Let me just say that I agree 100% with Kyle. My overall point is really that addiction doesn't discriminate and there's no "beating" it, no matter how good you are at other things. This would have been very hard if not impossible for me to swallow at 30. This addict recognizes and acknowledges that he will never be "stronger" than his addiction. Tat2, I had to cut out several close friends simply because they might have pills. I wouldn't dream of handling them, I would relapse. Kyle, here's another example of where your straight shooting is a neccesary part of the overall message, thank you.
I admire your all out commitment to getting clean; shining the light in to the dark corners and seeing what you can scare up.
However, I don't want to sound like a broken record, but some of the things I'm reading are a concern. Don't romanticize the addiction. Don't ever think for one minute that you can control any aspect of the addiction. And don't over think the addiction. It is simple; it will never stop. Staying clean is a life-long battle that you face every day. Granted, the longer you're clean, the easier it is to recognize the triggers and the temptation, but that's it. Having above-average intelligence means nothing to the addiction. I write this because I want you to go in to the next phase of recovery with your eyes open. 15 years of using has taught me a lot.
Question using this situation as example. You took a lot per day then stopped for a year. Does the body readjust itself so if you took a pill because you hit hurt that one pull would work? Because right now one pill doesn't work.
So crazy, I know what you mean about congratulating yourself, r inability to do so rather... A lot of people might look down on me for saying this, but we have a stronger mental aptitude then most, the same drive that made us addicted, is the same drive helping us get off of them, the thought I made myself repeat in my mind, is that I deserve the pain, I deserve the anguish.. I made myself look at the pills hold them and even count them out to sell them, made myself feel the temptation, and controlled it..
I hear ya on the inability to cut and paste on the got dam iPad. I spent five minutes trying to figure a workaround and couldn't. I'm still clean, 14 days, haven't felt tempted in the slightest. I'm waiting for the trap to spring tho, I feel like somehow I shouldn't have been able to pull this off. The Latin quote can be translated several different ways, but the most common is: "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." It is a proverb. Every time I start to feel pleased with myself for quitting, I check that feeling right away. I've been a **** up for close to seven years, regardless of what my stat line says. This has caused damage to others. I need to earn back the right to feel proud.
Great posts. Great advice. My two cents - no matter how good, how talented, how successful you are, the pills are better. They will control you, influence you, and eventually bring you to your knees. Just an observation.