Serious(ly rediculous) Question

Question

Ok, I understand this is going to seem like a completely outrageous question/favor and that it may seem like I'm asking for some guardian angel to come down and rescue me. I would first like to state that I have not used at all in 6 months, but have been taking suboxone instead. I know at this point I have no desire to use, yet I have a very difficult time getting through withdrawls; and knowing how long it takes for subs makes it worse. I've done it once before but now I feel like I've lost everything I had to live for. My reason to live right now is to get completely clean, but this is hard to do with a brother who uses and gets away with it, yet if my dad (who I had to move back in with) were to catch on to my withdrawls would kick me out on the streets. I also have a very labor intensive job that is next to impossible to do while dopesick. My girlfriend got sick of me doing subs and kicked me out, my college education was screwed up, I have a lot of things I want back. For me to do this, I need to detox to get my head straight and that feels impossible here, and my insurance wont help me with rehab. I'm sorry how long winded this is but what I'm about to ask really doesnt require much work, just trust of a stranger. I feel at this point like it would be worth paying someone/anyone a decent amount of money for them to lock me in their basement for a couple months. The further away from my state (NH) the better. I'll fly anywhere, pay you, stay locked in a room with a tv and my xbox, buy my own food, clean my own mess, be quiet and not even noticeable that I'm there. I would want to be getting this assistance preferably from someone who has long term clean time, someone who could maybe bring me to NA meetings in the area? I'm willing to leave my job, friends, family, everything to go into isolation and conquer this demon. I know I sound 100% crazy and it's rediculous for me to think anyone would be willing to do this for a complete stranger. But we could talk, get my phone number, get to know eachother and feel the situation out over time. If you're interested, all I can say is wow thank you and send me a message lol. If you think this was the most rediculous thing to ask.. well I hope I was able to give you a good laugh at least :) Thank you for your time reading through this lengthy tirade
   Thank you and God bless
         Jeff

JephWyte · Answer

Yo it's all good Halstead I knew what you meant, no worries at all brotha. And I still wouldn't take offense to what people say online anyways. It is really refreshing to see just how many people have thought the same exact thing I did haha. And I can't thank everyone enough for the positive reinforcement and words of wisdom. Yeah I looked into the thomas recipe and I also got some messages mentioning Clonidine and.. Gabapan? Something like that I'm not sure I'd have to check the message again for the spelling. And Greatgeebo, thank you for the information on the buspar. I think I might try it for the one week it takes to start working, then once I notice the effects, make my decision promptly. But I will deffinitely do my research and make an educated decision. 

        My ex girlfriend had me visit her at her work last night to see eachother for the first time since I moved out of her place 2 weeks ago. This whole relationship situation has been an underlying source of a lot of my depression, but after all the sadness last night from visiting her and realizing that a future for us is unrealistic.. I'm starting to get that closure. I'm still depressed from it, and I've never been this devestated over a girl before, but we knew I wasn't happy with the person I am, so how can I be happy in a relatinoship? This just furthers my motivation to get clean so I can be an optimistic person with self-esteem and inner peace, and then I will find someone years down the road when I have accomplished this. And today is the first day since the breakup that I actually dont feel miserable!! :) I know I'm rambling about my personal life, but I finally feel.. dare I say, happy? Even if it only lasts an hour.. it's improvement. I just can't have her texting me daily saying "I'm going to sleep, I love you" and yet have her not want to even see my face. So I (politely) asked her to stop talking to me completely untill I can get my head straight. Thank you all for your support. And also for letting me vent, this has proven to be VERY therapeutic for me :)
   God bless,
      -Jeff

Greatgreebo · Answer

yep....I know whose post you are looking at. Not nice.
I'm hoping Jeph posts again so we know how he is...

Greebs

halstead124 · Answer

jep im sorry i was thinking about that guy in here yesterday i got names confused i thought he was still jackin with ya  so i was gettin fired up with that dude ,sorry again

halstead124 · Answer

dude i had the guys mixed up it was the other guy i was going off on not jep ,look at post icalled the other guy jep by mistake,sorry jep been on your side whole time i feel same way as  greebo

Greatgreebo · Answer

mean, mean, mean.
Come on man, we've all been there mentally- we just didn't think to write it down on the forum.
I've said/done some crazy stuff when WDing....we all have. Unfortunately, we all have WAY too much time on our hands when in withdrawals because we don't usually sleep, or leave the house or do anything. Nothing but hours on end to think.....which can lead to a little crazyness. 
 
You know what they say, 'People in glass houses......'


