Need your thoughts

[liz0914]

My DOC was hydrocodone.  I was taking 10's two at a time with a total of 8-10 pills per day.  So I guess that's 80-100mg a day.  I've decided to try and taper off, I tried c/t and just couldn't do it,  I'm too weak for that I guess....  I have tapered down to just two 10's per day.  Sometimes I take them whole and sometimes I break them in half, whatever I feel like doing at the moment.  Today I am trying 10mg total for the day (taken as two 5's).  So far it's not too bad tapering down.  I guess I'm just scared for when I officially have to stop completely and what the w/d will be like.  I would think my slow tapering will make the symptoms much less severe, but can anyone tell me from personal experience if this helped them?  Has anyone tried quitting both ways and had more success one way?  I'm just hoping this helps me quit and not just prolong everything.  I know there are going to be all of the symptoms regardless, I'm just hoping it's to a point I can push past it all instead of feeling like I just want to die.  Any thoughts?

[minn66]

Hi Liz. Welcome to the forum! It does sound like you have a full plate. I hope your son's surgery goes well. Take it bit by bit. How does a Pygmy eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Just don't lose focus of your goals. We'll be here to support and help you through. I admire the people who have the discipline to taper and do this while having to take care of a family. You can do it. Please keep posting and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Hugs,

Minn

[liz0914]

I know what you mean.  I keep saying that I can't be down and out for a few days, but really I do start to wonder if "part" of this (I say part because truly I'm one of the busiest people I know, especially the amount of events and things to do on our calander now) is just an excuse to prolong this whole thing.  I'm sure it really is, but right now I'm moving (so I gotta pack), My son has surgery on Tuesday, his pre-op appt is tomorrow 30 miles away, we are getting the keys to the new place and it's my daughter's 4th Birthday tomorrow also.  I'm gonna be in the hosptial until Wednesday, so that's why I guess I'm hoping to stretch it out until then....at least until we get home and I don't have doctors and nurses looking at me crazy.  I know it sounds probably like a bunch of excuses, but if I can get us home on Thursday I think this will help tremendously.  I will have 4 days at home before going back to work to "suck it up" and get the crappy feeling over with.  I'm hoping by Monday I will be sick of laying around and getting out of the house will help.  Of course I've got a kid to take care of post surgery, but he will be recovering and I guess I will be too.  That was my rationale....just get through this crazy schedule and get us home.  From there we can get better and recoup together.

[IwillDoThis]

Liz - can you get any help with the kids when you come down with the "flu"?  I want to see you suceed but you are gonna be sick - everyone is different but if you cut and run because you can't be sick then you are setting yourself up for an out.  I tapered down to one hydro from 4 per day and my withddrawals were still nasty for 2-3 days - it is just something you gotta get through.  Get some support to help you with the kids if you can.  The fear of it is so much more heavy on your head then just doing it and getting it over with.  Like anything else, it is a temporary situation.  Hang tough girl!

[liz0914]

I can definitely respect what you are saying there.  Except I've tried actually several time CT and I couldn't do it.  I have 2 small children to take care of and a full time job.  I'm too weak, I couldn't do the smallest tasks and I'm not able to just shut myself in my room for a couple days, ya know?  Trust me though when I say I will NEVER forget what it was like those first couple of days during my attempts....NEVER!  That is why it scares the crap out of me to try it again.  This is really the only way I'm going to be able to do it and stick with it, if I can decrease the amount of suffering I have to endure to get there.  I will do this, my mind is there.  I'm not naive in anyway, I know it's going to be hard-mostly mentally.  I'm sticking to my guns this time!!!  Pray for me, I'm doing a lot of praying myself!

[kyle505]

As you know, we are pretty honest on this forum. Some are better than others at expressing their thoughts, but in the end we try not to pull too many punches...Although tapering should be easier on you than going cold turkey, you have to realize that the process is being extended over a longer period of time. Your physical symptoms may be lessened, but the mental struggle (anxiety, etc.) will probably be fairly intense. And, I believe that this process needs to be difficult, at least in my case. As stated, I messed around for years, but my last detox was hell. Looking back, I see it as a blessing. It helps me when I'm tempted, or when/if I ever get too full of myself and think that "just one or two pills won't hurt". So, I guess you have to embrace your journey and then keep it with you always. Just a suggestion.

[IwillDoThis]

Just hang tight - you CAN do this!

[liz0914]

Yes, I do have some available right now, but not much, but only because I'm still tapering.  I actually have them in my pocket as I type.  I took my last dose for the day (since I'm down to 10mg per day now) and I am definitely having more symptoms today from not only cutting my dose but also quantity.  I did find some muscle relaxers so I'm gonna try those for the awful feeling in my legs that I'm sure everyone is well aware of.  I don't have anything for anxiety so that part I will have to tough through.  I have immodium and having been taking that since I starting cutting back, that's my first symptom always-constant bathroom trips.  I'm hoping I can treat my symptoms well enough that I can get through the mental stuff, it's really hard to deal with both.  Thanks for the continued responses,  it's really helping.  

[kyle505]

Welcome...As with a lot of the folks who've already posted, I've tried both ways, but wasn't strong enough to taper. I admire your ability to do so. It will be easier on you, physically, but you may struggle a bit mentally. Meaning to say, no matter which way you go, your head becomes a problem. Another thing - if your husband is also trying to stop, I assume that you still have pills in the house. If so, then you need to have him hide them or flush them or something. You will be very tempted at about day three or four of your detox. Sounds like you are strong (because you're able to taper) but there will come a point when having meds around may become an issue. Just a suggestion.

