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Should I turn my heroin addicted daughter into the police?
I don't know wht else to do!! I found out 2 yrs ago this summer that my, now, 25 yr old daughter is a heroin addict. It began with "experimenting" with oxy, and that lead to heroin. I live in anohter state, and have flown to where she lives numerous time to try to give "tough love".. I took away the car I bought her (for college), I called the police on her because one day I found out (from my youngest daughter) taht she was driving while high/drunk...etc..etc..My daughter's father has been 100% enabling her: lieing ot the police, paying for her apartment, car, car insurance, utilities, food, anad college classes (that she never attended). I have called him numersous times, begging him to do an Intervention with me and her two sisters..he hangs up on me and refuses to confront her as "he doesn't want her to hate him". (When I turned her into the police for driving while high and drunk, the last words I have heard from her mouth was:" I hate you and wish you would die, and if you died tomorrow, I wouldn't go to your funeral" and that was August of 2009)...
I don't know what else to do!! She will only speak to her younger sister. Last Dec. (2009) she went to detox. the
"plan" was that her father will take her to rehab immediately after detox..Her enabling father did a "180" and allowed her to go back to her apartment. thus, back to heroin...
Most recently, my younger daughter told me that she had heard my heroin addicted daughter has turned to prostitution to pay for her drugs..and my addicted daughter "was" a wonderful, happy, healthy, college student who played 2 years of college volleyball!! Now she is a heroin addict and a prostitute!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??
Just this last Feb. (2010) she was arrested for shoplifting. They searched her bag and found heroin. I contacted the prosecuting DA. We had a couple of great conversations. The DA was extremely helpful, and even spoke to her aobut her future after the hearing!! I sent a 3 page letter BEGGING that the court sentence her to a jail term with court ordered detox and rehab...she only received "probation", as they had to follow the law pertaining to "first offenders"..
My daughter needs help!! No one will help me, help her, except her younger sister.
Plus, I live in another state, which makes it more difficult trying to help "long distance".
Her father will NOT do "tough love" and, as mentioned, "covers up for her"..even when he found out she was prostituting herself out, his statement to my younger daughter was, "well..at least she is paying for her own things a little"..Her "father" should be jailed, too!!!
Should I call the police and inform them that there is illegal drug use going on in her apartment? I feel that this will be the only way to save her life!! At least in jail, she can "detox" and perhaps see "normally" and decide to go to rehab!! Right now, she is seeing the world through "heroin haze" and does not want help..
What should I do??
I don't know what else to do!! She will only speak to her younger sister. Last Dec. (2009) she went to detox. the
"plan" was that her father will take her to rehab immediately after detox..Her enabling father did a "180" and allowed her to go back to her apartment. thus, back to heroin...
Most recently, my younger daughter told me that she had heard my heroin addicted daughter has turned to prostitution to pay for her drugs..and my addicted daughter "was" a wonderful, happy, healthy, college student who played 2 years of college volleyball!! Now she is a heroin addict and a prostitute!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??
Just this last Feb. (2010) she was arrested for shoplifting. They searched her bag and found heroin. I contacted the prosecuting DA. We had a couple of great conversations. The DA was extremely helpful, and even spoke to her aobut her future after the hearing!! I sent a 3 page letter BEGGING that the court sentence her to a jail term with court ordered detox and rehab...she only received "probation", as they had to follow the law pertaining to "first offenders"..
My daughter needs help!! No one will help me, help her, except her younger sister.
Plus, I live in another state, which makes it more difficult trying to help "long distance".
Her father will NOT do "tough love" and, as mentioned, "covers up for her"..even when he found out she was prostituting herself out, his statement to my younger daughter was, "well..at least she is paying for her own things a little"..Her "father" should be jailed, too!!!
Should I call the police and inform them that there is illegal drug use going on in her apartment? I feel that this will be the only way to save her life!! At least in jail, she can "detox" and perhaps see "normally" and decide to go to rehab!! Right now, she is seeing the world through "heroin haze" and does not want help..
What should I do??