Stay strong,
Greatgreebo

halstead124 · Answer

dude you got way to much time on tour hands,let it go bro

Greatgreebo · Answer

If you read the literature, Buspar actually increases anxiety in a proportion of people. My personal opinion is do NOT take the buspar. My personal experience is that I have seen it used a lot in out patient situations involving chronic, mentally ill people (I was a social worker for a while) and I wouldn't recommend it for someone in our situation. I, myself, was prescribed said Buspar by a former physician of mine for anxiety (during my last WD's--which I didn't tell him about). The Buspar made it worse for me, much worse. Also-if you do decide to take it, and you are on other meds be sure to get on the internet to check for drug interactions (i.e. if Doc. also prescribes Trazadone for sleep). 
You can give it a shot if you trust your doctor and they know what is up with you. If they don't, then I would be careful about the meds they prescribe because they are giving them to you without full knowledge of the problem. I'm sure if you're on Sub. the Doc. must know though......so, do your reading, hang in there and remember...........it's okay to be a little crazy sometimes when you are down in a deep, dark hole and feeling so very alone!!!!
I didn't find your post odd at all............I've been there my friend.

Stay strong,
Greatgreebo

halstead124 · Answer

SORRY JEPH I WROTE YOUR NAME DOWN INSTEAD OF DUDE I WAS GOING OFF ON  DIDNT WANT YOU TO TINK I MEANT YOU SORRY

halstead124 · Answer

YEAH I MAYBE I DONT KNOW IVE BEEN TO THAT POINT AWILE BACK I WISH SMEBODY WOULD JUST LOCK ME UP SOME WHERE LONG ENOUGH TO QUIT TO THIS ALL THE TIME

lucyred68 · Answer

you got the wrong guy.  it was jeph who wanted to be lockd in the basement!!

halstead124 · Answer

DUDE YOU AINT EVER HAD A DESPRATE THOUGHT THE KIDS SAYING HE WILLING TO DO SMOETHING INSANE JUST TO BE ABLE TO QUIT ITS HIS FRAME OF MIND THERE WERE TIMES IVE D/T I WANTED SOMEBODY TO LOCK ME IN BASEMENT YOU AINT EVER BEEN HURTIN SO BAD YOU AINT EVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO YOUR SELF,COMMON BRO SURE YA HAVE

laurel453 · Answer

Hi, Jeff.... good that you are feeling better :) ... the thomas recipe that you were sent was the old one which includes a benzo, right. We have it reposted without the benzos on the health pages precisely because being addicts it was a risk .

JephWyte · Answer

Wow. Looking back at my post I almost want to laugh at myself. Throughout the recent weeks I've been jumping back and forth between optimism and pesimism multiple times a day. So reading my question here brings me into a realization of how low my low points and desperation really feels. I have to say, I was amazed at the abundance of positive responses and messages in my inbox, with small exceptions (DJ Kleen, sorry for wasting your precious time). And would like to thank everybody who offered advice and help in different ways. I've been going to NA meetings 2-3 times a week but a few ppl I've asked to sponsor me want me to get 30 days off of subs first, and not just my DOC. I'm a very high energy, talkitive, out going and active person; so when I get the lethargic 500pd lead suit feeling of wd's, its frusturating. But I can deal with this, even at work, because it pales in comparison to the psychological repercussions and intense panic attacks/depression. I'm looking into therapy and anything else to help me become the motivated person who wanted to conquer the world that I once was. One member sent me a message with the thomas recipe listed in it, and I noticed that Valium was reccomended in there. I've never been a fan of benzos (mainly k pins or xanax) but I can see how the Valium could help calm me down a LOT. My PCP prescribed me Buspar (Buspirone).. has anyone heard of or taken this before? And if so is it helpful? Thank you all for your time, kind words, and warm hearts. It really does mean the world to me and I will be sure to keep in touch with everyone individually.
  Thank you all and God bless
           Jeff

Discography · Answer

Hiya,
I don't think it's silly. Nor unrealistic. Desperate maybe, but who of us here haven't been or aren't currently that way!

Between the lines, you want somebody who knows your situation, will not judge you, will support you and mentor you a little, and ensure you don't go off the rails. This doesn't seem like too much to ask, and if I lived closer to you I would ask you to come on over. No locks though. I think the change of environment and having somebody watching out for you would do the trick. 

If you're serious about this, pose the question in different words, and submit it as an advertisement in newspapers or publications out of state. Perhaps small country towns. I could help you with the wording if you like. 

