Rough day yesterday...

[3Xs_U_R_Out]

So I want to start off by saying I am still clean. Thankfully!
I had a rough time yesterday though.
And I lied to you all...yet again.
I had 2 backup plans laying there just waiting for me to be weak enough.
Yesterday I went to the doctor and got a script. I went to the pharmacy and tried to fill it.
Well....it was taking a while and I knew it. I get a call from pharmacist saying dps has red flagged me. They have to call my doctor and tell them and see if they still want to fill it.  I panicked and left. I called other doctor who used to write scripts and she said she can't do it anymore.
So in one fail swoop, both those sources are GONE!
Which I am at this point incredibly thankful for!
I knew yesterday too. I was way more nervous than I should've been.
My body telling me to do it my head telling me not to.
Just stupid....so so stupid!
Agh!!!
So now I'm here thankful I couldn't get them and use. But also I am so incredibly worried. So worried that ill be arrested or something.
God I hope they look the other way and don't do that.
I don't know what all this dps red flagged stuff means. (If anyone had experience or insight that'd be great). I'm in Texas btw.
But I do not that I am NOT using again!
I know I told you all before that my sources are gone.
Well....now they truly are.
In a way it's a relief.
So I'm ready for all your words....good or bad.

[VICourageous]

Hi..I am so sorry for all of this..Just what you need right now while you are going through Detox..Stress & Drama is one of are worst enemy's.
I have read lots on here and sometimes it has to do with the Insurance Companies..If you have Insurance they will only pay every 30 days..If they see that the refills are coming from different Drs or to early it can send up a Flag..I am not sure if you used Insurance or Cash. In my opinion what I think would help right now is get into some IOP or Therapy or even a group with a counselor..Have them sign a piece of paper showing that you are showing up..I do believe you can do the same in AA/NA. It would look good for you that you have been getting Support. Any out Side Addiction Support..Just have a binder and dated it and have them sign..I really think this would help be a plus on your side. They just want to see that you are trying to get help and that you made a mistake when you where in your Drug thinking mind. Other wise I would call or do some research so you will know what might happen. Maybe even talk to a Attorney that deals with this all the time. The DEA is so busy these days and they see this all the time..Hopefully you will be small potatoes to them,,BUT it is still a Fraud but try getting help to show them you are in Recovery. One thing I am confused about is that you had a scrip from a Dr right?? Most Dr sit there right in the office and look you up on the computer to make sure you did not already pick up some. I was with someone when they did this..They just got embarrassed and walked out..Nothing was ever reported...They also can see all the Meds you are on..I wish you peace and try to calm down just a bit..Some things are not in our hands but Gods..Trust me I know with all the crisis I have been dealing with after having almost 16 Months clean from many, many years of Substance abuse..Hang Tight the results should not be as bad as you think..
Sending a Big Prayer Your Way!
Bless

[EvolverU]

Shoulda', woulda', etc!! ;)) Believe me a lot of folks get into much deeper trouble before clarity descends. It's just the nature of addiction. So, don't beat yourself up & yes! absolutely, focus on the positive. (So glad you're open to the breathwork. It really does help.)

I'm reallllly glad that you have a Dr. (who happens to be a caring soul!) who you opened up to about your  addiction & I'm super  proud that you phoned her. It's great that you're able to take some forward, positive initiative in this situation & for your future right now. I'm sure it was a relief putting in the call. (I hope she gets back to you soon.) If you open up to her about what's been going on, maybe she'll be able to advise you about the best way to handle this whole situation. (Again, you know best, as you know her best.) Trust your instincts.

I know you're frightened right now & it seems impossible that you'd ever be crazy enough to engage with opiates again but wild as it might sound -- after things die down, it's highly likely that your habit will pull at you again. So, this thing with your Dr. is an opportunity to put some structure in place to start protecting yourself now.

You're doing wonderfully. Work will be over  for you before you know it! ;-) Please, let us know how you're doing & what's up. We're here!

[3Xs_U_R_Out]

Evolver you have been such a help. Thank you so much.
I am now at work and "chained" to my desk sitting here with nothing but my thoughts.
I will try to do the meditation to calm me throughout the shift.
I know all else is out of my control.
What will happen will happen.
I have placed a call into my physician...the only one who knows of my addiction...the one who set me up on previous taper schedule. (She is not aware if this current situation to my knowledge).
Since I am 9days clean I am going to discuss with her my options for anxiety and continued cleanliness plan.
She is a helpful caring soul and I hope she still has some sympathy for me.
I will not discuss this situation with her unless she is made aware.
I just want her advise on what to do with my symptoms....
Which is what I should've done in the first place instead of going to dr to get more meds.
I am trying to be positive and put positive energy out there in hopes that positivity comes back to me.
I have learned my lesson...finally....this is life altering life or death fight for my life and family stuff. I should've realized that before now...
I should've!

[EvolverU]

This might help: Try to relax your facial, neck, shoulder, back, stomach & thigh muscles. Then, breathe deeply from your belly -- your core. Smile gently when you do this. Don't strain -- just focus on a point about two inches below your navel & inhale like no one else is around and you've just loosened your belt after a large meal -- let your belly & the small of your back expand but do it naturally -- don't strain. Do this slowly, then exhale slowly through your nose. Try to take 10 breaths this way, simply observing your breath as it fills you & leaves you. If racing thoughts intervene, just start again by relaxing your muscles, focusing on that place & 'watching' your breath. You can visualize breathing out stress/anxiety as you exhale through your nose. This is the basis of meditation & actually helps calm the sympathetic & parasympathetic nervous system. Walking also helps. You may only be able to focus on 2 or 3 breaths at first but it's cumulative. Take the time to do this when you feel overwhelmed. I'm sending you prayers & healing. ;-))

[3Xs_U_R_Out]

I'm reluctant to actually admit anything on a public forum ya know?
I mean I made mistakes. Hopefully the consequence aren't too severe.
Hopefully I can just take this as the huge lesson that it is.
Hopefully someone along the way will have compassion.
I don't know. I'm so freaked out. My heart is racing and now I have to go to work. Ugh!

[ariley13]

That's what this sounds like to me too. When I was on Norco, there were many times the pharmacy had to verify my script with the doctor. It is just an added measure for them to cover their butts and prevent prescription fraud.