Need Roxie detox advice

[Amac45]

Despite my better judgement and gut instinct, my Roxie addicted 18 year old daughter will return to my home tonight and will be on total lock down indefinitely. She smokes Roxie's daily but I am not certain of the amount. She claims 2 in at least the last 18 hours. She doesn't have health insurance and I am not loaded. County resources in our area are not viable. I will be trying this solo for immediate time being and am looking for some straight up, bare bones info on what I can anticipate and when. I'm also looking for any advice on how I should bet respond to minimize antagonizing the likely horrific demons she will soon face and any input on home remedies or stuff to have on hand to try to alleviate the unbearable if possible. Any info or insight or any ideas you have are immensely appreciated. I'm scared and clueless. I want my kid back but I don't even remember what she was like.

[AShellof_Me]

Hi there ~
You have a lot great responses here, so I'm just here to lend some added support and share my experience... and undergird what has been said about you getting support by jugglin and lulu. Al-anon and Nar-anon and MedHelp forum - Addiction: Living with an addict are all great resources... there's also celebrate recovery through the church which I used to attend.

I have been on both sides of this fence. I am a recovering addict. I went 41 years of my life as a normal productive church goin' gal - and then I became very sick... I allowed circumstances to overwhelm me with support. I didn't reach out for help when I so desperately needed it - I was too proud to admit I needed help actually. Addiction became a very real part of my life, and it was hard tough journey regaining my life. Everyday - one day at a time, I lean heavily on my God to sustain me. I now have almost 4 years clean and sober and I am grateful.

Why do I tell you this... my son is 27... he is a heroine/meth addict. He has been a chronic relapser for 10 years. He fought with depression at a very young age... learning disabilities... you name it... it's been a journey. Have I beat myself up? You bet. Did that help him? No way. Did it make me sick? It sure as hell did. My son is still out there... This is HIS journey. My heart breaks every day. But I've come to know that I am powerless over his addiction... so I can let go and know God is in control. And each day I can relinquish him in to the hands of a precious and loving God who knows better than I. This gives me some peace.  I have hope.

It sounds like you have been and are doing some amazing things to support your daughter's recovery... and as long as she is open, willing, and honest, this is ALL great!  

So, part of grieving - and that's what I hear in your writing... and frankly, that's what we mothers go through when we see our kids going through this hell - right? I mean, we feel angry... but that's part of grief. Anger and frustration. If we only felt sad, we would just crumble and never be able to move. I think perhaps... only perhaps this anger you may be feeling is HELPING  you - giving you the energy you desperately need to get through ALL of this right now. It takes a certain kind of hyper vigilance... right?  I've been there. But you cannot sustain it... and that's why I so encourage you to - while supporting your daughter - to also support YOU :). When we love an addict, we can become sick physically, emotionally, and spiritually... and that's truly a dangerous place to be. YOU deserve to be healthy as your daughter is getting healthy. It's okay to be happy. Ya know? You are at the beginning of a healthy journey with your daughter and I am praying for you both as you follow this path together. Remember, this is HER journey mamma. You can love her; you can assist her and find her resources... but this is her life journey. She and God have a plan for her... a testimony to share one day.  Just as you have yours and I have mine. :)  

Praying for your peace today. May you have the wisdom you seek as you travel this path and the comfort of a Holy and ever present God.

[lulu747]

You are a good mom.  A great mom.  Please do not waste time beating yourself up.  I would echo the words of jugglin and get yourself to an alanon meeting.  Great support and so you can look at your own stuff too.  You need and deserve all the support you can get.  You gotta make sure you put your oxygen mask on first before you can get hers on...Ya know?  This will be a great journey for both of you as mother/daughter.  I did my detox at home with my parents and it healed so much between us.  We were close before but now...Now we just have this unbelievable bond because they went through war with me and had my back always.  This being said, I really really wanted to get clean and did A LOT of work on myself to get there.  I couldn't have done it without that desire to be clean above all else, but I also could not have done it without their unconditional love.
You sound like an awesome woman a real tough cookie (my fave)
Please take care of you.  It will inspire your daughter to take better care of herself.  You can't fight this battle for her...But you can definitely help her strategize.
Sending support and many kudos to you...
LU

[jugglin]

Hi There - what a beautiful post from a compassionate, loving, selfless mother.  You may not see that in your words but they scream out at me. As others have said, be patient these first several days as she is dealing with the physical wd's.  You can support her thru this, but you can't make her be sober after, she has to want to be sober.  Seeking her medical help and encouraging her sober friend to be around are huge.  We all have stories that led to our addictions...health and mental issues, childhood issues, loss of loved ones, physical and mental abuse. But in the end, addiction is an illness with nobody to blame. Only we can choose to fight our addiction. Your strength and love are a great example to her.
With that said, make sure you are taking care of you as well. You need support as others have pointed out. There is a living with an addict forum on this site that can provide support as well as Al-Anon.
Keep posting...any time you need to talk, ask questions, or just vent we will all be here to support you. Sending you both prayers of strength, comfort, healing, and encouragement!