[LostNoMore]

Hey Liz. Congrats for doing a taper. It will help. I jumped C/T from 80 mgs of hydrocodone, percs and oxy. Like Iwill posted, it's like a bad flu. Ad far as not dropping any weight while detoxing, maybe try  whey protein shakes. Loaded with aminos and calories, Get your favorite flavor and just force yourself to drink a few a day. Also get some mild exercise. Take care and keep posting.

[liz0914]

Thanks for your response!  I'm hoping what you say is true, did you taper or know someone that did?

[liz0914]

Thank you so much for your response.  I went through your journal and if nothing else found it inspiring that someone else has gone through it and come out the other side.  I do think that I need to see a doctor about my depression.  I have been on and off (mostly off) medication at a young age due to depression and everything I have tried so far has either been ineffective or had bad side effects.  I think I just need to keep trying to find what works for me.  As I sit here now typing that little bottle with 8 left in it is calling my name, I just keep telling myself no.  I am really just hoping that tapering down is going to help.  I have much more will power than my husband and I think that is why he is trying c/t, I don't he could taper if he wanted to.  I'm hoping my will power will help me later.  I probably could use some type of NA or something, but to be honest I'm SO busy with work, kids, surgeries (my son's, he physically disabled), etc.  I really don't know when I would find the time or child care to even do that.  It's really all on me.  I do find it extremely helpful reading successful recovery stories though.  I think when I feel the need to "pop one" I will just log on and remind myself why I'm not going to do that!  I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL AGAIN!!!!!

[Bkitty]

Your withdrawals shouldnt be too bad. Your husband will also have to cut off his supply too. If either you have access to the pills it will make it difficult to quit. Have either of you thought of NA? I wish you the best and hope your son has a speedy recovery after his surgery this week ((hugs))~Bkitty

[IwillDoThis]

Hey Liz - just giving you some support.  I'm 61 days off hydro so I'm here to say you CAN do this.  It's not just the hydros to be concerned about it's all the acetominophen you are ingesting - with 8 pills that is 2600 mg of acet per day.  I was killing my poor liver and was on 10/325 for years.  One day I sat down and calculated how many pills I was putting into my body per week, per month and I was SHOCKED plus due to pain I was taking a buttload more motrin on top of it all.

Everyone has chimed in with advice for withdrawing so I won't go into detail.  Just tell yourself you have the flu, you just have to endure it like you would the flu.  I have a really detailed post on my journal about what to expect, things to do if you want to look on my profile.

Wishing you well!

[liz0914]

Thank you for the reply, it's just good to know what to expect.  I just couldn't do cold turkey.  I only weigh 110 pounds to begin with and I'm 5'7" so I couldn't eat, and when you are already underweight that is not good!  I think I dropped down to 100 pounds last time I tried to quit, I couldn't force food down my throat.  I've just gotta find a way that is less painless.  I have had minor symptoms just while tapering down but they have been things I can push through....I'm hoping that is what it will be like when I quit.  I'm sure it will be more severe when quitting, but hoping with my mindset I can push through.  To complicate things a little more, my husband is also on my same boat, except he is gonna try c/t.  I have a feeling that going this route will just make him jump back on the wagon and I don't want that to happen to me.  He also the one with the source, so I'm really hoping that we can BOTH stay strong, we have 2 kids that deserve a hell of a lot better than 2 parents with this addiction.  

[doitformyson]

Good job!  I stopped tuesday (last 10MG of norco i will ever take), have to be back at work this monday and have no fear going back.  U CAN DO IT.  TRUST ME.  If work was today, I could make it through.  Each day you will get better and better.  Do it for the kids (hence my screen name)....Stay strong...

[Pjtwenty]

Welcome to the site!  
I have done both ways and tapering is much easier if you are strong enough to resist temptation. I have been free 90 days now from a hydro 10-15 a day habit or 100-150mg a day habit. Tapering helps to ease wds  it regardless you will have wds. A lot of people prefer cold turkey because it's all over with at once. Days 2-4 are the worse.
Do you still have a ready supply?  If so get rid of them and cut off your source or you will be in for it.
Anyway good luck!!

[liz0914]

I have already stocked up on my Thomas Recipe ingredients, so I'm hoping this really does help.  My 7 year old is going in for surgery on Tuesday so I have next week off of work.  My goal is to take 10mg per day through Wednesday next week (I feel like my focus should be on my son, or course during that time) and then on Thursday I will be done, I will be 4 days sober going back to work.  I'm hoping by then I'm doing a bit better, or atleast only have a few days of hell in front of me and then back on the up and up........Ugh!  NEVER again!

[forgottensick]

Hang in there Liz. Somebody will be on to answer your question. I don`t know about it enough to answer.

[doitformyson]

Hi and welcome.  I just did exactly what you are describing.  I was taking 10 hydro 10/325s per day for a very long time.  I did a taper, a more aggressive one than what you describe.  I'm on day 5 right now and I have to say I'm feeling pretty decent.  Much better than I thought.  I think if you have your 10 MG, you should just take it today and use the little energy you get from that to go to the vitamin store in your town and get the stuff recomended in the thomas recipe.  Thats what I did and it did help quite a bit.  Other things:  Immodium, Valerian Root, Melatonin.  It shouldn't cost you more than 60 dollars.  

Stay strong.  Once you get to Days 3,4 and 5 ur on the upswing.  The first couple days will be hard though....