More bad days then good Grrrrr!!!!

[takingmylifeback2014]

Hi All -
So I am "almost" at 4 months 7 more days .... but I seem to be still having a lot more bad days then good. They are more manageable then last month but damn .... Just wondering when everyone with some time under their belt noticed that their good days were out weighing the bad?

Love you all XO :-)

One day at a time!

[weaver71]

Something I noticed about you, you really haven't shared much. I think this was the first time you opened up a little, at least in open forum. I think I missed what kind of aftercare you are in, could you remind me? To create a new way of thinking and a new way of life and how to cope with it, takes a lot of new tools. Recovery is like getting a new job, or joining a mission, there are a lot of little things to learn about making the job easier. Also, finding the meaning in your work or mission takes some serious thought and work. The big picture is what is really important, what inspires you, what role are you playing in the big picture?

[gnarly_1]

HI  well good to see you great to see you clean  just know it comes in baby steps  it is good to journal then you can see progress my substance abuse counselor  and I had a talk at 60 days I told him I should be feeling a lot better by now  he said  ''do you feel better then you did at 5 days''...of course I said but im not nearly as far as others my vice was methadone and A high dose of it over 7yrs it took me 90 days just to start to see the light I still had a ways to go now im at 1647 days clean from opiates I fell at piece I got to 4 N/A meeting a week because a guy with 23yrs suggested it and it works if you work it I highly recamend N/A the program deals with the addicted brain and sorta helps you rewire it so you can have a rewarding and happy life  you never have to pic up again.
..........................................Gnarly...........................................

[Amandag78]

Nooooooooo...........
Thats is just not fair my beautiful friend !!
You know ive been back and forth these past months and had many issues too, but this past month, im starting to have more good days than bad now and my good days are lasting a week in a row, then i have maybe 5 bad days. My good days have continued into day 3 today and im 5 months clean on saturday.
So i bet 1 more month and you will get going again.
I thought i was broken forever, now i know, its just the drug abuse.
I will always be there for you whenever you need me, as you are always there for me.
You make me smile and you make me feel special.
Your special and strong and keen to stay clean. Your winning and thats all there is to it.
My beautiful girl, xoxo

[jugglin]

I agree with what others have said.  Non-addicts have bad days too, so it makes sense that we will have them as well...especially with what we have put ourselves thru over the years.  Fake it til u make it works well for me  Often, I'm faking it and before I know it I really am in a better mood.  You are not alone...your post just echos what many of us go thru.  Again, a crappy day sober is 100 times better than your best day high! Keep fighting my friend...you are doing AWESOME!

[msdelight]

Venting and getting it out is the best thing you can do. Don't isolate and find a way to get out of your head. Other people's problems often make mine dwarf in comparison! Sometimes feeling sorry for myself seems silly. Other times I crash into tears and depression.But it passes, it really does. You're still healing.

[ActingBrandNew]

I'm sorry your feeling this way and having these bad days. It takes a long time for our minds to heal from all the abuse. 4 months is great! Just keep pushing forward and it will get better. The good days will become more frequent. I promise :)

[VICourageous]

Yep! There are Logical Scientific Explanations why it take time..BUT there are many things we can do to help speed up the Brain process into healing..I know all of you know what to do, or what it is that we can do..lol
Remember like exercise, diet, vit/min, water, SUN, music.etc..Hugs

Motlye..I too started at the age 14 (DUMB) and it took me 56yrs to come around. Now going to be 58 in a couple of weeks and I feel better & better as time goes bye. BUT also back then I could use or drink and take breaks until the next drug came up for us to party on...over & over again Yr after Yr..Ha! Something like that!
Until the Beast of Opiates/Methadone!! lol
Bless U All!!!

[takingmylifeback2014]

Thanks Girl! Its great to have someone who is right with me on this journey. XOXO

[motye51]

Definatly, DONT have it together yet, but hope I'm getting there!  Still have ups and downs....Has to get better...Moving forward!