[Amac45]

I can have terrific moments but I'm not a terrific mom because, were I, I would have been paying closet attention and intervened more quickly. I would have recognized the warning signs, not have underestimated the severity of her problems, been proactive and all other things terrific. This child had so much in her favor and was well liked, socially connected, active, outgoing...she's now like a barren shell of her former self. What gets me most is the seeming lack of empathy...I suppose I'm guilty of all I see deficient in her. We are so much alike in so many ways. Arggg I do feel very grateful for support even from strangers as I don't have many friends which is, to some degree , a result of my kid's addiction.  Prior to the addiction, she's had the diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder and we've spent the bulk of last 5 years bouncing from NAMI caregiver classes/support groups, psychiatrists, social workers, family counseling and so on and so on. No surprise co-morbidity eventually got us here. It's difficult to assess which condition to focus and treat first and I fear that once the addiction is manageable, the true battle is back and it's a vicious, isolating prison within which to function. Her moods, my moods, behaviors are erratic, unpredictable and to invite others in to witness it all is embarrassing, frightening, humiliating. My child doesn't get that her depression IS my depression too and her recovery is my recovery. Another poster said she didn't want to see her mother see her hurt herself like that again. I have never heard such sentiment from my child. She doesn't see how anyone else is impacted by her choices. I had a fiancé I couldn't let get shackled to this poor imitation of a life so I purposely drove him away, said horrible things to ensure he'd hate me too much to ever return and I was deadly accurate. I knew I was stuck in her muck an was required to be for life but he wasn't so I freed him. I want to be free too. I want my kid to be freed most because an 18 year old body should not be the vessel that carries a single mom's struggles and resentment, an absent father's inadequacies and abandonment, the complexities and stigma of a mental illness, suicidal thoughts and the statistical consequences of dropping out of school. That's too much for such a young soul. It's like she has no memory well of anything better to want to strive for. There's nothing underneath all that to offer enticement or motivation to fix the bad so she can get back to the good. There's too little good to inspire.

[Ben727]

Echoing Vicki. You need support too. You're doing a great job, but don't forget to take care of yourself.

[vicki595]

Hi there-  Add to your list some Motrin, Epson salts for the hot bath ( unbelievably soothing; she'll want to stay there!) and some multi Vits. Be sure she drinks water and Gatorade at least...

I can understand your anger and impatience with all of this...but try to keep in mind that we don't choose addiction; it chooses us. It's a disease of the brain and recovery is possible. Addicts, especially during detox, are vulnerable, emotional, and sick...there will be an opportunity to share your feelings with her down the road but right now your love and support will help a great deal. You won't screw this up if you just support her, hug her, and keep her safe.

Also, YOU need support so call on those close to you and stay close here. You're doing a great job so far and I can tell you're a terrific Mom!

[livy0909]

With everything she is going through you just need to be there for her and show support these first few days feel like it's going to suck forever for her and you but don't worry it won't. My mom helped me through this at home and I've been clean ever since. It meant something to me that she was there and I never want her to see me hurt myself like that again.  Try and stay supportive I know the drugs cause a lot of damage but she is taking a big step here so make sure she sees that you know this is hard. But I'm sure she also is acting  like it's worse than it is. It's hard because it is mind altering and the body is trying to fix everything all at once which is painful.

[Amac45]

I'm beginning to think I should miss work today and shouldn't leave her unsupervised. Trouble is no work no pay and with what I can put in place for insurance comes with a staggering 6k deductible so I'm torn. She is on hour 30 now and the irritability persists, her pallor is ruddy and almost clay like, she's got major congestion, insomnia, fatigue but does have appetite and isn't vomiting. I'm waiting for a rehab to call back to start her on evaluation and hopefully outpatient services. A good friend of hers who is 100 days off Roxie's and heroin and had travelled with the circle my kid has just left is supposed to visit and haul her *** to a meeting and be otherwise available to talk her thru so with this forum, this angel of a friend and a possible rehab in works, I'm more relaxed and slowly gaining confidence. I just don't want to eff her up by saying or doing the wrong thing. I'm still so angry with my kid at all the chaos, havoc and destruction she's caused and I find it hard to filter it and this may translate to an insensitivity that she does NOT (unsurprisingly) like and will respond in kind which can ripple blah blah blah...I don't want this anger and resentment to overshadow the love and worry and hopes I do still have for her...so frustrating. I want it fixed so madly I'm scared I'll **** it up even more. Make sense?? Thank you for responding. I'll keep y'all posted:((

