No question. Just lost. Hopelessly addicted. Suicidal.

[jwoollen]

I live too far away from any substance abuse facilities. Severly addicted. I don't see any answers or solutions I can handle. I can't afford an inpatient facility that will ease withdrawal.

I don't know why I'm writing this; I probably couldn't find this forum again anyway. This sucks so badly. I need a doctor with confidentiality who can help me. I DON'T want to live like this...but attempts at CT and weaning have not been successful.

Pray for my soul and my wife and child.

[road2recovery]

welcome...Can u tell us what you are addicted too?  and how much?
Please try and put the forum maybe in your favorites...This is a very nice place with tons of wonderfull people, who i think sometimes are smarter then some doctors...
r2r

[road2recovery]

i just read your profile, how many are you taking???  please stay with us!!

[jwoollen]

200-300mg Hydro per day ...Plus sometimes Xanax. Thanks for writing.

[sickcookie]

I am also 52 and took way too many vics,but then I found this site....Please talk to us

[sickcookie]

Have you tried to stop before?

[jwoollen]

Yes. Can't make it past one day.

[sickcookie]

So yes you have tried before ,but this time can be different it really helps to have alot of support which you will find here, and to know exactly what you go thru day by day with lots of others on the same journey

[road2recovery]

there is no situation that is impossible...Please know this..Also your doc has to keep things confidential...Can u find one that perscibes sub?
there is a way out, and suicide, is not one.....
r2r
please read alot on here on the health pages

[Sarah231]

Hey j...bookmark this page so you can find it again!

I'm coming off of over 10 years of Vicodin use.

I cannot tell you how many times over years I have wished for death because it was
the only way I could see out of the place I was in. Much as I wanted it, though, I have two daughters that I couldn't hurt.

It helps to be here.

I'm hurting like heck, but I can see an end.
I can see this **** being done with finally. Man, so many years wasted.

Don't waste as many as I did.

[Army220]

You are not going to die...We will get you thru this.  What is going on?  Do you have any support?  Wife, Kids or Friend to talk with?  It helps a ton when there is someone to lean on and take care of things for a few days.

Talk to us.  You will get some good feedback.

[sickcookie]

There are Health pages on top right of page ,on there is Thomas Recipe it has vitamins and such to help ease the discomfort, I was like you could never make it far but partly because I was afraid what would happen and did not have anyone to talk about it with.Read the posts it will give you strength.Can you take time off work,7 days or so?

[jwoollen]

I have to do something. I don't mean to disparage the forum, but support doesn't ease the pain. I just want to end the pain. I would give anything if there was a confidentail, qualified (affordable) medical program in this town. This has been going on for five years now. ...I don't know what else to say.

[corey411]

If you feel suicidal please go to the ER. Social workers can help you get help. If you can't afford it. Suicide is not the answer. That's from the toll that the drugs have taken on you and you don't want this.

Please if you feel suicidal go to the ER. Tell them you are thinking this and are a danger to yourself. There are many places like NA and this forum that you can get free help and support.

I will send many prayers to you my friend.

[jwoollen]

I've read about the Thomas Recipe. I can't get the time off from work...and it still sounds God-awful painful. I doubt I could get the valium script anyway. This town is small and small-minded. I can't think of a doc who would work with any type of program except cutting me off completely...or worse...reporting me.

Thanks to all of you who have written. That was/is a big surprise.

[sickcookie]

Please just stay with us awhile ,

[sue41]

When you say that you need something to ease the pain, are you talking about physical pain or emotional pain?  I know you feel like there is nowher to turn, but please don't give in to the disease.  Think of your wife and child and the pain it would cause them.  If you can't go cold turkey, try your best to taper.  

How are you able to get such a supply of hydros?  If it is from a doctor, call them and ask them to not prescribe to you anymore.  Life is beautiful and worth living.  Your family need you.  Please don't leave the forum, this is a great form of support.  

I thought I would die if I went cold turkey, but when Child protection came in and threatened to take my children, I hit my knees and prayed.  I prayed without ceasing and went without food and pills begging the Lord to help me get over this with my family not giving up on me.  You are a lot stronger than what you think you are, and we will be here for you.  Please keep posting.

Sue

[Sarah231]

Nope the forum does not ease the pain.

Trust me, I'm in serious pain right now.

But, it does help that others here can keep telling me that the pain will not last forever.
That they can keep telling me that the pain is worth it.
They have to tell me a lot, bless their hearts, but for some reason it does help.

TEN YEARS, buddy. Every day. Couldn't function without vicodin.
So you are preaching to the choir here.

[Army220]

We have all been in your shoes before and felt like you feel now.  With support we all got thru it.  I would have to say most of us never needed inpatient care.  

It is time to tell someone close to you how you feel (Like your wife).  You have kids right?  

You NEED TO DO THIS FOR THEM.  Your family matters most..

Army

[sickcookie]

I took them for 10 year and never thought I would stop,but when I was ready it was like a bad flu and I beleive it was easier partly because of forum but the fact I was so tired and sick from those pills that I was truly ready and it sounds like you are too.

[jwoollen]

Going to ER is out of the question. I'd get locked up...with no medical program to ease the withdrawal. Plus my rep would be trashed. I'd probably lose my job.

God has performed a couple of miracles in my life. The only other answer I can think of is for him to help me one more time. I'm in so deep, though... Jeez.

Well, I'm not going anywhere tonight. I have enough meds to get through the next day or two. It's after that I'm worried about. I hate to be a whining baby, but I simply can't go through that pain. It kicks my ***. I pray in front of you all for God to help me. Please do something.

I have to go for tonight. I'll check back in tomorrow.

Thanks to you all.

[avisg]

I know sometime it times like addiction can swallow you whole ,That you don't see anyway out .There always is there are many people here that have gone threw this we are here to help.There is a life and a way out you have a wife and a child and I am sure many  others that love and need you . I can help you with a taper plan ,there are is always options .we are here to help.

[sue41]

Friend, I have already said a prayer for you, but I will be saying another before I turn in for the night and again in the morning.  Just please don't give up.  It can be done.  I know it is hard to believe that now, but I PROMISE it can.  I have seen it happen many times.  I have a degree in social work and I have been associated with addicts in one way or another almost my entire life.  Not to forget that I am one also.  We can overcome with the love and support of God and family.  God does not give up on us when we earnestly ask for help.  

i will be glad to talk with you whenever you need it.

Sue

[jwoollen]

How can you help me with the plan? I've tried it before...but was unsuccessful. What does the icon by your name mean?

[sue41]

One last thing to think about before leaving tonight.

"If you're alive, there's a purpose for your life"
Rick Warren Quote

This is a wonderful man.  When I am at my lowest points I can pick up almost anything he has written and apply it to my life.

Again, please send me a message if you want to talk.