Anxiety......

[Greatgreebo]

It's Greebo here....been lurking, not posting. So-my half a$$ attempts to quit for the last two years have lasted for a few months at a time- but this time it's different. I've got some fairly serious medical stuff going on and have to quit-I want to quit...and I have...and haven't touched anything for 10 days..........I now have a new, lovely WD symptom that I've NEVER had to deal with before..
The anxiety attacks from heck.........I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin-and it gets worse with every day that goes by. I'm used to the 5-7 days of feeling like **** physically, but I've never had this longstanding anxiety. I could just PM my friends here-but I need to take my big girl pill and fess up publically for my sins :-(  Hopefully somebody who is only into this mess of a life by a few months or even years can and will take heed and quit now-I'm a 10 yr abuser with long periods of clean...but like I said-this new symptom is a killer.
I would do almost anything to get rid of this feeling......but use. I've found my rock bottom and it isn't pleasant.
HOW LONG??
I should know the answer to this but I need to hear from someone else.......Man!! how do I get myself into this mess time and time again!?!...oh wait, I know, I abuse pills.
sigh..............whimper....................help

[dominosarah]

Good morning......Is the anxiety better today??

[Greatgreebo]

Thanks! I'll give it a shot...good news is I can't feel any worse than I do now...so I have no where to go but up from here!
I'll keep you posted on how my handfull of supplements makes me feel (probably sick to my stomach if I'n not careful!)
Stay strong,
Greebs

[desperado57]

First, I want to wish you the very best of luck.  I have been abusing benzos in my quest for relief from the anxiety that has plagued me for the past 35 years, but I'm working very hard to get better.  But, enough about that,..... this is not about me.

A supplement blend that I have found helpful contains valerian root, passion flower, lemon balm and hops.  I like this combo a lot.  It doesn't provide any sustained relief for me, but then again, I've been so entrenched in the anxiety for so long I really didn't expect it to.  For you, as this is a temporary problem, I think it may indeed be very helpful.

If you have never used valerian root before, be prepared!  When you open the bottle, you'll swear that there's an old, sweaty sock stuffed in there!  LOL!!  The aroma is not pleasant, but it doesn't taste the way it smells, and you won't get nasty burps, etc. Kava Kava is another one that is helpful, but it is advised to take them for no more than two weeks before taking a break from them.

I am looking at a bottle of the valerian root combo I have....it's made by Nature's Bounty. Nature's Bounty' number is 800-433-2990.  They should be able to direct you to a retailer in your area that carries the blend.

Again, good luck.

Be well,

Sue

[dominosarah]

I know you are on the up swing now and i am so happy about that.  I always worry......I should of had your name!!!!!  

[worried878]

I promise/cross my heart/that i will...but i am on the upswing....i am proud of myself..starting my own consulting business...i have moved forward..i dint let it get me down too long..but i did go down...and it was a very dark plaace...i am on the way up now tho...so dont worry bout me

Laura

[dominosarah]

If you ever feel those dark moments again you get your butt on this forum and talk with us.....You are so loved and respected here.       sara

[worried878]

Igmodus went back to his x...she came down hard when we decided to get married....she framed him at 43/no children and he had raised 3///and the 9 yr old was held over his head like a ransom note....she won/but not really...he was laid off work and couldnt pay the 1200 bux a mth child support...she is uneducated/a foul mouthed redneck so her power/gas was constantly being cut off etc...it was his son living without power so more and more money was forked out....she cost him 2000 bux a month easy...not making excuses cos i think he played a big part in this..emotional ties i did not see..nor do i care anymore...when he gets a job he will be gone..she will give him he11...and she will burn him on the child support he is not having to pay cos he is a pus and went back...cant compete with all that..and do not want to anyway

in the middle of this i lost my job....a dark time...family issues as well...dint eat for a week..it was too much in 72 hrs...and i almost lost it..but i didnt..and i am still alive!

