To Dafishman

[catlover8]

O.K. So, yesterday I was reading the forums. I creep around on here a lot. I don't post often, but I read several times a day. I saw a post by Dafishman, and I felt compelled to share something with you all. 41 days ago, I took my last hydrocodone. To be honest, at the time I did not believe I would make it past week one. A couple weeks before that, I was posting on here to get some help. I told everyone about how I had a "friend" that was selling them to me. I was pretty much paying her rent with how many I bought every month. I was pathetic. I had hit my own personal rock bottom. She continued to call me, and I could not find the strength to tell her that I would not talk to her anymore. It never dawned on me that she was essentially helping me kill myself. Here is my point. So, I came on here to speculate if I should buy one more time from her. I would have to take out another loan against my credit card to get the $800-$1000 I needed. I would be lying for yet another month to all of my family. I would be prolonging my detox, but I did not care. I wanted one more month. Furthermore, I wanted the people on here to tell me it was OK to have one more month. After all, it's just one more month, right? After three years of constant use, what was one more month going to hurt? So, I posted this, and I waivered as to when I was going to quit. I was thinking how I just couldn't quit. Someone posted back that I should just get the pills and taper next month. One more time. Then, I got a post from Dafishman. He basically said to suck it up and pick a quit date. One more month was unacceptable. In short, he told me that the people here could not help me if I was not ready. That I needed to do this for myself. Tell the "friend" to go away and get off the pills. No excuses. I was thinking that he might have been the meanest person ever. I got so defensive, and decided he was a jerk and did not understand me or my situation. Then, I started thinking about how right he was. For some reason, even though it angered me, his post was what I needed to hear. I called her that night and ended the only source I had for pills. I told her to go **** herself. Then, I picked a quit date, and with the help of a friend, I stuck to that, too. The first 25 or so were so hard. I was depressed. I felt nothing. I thought I would never come out of it. Nothing made me happy. I couldn't watch a movie or read or play games. I was grey matter. Then, one day, I woke up. The clouds lifted, and I started to like those things again. I was watching Lifetime and I was really into the movie.....sober. I stopped feeling the need to replace the pills with drinking. I could just be. Be in a room by myself. Be quit. Have peace. To this day, each week gets better. I am still a beginner, and I know I have a long road ahead, but it is nice to have some peace. In short, Dafishman gave me that push I needed to get over it and help myself. I could never thank him enough for that. To this day, I check his posts all the time to see how he is doing. I like his no nonsense attitude. Just do it. Like Nike. That's what he told me. Then he said, "We can't be your cheerleaders if you don't get in the game." Well, Dafishman, I am in the game, and I know you are, too. So, thank you. You might have saved my life.

[Dafishman]

Lostinaddiction,

Dealer or clinic, drugs are drugs. Go back and look at catlovers posts and see her progression by going CT. It will tell you the truth about getting clean. Just remember that tapering usually dose not work. CT is the quickest way to freedom. Tapering leans on our own power to quit. The whole reason we are addicts is because we are powerless with dope. Go cold turkey, lean on us and we will be here to help.

Pray even if you have not before just try. God loves you and want you to be free. If there is anything we can do just ask.

YOU CAN DO IT, and understand that withdrawls are the necessary evil to become free.

Don't forget that witdrawals are ONLY temporary!

You live without pills before and you van again.

Dafish

[Dafishman]

Oh my, my, my  look at my sisters strength & courage she has now!!  Your post blew me away!  I am honored to be a part of your recovery.

You are an inspiration to me too. You stood up to all the challenge and dismantled each and everyone of them. You have a gift to share with all of the newbies that come in. Answer their calls for help and tell them it can be done. Tell them your story how you told your dealer f- off and that you got real honest with yourself about saving your life.  God will use your testimony to save the next one who needs help just like He used me with you.

You will always have a special spot in my heart. When we are in heaven we will rejoice together in God's presence!!

Congrat's on your " New Life" my sister!