[Amac45]

I'm off to get the tea and some icy got and will clean the bathtub for soon use. We may have insurance in place which is awesome as I am feeling incompetent and out of my league and would hate to be responsible for derailing her with a dumb careless response. Thank you for all your input. I may message you once I clear pesky tasks out of gutters in my head.

[Amac45]

Thanks for your response and support. We are now at hour 30 and I'm scrambling to secure her lapsed insurance and get to a center for evaluation. I'm thinking this is bigger than both of us and my ignorance about this drug and addiction has me underestimating the severity of her withdrawals. She says she wants this and lord knows I do. I'm worried though that my exhaustion and disgust with this entire road she's been on will translate to insensitivity for her plight and she will feel belittled. Then again, I don't want to coddle her and get manipulated...such a fine line to travel. Thank you though. Truly am appreciative:)

[gnarly_1]

Hi and welcome to the forum....well I have 5 kids and one of them went astray at 13 and things spiralled down deep b/4 they got better as for roxys it seams like all the kids are doing them your daughter will get sick for around 4 or 5 days she will not sleep and probably not eat this is doable at home  a hot bath will help the most it takes away the chills and the ''creepy crawling skin'' as for preperation pick up a case of gator aid some Epsom salt for the bath  if you go to walgreens or walmart there is a herbal remedy in with the vitamins and herbals called highlands restful legs  it really helps with the restless legs you will see why they call it kicking the habit you literally kick uncontrollably  this is 1/3 phyical and 2/3 mental try to let your daughter come on to our web site we can help her first hand keep us posted on how she is doing so post often I  think I have said this a million time on here...''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile  this is best described as a really bad case of flu with major panic anxiety  if you believe in God as I do prayer really helps  God is all you got a 3 in the morning when your up shaking just know if your daughter is healthy you shouldent have to many problems the one thing you need to watch for is dehydration if she cant hold any thing down take 1 shotglass of gator aid every 15 min this is a minim keep in mind the more the better your body goes into a freek out and your running to the bathroom every 20 min keep posting for support and ask all the questions you have good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[livy0909]

Hey! I'm olivia I'm 23 and I never smoked any of the stuff but I was taking hydrocodon and oxy. When I finally decided to get clean here's how it went for me and I hope this helps. First I got the upset stomach and could not stop going to the bathroom but that she will need to get past it's getting out of your system that way but make sure she is drinking a lot of liquid cause that will help make it a lot easier on her and it hard to want to eat drink or even move. She will want to just be in a bed and not do anything but warm baths help a ton she may say she doesn't want to move but get her in a bath with music she likes and just relax that will help a lot. I got really bad restless legs and my mom put the muscle rub like icy hot on me and that helps calm it down. Ibprofin helps the pain a lot too. She will have anxiety and feel panicked I'm sure I did. And benadryl helps calm and helps her get sleep that will be the hardest part not getting much sleep and having to live every moment of the withdrawals. I would take the benadryl and a sleep aid at night. Also they have a great tea at Walmart called sleepy by tea it's great cause she will have the chills and that helps the body feel warm so she can relax a little. The first 2 days are the worst physical part of it the mental will take a little time. But if you like you can send me a private message if be glad to help anyway that I can there area lot of little tricks to help and I can answer anything I forgot to mention is hard to get all of it and not forget something. Good luck here if you need help along the way.  

[ricart70]

Hi there

I am very sorry you are going through this. She is going to be sick but She is probably going to act sicker than She is. How long has She been doing this by the way? I hope She will be willing to tough it out and stay there once the withdrawals start. We can't make people get clean or stay clean but we can help them if they truly desire to quit. I would get plenty of gatorade and coconut water and make sure that She stays hydrated. If She can tough it out for a few days then things will get easier and She should become more clear headed. Some of us stop on our own but most of us find it very hard to reason while we are putting a mind altering substance into the very thing that we use to reason with. All you can do is help her get her head clear and if She wants to stay clean after that, She will. Just hang in there and take it day by day and try not to get too stressed out because it really is up to her in the long run. My thoughts and best wishes are with you friend. ;)