and u will be ok as well...we all will be if we wanna be    right?...mind over matter...we only feel what we let ourselves feel..i am lucky i didnt crash into a hydro high...lucky i didnt shoot myself in the head but i didnt have a gun!  teasing but those thoughts crossed my mind..even wrote a suicide note to my family and close friends....wrote it but said....tomorrow will be another day....and never really intended on doing it...and think writing the note was therapuedic for me....suicide is a chicken sh1t thing to do...leaves those behind u feeling awful/guilt ridden..i know cos my grandfather did it...and i cleaned up the mess 2 days later when we found him/being a nurse i was the only one in the family  who could deal with the mess/i felt awful seeing him in the bed...shot himself in the head/blood everywhere...and i felt bad cos i knew he was lonely and i dint spend the time i shoulda with him

we all have dark spots in our lives....but i think it makes us stronger everytime we come outa a dark time/a doomer time///i still do not c the lesson i shoulda learned from my last "fall apart" scenario...only knowi am a survivor at heart

and u r too...stay in touch girl

....would never do sumpin like that due to my religious beliefs and the pain i would leave behind...but i was in a dark enuf place to where i c how people do sumpin like that  

[dominosarah]

I remember all the advice i would get from worried when i first came here.  She would tell me to get out and exercise....She was 3 months clean at the time and i used to follow her around on here reading every post and taking it all in.  Oh wait i still do!!!!!!  She has a way of bringing things into perspective......

Aftercare is a must.......we always have to keep our guard up and respect this addiction.  My bottom had many trap doors and each opening got smaller and smaller.  You gotta reach out girl.  We cant do this alone.            sara

[Greatgreebo]

congrats on the little purple astik....I so want one of those!!! I'm sure the newfound anxiety will go away. I did this to myself and chose to start using again. I'll survive-with all of you guy's help...thank you!!
stay strong
greebs

[Greatgreebo]

So happy to hear from you!!! yep.....i was rocking it for sure-I"m 100% for aftercare...everyone needs someone. Because of my job I have to rely on medhelp and then I got comfortable and then cocky and then feel off the wagon....hence my hat-in-hands approach to my post.
So, you had to get rid of honey? It was so stressful on you-and you can not comprimise yourself for someone else! You know this. I totally get it-it is SO easy to turn to alcohol-and can get ugly, very quickly.
avisg and hopsing rock. I think hopsing hangs on the social side----not that I've been around for a few months. Like I said-I got comfortable. All of us, forever have to be vigilant. There is no 'cure' for our disease. We have to live with it forever.
Have you found another job? Nurses are needed everywhere!! You will bounce back.

I remember the first day you wrote on medhelp and I knew you where serious and I wanted to help. I guess it's my turn to reach out and ask you for help in return.
We'll make it together.
write me back-I've missed you!!
S

[dominosarah]

I cant really add anything to what they have already told you.....Just wanted to lend you some support.            sara

[worried878]

his name just came back to me....hopsing

[worried878]

girlie...u were one of the first people to approach me here...and help me get off hydro...u and avisg...and a guy who went on sub and i cant recall his name right now

anyway u helped me lots..u know how to do this so u r reaching out for help...but u know the game plan!   if u r truly at ur rock bottom then u will make it this time...everyone's bottom is different...being frugal/going broke was enuf of a bottom for me///but not everyone...when ur habit exceeds ur scrips...u slowly go broke..tis a fact

I hate this frickin disease...it never goes away..times of stress causes me/and many others/to revert to old behaviors...and i hate that...my life fell apart in the last 2 mths/lost my fiance/my job/my family in a way/and i was being a good lil girl//clean and everything...turned to alcohol//quicjkly realized i was using it like i did the pills..to escape...we r escape artists...and in real life that just dont work..we gotta cope

what r u doing this go around as far as a plan?  I am not sure if u r an aftercare advocate or not

but i love u...and keep me posted

LAURA

[Greatgreebo]

You both have always been there for me.............no more going it alone.

