Aa
On bended knee...
Please give me strength and encouragement to fight the good fight tomorrow. Please give me power if only for one day or one hour. Please give me hope. Please let me see this through.
"I'm sorry I feel like my choices are disappointing to you all. But my goal is to be off these damn pills. "
Your choices aren't disappointing to US at all hon....we're only trying to give you the tools you need to succeed. I hope with all my heart that you're successful this time, I truly do. I respect your decision completely, and everyone has their own way to approach recovery, but like I said before, MY concern was that your decisions were made because you're just not quite "there" yet and you may be (even if subconsciously) having a hard time letting go for GOOD.
Being "there" means making using as difficult and inaccessible for the addict as possible, which is why for so many, it's so darn scary. Some are just petrified at the idea of TRULY being DONE and eliminating options is hard to do because of that.
I think either way you're going to have w/d, and I agree with the others that you may be making it a bit worse by dragging it out. Either way, it's not pleasant, and I know that stinks.
We're here for you, our advice all comes from a good place, which is wanting to see you winning your battle. No judgement whatsoever. Remember that. Try to accept the advice given like you would want someone to accept YOUR honest advice to someone about something so important. It's hard when you're the recipient of the advice and not the giver.
Keep us posted on your progress. And you're right, you CAN do this!
Your choices aren't disappointing to US at all hon....we're only trying to give you the tools you need to succeed. I hope with all my heart that you're successful this time, I truly do. I respect your decision completely, and everyone has their own way to approach recovery, but like I said before, MY concern was that your decisions were made because you're just not quite "there" yet and you may be (even if subconsciously) having a hard time letting go for GOOD.
Being "there" means making using as difficult and inaccessible for the addict as possible, which is why for so many, it's so darn scary. Some are just petrified at the idea of TRULY being DONE and eliminating options is hard to do because of that.
I think either way you're going to have w/d, and I agree with the others that you may be making it a bit worse by dragging it out. Either way, it's not pleasant, and I know that stinks.
We're here for you, our advice all comes from a good place, which is wanting to see you winning your battle. No judgement whatsoever. Remember that. Try to accept the advice given like you would want someone to accept YOUR honest advice to someone about something so important. It's hard when you're the recipient of the advice and not the giver.
Keep us posted on your progress. And you're right, you CAN do this!
I did not tell hubby. I know I should, but I can't. So I screwed up. I got rid of the pills and went back to the taper. It's not a perfect plan by any means, but it's what i decided on. But I'm certain he'll leave me if he knows what happened. So this is where I am and it's where I'm staying.
I am on 1.5 pills til Monday then to 1 pill for a week. Then I see dr again and I assume will keep going down til it's 1/2 every other day. That was what my dr prescribed for taper. (I hope I'm allowed to tell you that since I know we can't tell others how to taper. But I'm just saying what I was told specifically for me by my dr).
So anyways....I think after the one pill a day I'm going to tell my hubby I don't even want to go back to dr and I just wanna stop. ...jump off from there.
This taper is soooo dragged out, I just want this over with.
Plus Christmas is coming and I don't want the same stresses and temptations I went through with thanksgiving.
So that would mean come Monday the 16th would be my day 1. That would give me plenty of time to be through physical withdrawals by Christmas.
So...yeah....
I'm sorry I feel like my choices are disappointing to you all. But my goal is to be off these damn pills. I'm going to do it!
Oh and as far as doctors...my PCP knows and I need to tell my OB, but....I work with her. So I am afraid to do that.
I am on 1.5 pills til Monday then to 1 pill for a week. Then I see dr again and I assume will keep going down til it's 1/2 every other day. That was what my dr prescribed for taper. (I hope I'm allowed to tell you that since I know we can't tell others how to taper. But I'm just saying what I was told specifically for me by my dr).
So anyways....I think after the one pill a day I'm going to tell my hubby I don't even want to go back to dr and I just wanna stop. ...jump off from there.
This taper is soooo dragged out, I just want this over with.
Plus Christmas is coming and I don't want the same stresses and temptations I went through with thanksgiving.
So that would mean come Monday the 16th would be my day 1. That would give me plenty of time to be through physical withdrawals by Christmas.
So...yeah....
I'm sorry I feel like my choices are disappointing to you all. But my goal is to be off these damn pills. I'm going to do it!
Oh and as far as doctors...my PCP knows and I need to tell my OB, but....I work with her. So I am afraid to do that.
I just happened to pop in and read all of this thread, and I am so glad I did! I don't know your exact situation, but I will send you prayers, we are all in this together and I love and truly believe the comments by Vic and brandiroars and everyone that commented here! It can be a fight, but its easier to just surrender to your god and god accepts us all, beautiful and broken. How awesome! So we can be prayer warriors, I'll pray for you and everyone here and you pray for me too please! :-))) I think we could all use some prayers! We are strong and courageous and we can do this!!!
