Still Using OC

[Demons_Within]

I have been Addicted to Oxy's for over a year and I snort over 100 mgs a day, My family recently found out about my addiction because my fiancee is so worried about me.  I have not been able to stop taking them for the last 6 months all the time when I can.  My Finances are a wreck, I am depressed as ever, I am trying to sell my house, I am about to be a father, and I just got sentenced with 3rd Degree assault for defending myself and breaking someones jaw on their property and I have to pay 30k in restitution for med bills and surgery.  I am at rock bottom and I feel like I am about to lose everything, I am a 20 year old junkie and I lie to my family and friends and scheme and hustle people to come up with money for drugs.  I hate who I have become and I feel like an empty shell, its a constant battle and I feel like I am possessed by a demon that just grabs hold of me and makes me binge away all of my money no matter what the consequences are.  Any advice from someone who has made it throught the withdrawals and on to recovery would be deeply appreciated as its only a matter of time before I lose everything I love in this world; my Fiancee, my Job, my family's support, my home, Oxycontin is a Demon that has enslaved me.
I take about 5 20mg doses per day on Avg. Its so hard to stop and I just keep getting more

[morganave]

it is me Morganave,
we really have to stop meeting like this.  I can not imagine what it would be like to show up at a clinic and have them know you by your name and face.  I can just feel the anxiety starting in my chest for you wondering if you would get caught or get pills.
I had a very severe migraine, I went to the ER, they gave me tramadol.  I did not ask for anything stronger.  Tramadol always works for me.  When I left the gave me a script for 10 percs.  Took them to WG to have them filled the next day.  The pharmacist caught the fact that I had meds just like it filled two weeks earlier, that was susposed to last a month.  She took my script, called the ER.  I almost **** my pants, had a panic attack and knew I had no meds to get through till Monday when I had another appt.  I was very worried I was going to have a flag on my name.  Nothing ever happened.
I can only imagine what you must have been going through just to get enough pills to last you till the next day or so.  Why do we do this to ourselves?

[christos24]

hey i totally know how you feel, when i was 20 I started casually using Oxycontin every once in a while, no more than 4 mths later I was using it everyday, snorting it, and slowly going down a big vast hole and taking everyone and anyone with me. I eventually starting using heroin too, very pure heroin, so overall my tolerance skyrocketed. I was also taking any kind of opioid potentiator I could stick up my nose- any benzo I was addicted too, taking soma (carisoprodol) all the time, atarax, promethazine, and many many others. I was a slave to a stupid round green pill, it destroyed every relationship I had, family, friends, I was destroying everything in my life all for these stupid pills/powder. After two and half years of constant heavy use I broke down to my parents and went to a hospital and detoxed for 3 days. It was 3 days of pure hell and on the 3rd day I saw a suboxone doctor. He started with a normal dose at 4mgs, and within 30 mins. all my physical wds went completely away, I had no cravings or anxiety, it was unbelievable. I was soo happy to end that hell. I was able to leave the hospital and picked up my month script for suboxone. I stayed on suboxone eventually going up to the ceiling dose of 32mgs per day. Any higher and it turns into a full on antagonist(whats used when someone od's to bring them back to life, it also puts you straight into terrible wds so that sucked), so basically if you use suboxone the perfect dose is 8-24 mgs, 24 being the max any higher is pointless, you get more of a buzz from 24 mgs anyway. Suboxone is unique like that the lower the dose the more buzz it gives you, thats a good thing though. I was able to stay fully clean for 8 mths on suboxone but then i was in an accident and I shattered my wrist. It was strange at the time,.but its even more ridiculous looking back on the situation now, my addiction doctor had actually taken me off suboxone all together and put me on ms contin(morphine) 220mgs p/day, and then 60-80mgs of hydrocodone (norcos) a day as well, it was absolutely nuts..well I could see the cycle of addiction starting all voer againa nd the alst thing I wanted was to destroy everything in my life again, so I decided to start going to a methadone clinic. I have now been going for 10 mths., stayed clean, am at 115mgs a day, it ahs no ceiling effect, but the one downside is how abd the wd's are, they last well over a month and they are by far way way way worse than any other opiate/opioid I have ever taken-Oxycontin, heroin, Dilaudid, Fentanyl, anything, its so so much worse..I was also heavily addicted to benzos like xanax, valium, klonopin, ativan, etc. and a lot of other opiate potentiators, so I had to have some major counseling, go to alot of meetings, group + NA, and therapy to help keep me clean and in recovery..it wasnt easy but I can wake up and tell myself, " Well another day clean, another down!"..its wonderful.Before I even thought of treatment when I couldn't pick up any oxies or H, I would resort to doctor shopping every single urgent care, immediate care, hospital, or clinic in the southeastern Wisconsin area..my image and name became so well knwon throughout the area before I even got to see anyone most of the time I was told I couldnt be seen that I was a "known drug seeker", I basically ostracized from everywherer, its scary to think if I actually was hurt what would happen, but that was to get some percocets or norcos and a muscle relaxer until I could pick up more OC's or Heroin...it was terrible, I had so much money to repay in medical bills, my dad has stack full of folders showing them all, theres more than 55 in just one folder and theres almost four more the same size!!! damn opioids will ruin everything anyones got, everything!..if you ahve any questions about anything anytime, let me know, im always around and willing to answer any questions???...-christos

[caregiver222]

If you "snort" these drugs you are also snorting inactive ingredients which will remain in your lung and eventually cause permanent breathing problems.

[morganave]

You need to get help!!!  Have you tried to taper off of the oxys?  Perhaps you should give your pills to someone you trust to help you taper off.  I personally have never felt good at the NA or AA or CA meetings I have been to...do not like sitting  around talking about al the parties and getting high.  But it may be the place  for you.  You may need to go into a detox center to get off of these.  You can do it.  It is going to be hard as hell, I know, when I do not have my oxys I am a mess.  Depressed, hurt everywhere, crabby, and do not feel  like getting  out of bed.  I look out the window and wonder why others are living and I am not.  I wonder why they are so lucky.  When  I watch people, I wonder how many of them are  living on their little pills.  I bet it is more than  we know.  The dirty little secret.

[henddd]

Dude im with you bro, i did the same ,except i did 20 to 25 30mg oxy a day up my nose bro dude hear is whats gonna happen u cant stop taking it unless you withdraw from it because once you do u will have wished you never took that drug ever, Dude i relasped i detoxed the same amount one year ago up my nose with 10 to 15 xanax a day up my nose as well ! i ended up jumping through a window and detoxed in the er because of the xanax. so my head was so far gone i never really felt the oxy withdrwel so a year later im taking the oxy again and had to detox it . Put it this way when you last the first 5 days you will be ok. It will make u wish you were dead !! you will hurt in places you never knew and not be able to sleep for like 4 days . Its mean bro im on 9th day and i can drive and go around but still get weak. But once u feel the full detox i dont think you will ever take oxy again. Good luck man its the only step sometimes unless u wanna lose it all like i did a few times .