was that one night of binging to realize how quickly I was destroying my family, and tampering with my own recovery success. Yesterday my sister, whom I have virtually ruined my relationship with, but still is holding on to help me recover, suggested that every night I write down THREE simple tasks. Three tasks that I need to complete that day..for myself. So examples being 1) Take the dog for a walk 2) wash my hair and paint my nails 3) call service Canada to enroll for EI while I am waiting for inpatient. What do you think of this??

[jstntime]

Wow, what amazes me is the fact that all of the stories centered around painkillers could almost have been written by the same person.  The only thing that seems to change from story to story are the usernames.

Tom has written a great response to you above and is correct in saying that your actions will speak louder than your words.  Don't be discouraged by those close to you that will doubt your sincerity in battling your addiction.  You have given them reason to doubt you based on your actions.  You need to use those same actions to show them that you mean business.  That is ALL you can do to build their trust......SHOW THEM.

Don't be so hard on yourself.....remember.....Failing is not the falling down but the STAYING down.  Get up, dust yourself off and prove to everyone including yourself, how capable you are in overcoming this.

You are WORTH it and we are all pulling for you!!!!!!

bob

[Tab57]

Hi Shauna,

An addict has to be ready to receive help in order for it to be effective. It sounds like you are there. Getting there and staying there is the tough part.

My nephew is battling addiction and I have tried to help him but it has done no good simply because he is not ready for help. I can't explain to you how frustrating this is to family members and close friends. Right now he is jail on a felony charge. He gets out next month and I am to pick him up in Florida. He has nothing to his name and no future prospects for good employment with a felony on his record.

An addict should not use any type of drug or alcohol for recreational use. This is just asking for trouble.Getting professional help like you are is defintely the right step to take. The only thing I feel that you have left out is be honest with family and friends. Please tell them everything including how you are addressing you issues now. You probably will have doubters in crowd because of your past history. Don't be discouraged. Moving down the road let your recovery effort actions speak for you.

Invite people to go to you treatment session with you. They may have to wait in the waiting room the whole time but at least they can see for themselves what you are doing. This will help with the credibility issue as your credibility is probably very low with them right now.

As far as your depression and need for inner strength is concerned, I think that you need continue to attend supoport group meetings. Be active in them and as you continue to stay clean and level with all of the people that you have hurt with your actions that things will get better with your depression over time.

I ask that you see also post to my new forum entitled Support for Family Members and Friends of Addicts. Please post from the perspective the family and friends who have tried to help you in the past. I would really appreciate that.

Keep up the great work and let me now if you have more questions or concerns. Please keep me posted on your progress.

Tom

[Dav125]

My best guess is remembering we were strong before the pills messed everything up. I'm struggling with the same. And I've beaten many things over the years but this demon plays by a totally different set of rules..But thats where I'm trying to draw my strength. From that person that was strong before...All I can think of is keep trying..Something has got to give eventually..