Don't worry, I'm in a rowboat...going upriver....on a freaking mountain!!  lol

[takingmylifeback2014]

I have been using for about 12 years .... So I guess hoping that in 4 months I would be healed would be silly, It just for me gets frustrating and I need to vent. I look around at everyone else who "seems" like they have it together and it makes me mad .... LOL but who knows they could just as well be in the same boat as me.
Fake it until You Make It I guess :-)

[motye51]

You know, when I read this, it made me think about just how long I've REALLY been using????  I'm 42 now and started when I got sick at 12.  That's 30 years of using that I was expecting to be healed completely in 90 days.....maybe that instant gratification thing going on.  I guess we can't expect to "abuse" our bodies and minds for that long and have it come back super quick!  Good point Vi

[takingmylifeback2014]

Thanks everyone! It is nothing particular that is bothering me, It is prob my brain healing. I guess today is just a bad day, bad enough that I had to get it off my chest and post. I am feeling like emotionally numb, anxious and moody. I don't like this.

[VICourageous]

Girl, This Road is not Paved and it has so many Pot Holes as we Travel.

I agree with what was said above, but like to add that it REALLY does take time for our Brain to balance back. If we have been long time user it is going to take some time. Up & Down days come for most of us weather we are clean or not..This is just Life. On the other hand this is the work we have to do to change so we can handle life without running to numb up, get wired up, go way down,etc. I think you get it. I think I am walking in my 20m and I still have them days, But I now know how to change my crappy attitude and try to do something other. Sometimes it is hard because of the no-motivation that can come & go..BUT the good days are Way more then the Bad.
Very Proud of YOU and your Clean Days..Just Keep Pushing, like that REO Speed-Wagon song, or Breaking on through to the other side!!
Bless
PS..You do not want to know how long it took from me..ha! lol

[weaver71]

10 months felt great, not felt get rest.

[weaver71]

Being that 120 days I was losing it, I think you are doing awesome. I felt waves of recovery. I would feel like I finally made it, it would be good for a awhile, then I'd go back into a funk. At 10 months, I felt get rest, at 14 months I lost my mind, and the last couple months has been surprisingly better. I think this is the best of my life so far. My dosage and last dose were pretty high, so it should be faster and easier for you. Even so, I do not regret any of it, nope, can't see one part of it I can't use for good at this point. No matter what, it will be worth it, know that.

[Jenelle2020]

Hi there, just sent you a PM

[dirtydirk]

A bad day for me Sober doesnt even compare 2 a good day Using....thats what i keep telling myself!!! i found myself having so called bad days cpl weeks ago as well......loathing in my choices and missed opportunitys and such, but im striving 2 put the past in the past and move forward 2 my new life!! Some days are better than others for sure but im overall happier than i was !!!  cpl days short of 3 months and im still fighting demons, cravings, so on so forth!! But im also gettin my old self back, and if n e thing i am my old self in many regards and ive started building up from the hole i dug!!! I hit rock bottom years b4 i got clean so rock bottom isnt even the word for me.....i started using dynomite and making rock bottom even deeper!!  Keep fighting and inspiring!!  

[motye51]

Hey woman....yes, still having bad days, but, there not as bad as they were when I was using.  I think the using made my "problems" or "issues" feel way worse then they really were.  Maybe put them in perspective and see, do you have any control over whatever it is?  Can you change whatever it is?  I have found that when the weather is bad, I feel bad, when the weather is good, I feel good?  Kind of weird like that!  
Put a smile on your face, your clean, you have a beautiful baby and your doing the damn thing!  

[Dane74]

Almost 4 months, yahoo that's GREAT!!!  Its so hard to say when we will feel good, so i can just recommend that when you have those good days, go with it, embrace it, enjoy it and hold on to it, and when those bad days come and sorry to say they come and you know what even non addicts have bad days, but when the bad day comes, try to snap out of it, and remember the good, before you know it the good will out weigh the bad.  I know easier said than done, but girl those good days are so with it, keep on fighting the good fight, you are doing amazing......