Dafish

[catlover8]

Wow. You sound so much like me. I too was starting to lose everything because of these pills. It's like you just keep telling yourself you will deal with it later. Well, for me later has been trying to pay outstanding credit card bills and living paycheck to paycheck to pay off the thoudands of dollars I owe. I keep telling myself to try and concentrate on the positive. What was the alternative? Keep using and get more in debt? Be freaking out every month because I couldn't get my little pills if I couldn't find the money. Let that woman live off me for pills that would be gone in two weeks? So, now let me tell you what I think. I think that I was crazy to be avoiding withdrawals so much that I was willing to give up everything. I like you was not getting high in the end. I was trying to feel OK and get through my day. Toward the very end, I even took some oxy to feel the high. I was going on to bigger and meaner drugs. I am glad I stopped at the hydrocodone. My point is this. I know exactly how you feel about the withdrawals. You avoid them with everything you have because you are afraid. By no means are they a walk in the park, but the are not as bad as we let our heads make us think. You will live through them. My physical symptoms went from Thursday to Sunday, and I felt OK physically. I had some residual stuff after that, but I know for a fact the vitamins from the Thomas Recipe helped. I took some benzos to get through those days. They did not help much. Then, for about 25 days I felt depressed and like I could not sit still. So, I kepy myself very busy. I playes pool with a friend a lot. That was fun. One day, I realised I could now sit still and be OK with it. It gets better and better every day. You will always think about it, but in time, I believe I will not think about it so much. Just jump in. Think of how nice it would feel to not have to drive each morning to the methadone clinic. You want to know what it takes? About a month. A month to be free. You could be free. I do not know much about methadone, but I read these posts every day, and I do know that coming off of that stuff is no walk in the park. If you need someone to talk to, I will talk to you. Everyone is different, and CT worked for me.

[lostinaddiction]

This is my first post. I have been reading for several months and I find so much encouragment here, just by reading how others have overcome the same problem I have.
I was addicted to Lortab for 4 years. A habit I picked up from my ex husband. So I don't deserve any sympathy because I chose to do this to myself. I was not in pain, I was not prescribed this medication. I took it to feel good. Although if I had known what the consequences were going to be, I would have NEVER touched the first pill!!!
I thought I could take them here and there and stop whenever I wanted to. Eventually I had to have Lortab just to get out of bed in the morning and my habit grew into 20-25 10 mg Lortab a day. A habit that cost me every dime I could get my hands on. In the end I was not taking them to feel "good", I HAD to take them just to feel "normal".
It makes me sick to think of the money I spent for them, money that I should have been paying my bills with. My car got repo'd, I could hardly even buy gas and groceries because the pills came first. I was too terrified of the withdrawels to stop taking them, and that fear is what kept me going back for more.I realize now that the people I thought were my "friends" ( the people selling the pills to me) only wanted my money. They didn't care what happened to me or if I died for that matter.
Anyway, I, just like you, had to hit my personal rock bottom before I could stop. I tried weaning myself off, I tried cold turkey and nothing seemed to work. I guess I'm a weak person. I ended up in a methadone clinic. I did alot of research before I made that decision and I know the pros and cons of MMT. I know it will be h*** to come off of but it seems to be the right choice for me. I am on 50 mg and I have no intention of going any higher. My ultimate goal is to be TOTALLY drug free in 6 months ( including the methadone) I plan on getting my life together and getting stable first. And once I feel like I am mentally ready I will start a slow taper until I am completly off. I know this is not going to be easy, but nothing worth having is. I know alot of people are against methadone and I respect that. But it was the right choice for ME. I do have to get up every morning and drive 30 miles one way to the clinic. But since I have started MMT, I feel like I actually have a chance at living a somewhat normal life. It keeps me from giving all of my money to some "dealer", I don't wake up wondering where I will get my next pill or worry that I will get sick because I can't find any pills. I am aware that it's somewhat like trading one problem for another. It is, I agree with anyone that says that. I just hope I can find some support here. It's hard to feel like you are all alone and nobody understands what you are going through. I do not have any family nearby and I'm single. I have a few friends but they have no idea about what I'm going through.
I really enjoy reading the post here and I think it's great to hear the stories and know that it can be done!!!