Gosh the mind is powerful

[cstep496]

I'm on day 7...kind of. Wed I found a 10 perc in a draw and took it like a idiot. But luckily it didn't mess me up that bad I don't think recovery wise. I'm thru the physical withdraw. But man I can't stop thinking about just swallowing a pill and get that feeling. I've got the will power I deleted all my drug contacts out of my phone this morning. And I have a pic of my 5 year old daughter on my phone so anytime I have to make a call she is the first thing I see, which is good. Help's me from wanting to call connections. My wife is so happy with me and I am playing with and interacting with my daughter so much more now over the last couple of days and nights now. If my F EN mind would just stop thinking about them I would be good!!!
I read another post on her about a guy talking about his child's eyes being mirror's, true mirror's and that's how I feel and see and LOVE now. Anyway just venting...........

[IBKleen]

So this is day 3. Good for you that you got right back up and got on that horse! You need to remove all obstacles in your way. Delete phone numbers, delete contacts, etc. Set yourself up for success. You are just now getting a taste of what life is like clean. Keep it going honey. Fight for it..it is worth it!

Have you considered any form of aftercare?

[ROSYouralright]

Congrats on day 3!! Your doing great! Keep pushing forward!

[msdelight]

Wow that was a beautiful post even though you messed up. Look at all the great and positive things happening in your life. You are blessed! Your mind will be trying to trick you now BIG TIME.  If you havem't already you will be searching the drawers, couch, pockets, car, floor etc looking for the little demons. If you find any post here and flush them!  You can do this and it is so worth the pain! Start research and planning for aftercare. Put up your guard and plan to succeed!

[cstep496]

Ms delight you are so right. I'm a pretty successful person in life ( career wise ) . Obliviously not person wise cause of my problem. But after I found that one, I was pulling out drawer's, couch seat's even looking under floor mat's of vehicle's. And then it hit me, what the hell are you doing???

[kyle505]

You are now on day 3 and should be proud of it. It's not "day 7 sort of". You have to take responsibility for your actions. Understanding and dealing with your head is a life long struggle. It never stops, just becomes more manageable the longer you are clean. And don't look to willpower or determination. Your addiction is stronger. Thus the one day at a time mantra.  All the best.
K

[ROSYouralright]

LOL!! That sounds so familiar!! I think we've all been there before! You can do this! MSD gave you some awesome advice! :)

[Whollymolythathurt]

I found this post and it made me laugh.  I was to anal with the pills...I KNOW I never dropped any anywhere but seeing this post made me think about looking...but never did.

Although I'm an addict I can honestly say that looking everywhere for a pill never occurred to me.  Does that make me a Jr Addict?  :-)

At least laughing releases 1/1mil'th of the dopamine my brain wants at this time it's something.  Thx

[dominosarah]

What are you doing with aftercare?

[kyle505]

I think that the older you get, and the more clean time you have, the less you'll push the boundaries trying to get pills. Even when I was using I found that as time passed the fewer chances I'd take. I don't even like thinking about the crap I did when I was younger. So, I'd say that you are just a more mature addict, if that's possible.
K

[Whollymolythathurt]

Agree.  I never got hooked until I was 42 and even that was a conscious decision.  20 or so surgeries and the last one did the trick.
I was a rx guy and from a professional level could never go to the street for pills.  

One thing these suckers did do was obliterate my testosterone level...now I gotta get that back up...no pun intended.

[cstep496]

"One thing these suckers did do was obliterate my testosterone level...now I gotta get that back up...no pun intended. ""

Are the pill's known for that?

[ariley13]

Opiates are known for killing the libido, whether you are male or female. No worries, though...it comes flying right back pretty soon after you quit, and it's usually out of control! Great job on your clean time, and on getting right back up after you fell off the wagon. Keep fighting, things will get better!

[dominosarah]

Pills kill our sex drive........but look out cuz once it comes back it is game on!!  Keep some water handy!!

[Whollymolythathurt]

Mine dropped 50% from 42-45 but i attribute at least 20% to me getting older.  Like ariley mentioned and i have read, the libido comes back quick.  I'm on day 10...again.  I went 20 in Dec and even then it wasn't back.  Then again, i'm 45 so who knows.

I have a beautiful 3 & 6 year old and wife does not want a 3rd so its a non issue for me.  I just want the energy back.