Hello hon, I have to be honest. I think your addict mind is still making excuses. That's apparent to me with your decision to go back to a taper, despite many of us telling you why that was a way for you to hold onto your pills.
Same with telling the doctor(s). Of course you cannot tell every doctor in the world, but you most certainly CAN put up roadblocks for yourself...by telling the docs you have a history with, ER, all of the pharmacies in your area. I think the problem is that you're just not "there" yet...you're not ready to let go, which is not uncommon, but to be honest, your recovery won't be successful until you GET to that point. You have to stop talking yourself into why you CAN'T do the very things that will help your sobriety, and start convincing yourself that you can and should.
Wishing you well, as always. Keep posting....when do you run out of pills? Have you told your hubby about your relapse?
Same with telling the doctor(s). Of course you cannot tell every doctor in the world, but you most certainly CAN put up roadblocks for yourself...by telling the docs you have a history with, ER, all of the pharmacies in your area. I think the problem is that you're just not "there" yet...you're not ready to let go, which is not uncommon, but to be honest, your recovery won't be successful until you GET to that point. You have to stop talking yourself into why you CAN'T do the very things that will help your sobriety, and start convincing yourself that you can and should.
Wishing you well, as always. Keep posting....when do you run out of pills? Have you told your hubby about your relapse?
I continued with the taper and got rid of extra pills. Husband has the taper pills. But honestly it's been tough! The drop to 1.5 pills per day has been hard but I'm starting to adjust ever so slightly. But it's what I decided to do.
As far as cutting off sources and access. I mean look...this is going to make me sound like such a horrible person BUT....
I've always gotten pills from doctors. I have went to multiple doctors. If I want to go to any doctor on any street corner, I can. Same with pharmacies. So "telling your doctor" doesn't really work when you can go to any doctor anywhere and they hand these pills out like they're nothing/candy.
The only thing that makes this "hard" is the new state prescription monitoring programs. And ...(here's the part where I really look like an evil person...)... even that hasn't reeeaaalllyyy deterred me. Why that hasn't deterred me is a whole 'nother in depth psychological discussion.
But anyway....
So where does that leave me? I guess that is the part where it all comes back to you being responsible for your own recovery. Even though I have told one doctor, that actually doesn't mean every doctor everywhere forever will no I have issues with opiates.
So I have to own my addiction and take charge of how I handle my recovery.
I'm sure y'all will ask how I plan to do this....
Well the answer in part will be with the help of my husband (assuming we make it through this bump in the road and come out on the better side). That's what I've got for now.
I also plan on continuing therapy (haven't started yet but set up appt today).
So....here I am! This is me....broken, but trying to mend myself....
As far as cutting off sources and access. I mean look...this is going to make me sound like such a horrible person BUT....
I've always gotten pills from doctors. I have went to multiple doctors. If I want to go to any doctor on any street corner, I can. Same with pharmacies. So "telling your doctor" doesn't really work when you can go to any doctor anywhere and they hand these pills out like they're nothing/candy.
The only thing that makes this "hard" is the new state prescription monitoring programs. And ...(here's the part where I really look like an evil person...)... even that hasn't reeeaaalllyyy deterred me. Why that hasn't deterred me is a whole 'nother in depth psychological discussion.
But anyway....
So where does that leave me? I guess that is the part where it all comes back to you being responsible for your own recovery. Even though I have told one doctor, that actually doesn't mean every doctor everywhere forever will no I have issues with opiates.
So I have to own my addiction and take charge of how I handle my recovery.
I'm sure y'all will ask how I plan to do this....
Well the answer in part will be with the help of my husband (assuming we make it through this bump in the road and come out on the better side). That's what I've got for now.
I also plan on continuing therapy (haven't started yet but set up appt today).
So....here I am! This is me....broken, but trying to mend myself....
Keep a positive outlook and you can get through it. You are stronger than you know. Don't let addiction control you. You control it. Every second, minute, hour, day, put you that much closer to reclaiming your life. I know you can do it.
Praying for you and Vic is so right; we have to surrender and give it to God. We are here for you; you can do this!!
I agree, surrender! You CAN do this!
What did you end up doing? Did you resume your taper? Do you have pills left? What about sources?
You've got to cover your bases, get ready for the battle!
We're all fighting the fight with you, your own personal army of foot soldiers!
What did you end up doing? Did you resume your taper? Do you have pills left? What about sources?
You've got to cover your bases, get ready for the battle!
We're all fighting the fight with you, your own personal army of foot soldiers!
Yes Vic, surrender or resignation, I am learning to resign myself. You can do it 3X's! We're all behind you. Prayers out.
I send you my best prays..WE are ALL in this together..WE must keep up our power of pray and also Surrender this to our God. If a fight is what you want, then we will fight together with everything we got..BUT to surrender is much easier..YOU do have the Strength & Courage to move forward. Do Not let anything get in your way or take it away..lol
Bless
Bless
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