[avisg]

I wont ever lose faith in you but you have to stay in touch and stop trying to go it alone .Everyone needs help sometimes.:)

[Greatgreebo]

I'll get the supplements tomorrow....thank you for not losing faith in me.
If I know it will go away in a few weeks, I'll live
It ***** not knowing when it will stop

[Greatgreebo]

I'm so glad to talk to my friends..............I was doing so well and kept thinking 'oh, I'll check in tomorrow' and tomorrow turned into next month and next month turned into the end of the summer and then I fall of the wagon when a car smacks me-I actually used the pills for the pain, a total of 30 and flushed the rest.....I made it for a week but the 90 pill refill was too much for me and when I got it and used, I was so ashamed...and then I couldn't check in with you guys because I was so embarrased and ashamed and disgusted.....but then I realized I was also lonely and I needed to admit what I had done to my friends. So, here I am-10 days into being clean (again). The anxiety is new and terrifying and believe me, not a feeling I will soon forget (provided it goes away)

I'm Greatgreebo and I'm a drug addict.................nice to see you all again and please forgive me.

[avisg]

yes I used to have panic attacks that would wake me in the middle of the night .It would scare me but they let up with a few weeks I took the 5hpt and a magnesium/calcium supplement b6 and b12 IT WILL GO AWAY I know there are supplement strictly to help anxiety I hope hoping someone will chime in .If not I will find it ...
C

[Greatgreebo]

Glad to here from you..........yep, my rock bottom had a sub-sub-sub basement---but this new symptom is terrifying. It has really scared me. I can't do this again.....I won't do this again.........the brief haze I get from the pills is not worth this. I guess I never really understood how terrifying this anxiety thing can be.
I have no more sub-basements. I can't go lower than this. It's been 10 days and the shaky, sweaty, anxiety is NOT going away.
I fired my old doctor. got a new one and was REALLY honest. It was hard to do-but I did it. They're on board with me and said no antianxiety pills for at least a month.......they think this is temporary and will go away within the month.
the thought of going that long is killing me..........I'm gonna be doing more than lurking for the next 20 days!
mentally I'm feeling strong and don't want the pills-just want the creepy crawlies to end

[Greatgreebo]

I was doing so well for so long!!!....then got hit by a car (long story) jacked up my back-actually was only using the pills as prescribed--but you know us addicts- ....had a 90 pill refill left and if I'm going to be honest-I didn't need the refill. But.........anyway, It was a 10/325 Norco free for all. 90 pills-2.5 days.......I'll be lucky if I get out of this with a liver intact!
Anyway, this anxiety thing has definately freaked me out. I will not live my life taking pills to keep the anxiety away----it's too much. I've really never experienced this particular WD symptom...and it is a killer. I get it-OMG, I get it. This sh*t is going to kill me and I'm done---but it's been 10 days and the anxiety only gets worse.
I know it could go on for weeks-but then I'll feel better right??
I'm so glad you are here today---almost called it's so bad!!
how long...........?
greebs

[IBKleen]

Welcome back pretty lady!

It is way too late and I am way too tired to beat you up tonight. Maybe tomorrow. LOL

I know this sounds strange but I am glad you hit your bottom before it gets too deep. I hit mine a few times actually and found that my bottom floor had a basement. Not fun but it was what I needed to get to the other side.

Glad to see you and you know I mean that. I am relieved to see you back and when you can, tell me what you are going to do different this time? Tell us. Yes, two years is a long time for you to still be on the merry-go-round and I so worry you will fall off while it is still spinning.

You need to make some changes and you need to do something different this time to stay clean. You are a good, intelligent and funny person and I don't want to see you go down so far that you can't get back up.

I am sorry that the anxiety has gotten to you. Breathe, stop and breathe. The more we go through withdrawal, at least for me, the more different symptoms appear. We can only abuse our bodies and brains for so long when something starts to give. Apparently that is happening to you right now. Many addicts need to take depression or anxiety medication after getting clean and there is no shame in that. It may be as simple as it being a temporary chemical imbalance that can be corrected.

Please, please hang in there and get through this. We are all here for you S and we want you to make it. Be good to yourself hun. It is quiet tonight so be patient with people coming in to advise you. Send me a message when you can. I do miss you!

Big hugs..........

[avisg]

Girl ,yup its time to pull up the big girl panties and get it done .You know I love you to death but dont want to keep going down this road over and over .I think there are some supplement thats might help.what and how much were you taking hun.exercise might help
C