Good luck. Where there's a will there is a way. 

x Hugs

halstead124 · Answer

wow really sorry i dont think its funny at all i thiink in your state of mind your already making this a horiffic experience because of what you went through before ,,theres probably not a person thats gone through this kind of situation that hasent said something like god i wish somebody would throw in basement or lock me up in aroom to them selfs you just got to get yourself straight and set your mind to just doing it  hopefully the last time ,good luck,dave

IBKleen · Answer

Hi,

I don't think your quest is funny, it think it is desperate. Surely when you think about it, it is not the answer. If you have the money to fly somewhere and pay someone, then you have the money to enter treatment and let professionals help you.

I know it feels impossible right now and hopeless, but it never is. There is always hope so keep talking and maybe we can make some suggestions for you.

In the meantime, hang in there.

dominosarah · Answer

Only you can rescue you~~

laurel453 · Answer

i think that your request comes from your desperation but i am afraid it is an unrealistic one as others have said. Not that i didn't think of things like this at my lowest and most desperate moments.."what if someone would come and rescue me " Yeah, it sounded great then but at the end, we have to understand that our "rescue" can only come from ourselves and this is what you are doing step by step for now. There is not an instant solution...suppose you find someone who will lock you for 2 months...what would happen afterwards ? The main point we have to re-learn is to deal with life on life's terms...this is to face our problems and deal with them NOW. Now, you are afraid of wds and making those fears grow bigger inside yourself.. Face them... from what i have read here about sub wds, they are not to fear more than any other wds... the lack of energy is one of the symptoms that linger longer and the mental battle is tough but like any other's wds and also keep on mind that your attitude can make a difference. You said that you were ready to give up your job if you find this guardian...this is what matters: nothing is as important as our recovery . Using is not an option, no matter what happens....You can go to na meetings and find a sponsor. You can follow a disciplined life with healthy eating, exercise, read the thomas recipe and the amino acid protocol  ( the protocol can help a<fter detoxing ), rest, no toxic relationships ( avoid your brother ), stay here and  write on your journal how you are doing daily and be proactive on your recovery, don't fear it...

justneedtotalk · Answer

Ha ha ha ha.......I am sorry, I am not laughing at you....I just have never seen a post like this before!  You can do this without the help of staying in the basement of Hannibal's house!  You just need to take the time off you are going to need.....Research and talk with local NA and AA groups and really form a relationship with a sponsor....That sponsor can help you through the hard part and make sure you stay in the group after you start feeling better.....You are on the right track with admitting that you have a problem, now you just have to follow through with the local AA or NA groups.  

There are a lot of suggestions for suppliments and vitamins in the health pages under Amino Therapy which you HAVE TO get and follow....Do not get me wrong, Suboxone is tough but it is doable....Just think, the sooner you do this and get through it, the sooner you can start turning your life back around.....Remember.....life is a gift, not a promise!

DJ_Kleen · Answer

Dude, please get off the drugs. I really wanted to help until I read the "lock me in your basement for a couple months."
Good God, I'll never get those few minutes back...

natalile · Answer

You sound like you really really want to do this, But i don't honestley think this is the way 2 do it. Ye if anyone is willing to do this for you @ the end of it you will still have to go bk to your life, which includes all your old dealers, useing buddys ect ect, You will find this part the hardest. People think the w/ds are the hardest, i found that the living around the same old was the hardest, 4 me thats when the demonds come bk & your will power has 2 be so strong. Is there no way you can take to your family & explain the situation ?? I'm guessing the answer is no as you'd of done that by now.
Have you found any NA groups in our area ????. Is there no way you can take a few weeks holiday from work just to get you past the w/ds ??? I feel for you hun i really do, you sound like you need this so bad but you have to be realistic. Who no's someone may help you in the way ou want, but like i said once its all done you will still have to go bk & see your bro that uses ect ect & that can be the hardest part, but i'm repeting myself now lol. I'm a herion user but have been clean for just over 67 days YEY lol but its not been easy, i have a dealer who lives across the road, i see all the users i used to hang with all the time ( but i dont hang with them any more ) you have 2 cut everyone of. There will always be a battle to fight untill your 100% clean & even then i belive that ye it gets easer but it's always there, If you have a bad day @ work, a bust up with your gilfreind & the list go's on, You have to be strong & acsses the help that you can. I think it's awful that you canot go into detox. I live in the u.k & if your on a programm they pay for detox, rehab the lot. You will make it huny just have faith in yourself & your half way there 
Peace out Nat xxx & thinking of you xxx. I hope more people post & give you the support you need xx

sudie58 · Answer

hi, i wouldnt laugh at you, i am very sorry for your situation, and can see how very desperate you are, there has to be another way, i really cant see it would be right for anybody to do as you ask, there will be another way, i think only you can rescue you.i really hope others will be able to give you more advice and help, i do know how hard withdrawals are, but they can be done.its a bit quiet on here at weekends, but you will get more replies and help soon, and i will help in any way i can, god bless