You make a number of excellent points. Yes, there is a lot of stigma associated with replacement therapy but at the end of the day the addict has to make the choice that helps THEM best regain control of their lives. There should be no one size fits all approach to recovery, RT can be a great *tool* to help the suffering addict stay alive and get the help they need.
kej57 I really feel for you, I sent you a PM and you have my prayers. No mother should have to go through what your having to but hopefully one day she will see that it was you who loved her enough to go to any lengths to save her life. Daddy dearest is enabling to the point of being completely toxic to her. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read what he said when he found out she was prostituting herself. Makes me think this sick ******* may be actually benefitting from the proceeds, maybe she's supplying his drug habit. At any rate I hope and pray she gets the help she really needs.
kej57 I really feel for you, I sent you a PM and you have my prayers. No mother should have to go through what your having to but hopefully one day she will see that it was you who loved her enough to go to any lengths to save her life. Daddy dearest is enabling to the point of being completely toxic to her. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read what he said when he found out she was prostituting herself. Makes me think this sick ******* may be actually benefitting from the proceeds, maybe she's supplying his drug habit. At any rate I hope and pray she gets the help she really needs.
Oh..one more comment...her father has a BS, MA, a PhD (in "education" can you believe it?). I divorced him YEARS and YEARS ago (when the kids were little) as "he" is an alcoholic, he smoked pot, and he physically abused me. I had to get a restraining order on him. My fear is that my daughter has inherited a "predisposition" to addiction.
Hi~ This is terribly sad and you're in a frustrating position. Calling the police may get the ball rolling but I have a feeling she'll end up in jail on her own. Everything she does
is illegal! As a mother,it's hard to sit back and watch this disaster unfold. I know.
But,you don't have a lot of choices. There is something called The Baker Act. It's a law
that enables the police to arrest someone and hold them for(I think) 72 hours,if the person is deemed to be a harm to themselves or to others. This usually leads to a rehab situation. I don't have all the details,you can check it out on Google...but I know a family can just call and give the police any info they have and the police decide.
That's all I can add. You're getting some great support here,as usual for the forum!
Keep posting~
Vicki
is illegal! As a mother,it's hard to sit back and watch this disaster unfold. I know.
But,you don't have a lot of choices. There is something called The Baker Act. It's a law
that enables the police to arrest someone and hold them for(I think) 72 hours,if the person is deemed to be a harm to themselves or to others. This usually leads to a rehab situation. I don't have all the details,you can check it out on Google...but I know a family can just call and give the police any info they have and the police decide.
That's all I can add. You're getting some great support here,as usual for the forum!
Keep posting~
Vicki
Hi Kej,
You got some very good advise. I would just like to add a few things.
First, I think it would be very helpful to you if you were to do some reading on the "disease" of addiction and understand that it is a disease and that your daughter is sick.
You spoke of a nice community, college degrees, nice family, etc. None of that has anything at all to do with addiction. Addicts come in all sizes, shapes, colors, religions and social backgrounds. Addiction does not discriminate.
The reason I bring this up is if you are approaching your daughter with a "You came from a good background, what is wrong with you" attitude, then she will not get the message. That is not tough love. If you put her down and make her feel like a junkie, she will be a junkie.
Your daughter is using drugs to mask her feelings, to get outside of herself and make herself feel good. There is something, or several things, that she cannot deal with and drugs help her to forget them and not feel them.
Because heroin is such a very hard drug to get off of, I have to suggest a long-term treatment center with intense therapy. If you have the insurance and are able to get her into a good center, that is what I suggest.
As far as calling the police, like it was asked-what are they going to arrest her for? Possession? She will be out in two days and mad as a hornet. Unless she is selling it, there is not much you can get her for. I don't think it is a good idea to turn her in at all, again, that is not tough love and she will resent you for it. Not to mention it could ruin a future career.
I hope that you continue to talk here and listen to the members here before you make a final decision and also read as much as you can. Best of luck to all of you. I will keep you in my prayers.
You got some very good advise. I would just like to add a few things.
First, I think it would be very helpful to you if you were to do some reading on the "disease" of addiction and understand that it is a disease and that your daughter is sick.
You spoke of a nice community, college degrees, nice family, etc. None of that has anything at all to do with addiction. Addicts come in all sizes, shapes, colors, religions and social backgrounds. Addiction does not discriminate.
The reason I bring this up is if you are approaching your daughter with a "You came from a good background, what is wrong with you" attitude, then she will not get the message. That is not tough love. If you put her down and make her feel like a junkie, she will be a junkie.
Your daughter is using drugs to mask her feelings, to get outside of herself and make herself feel good. There is something, or several things, that she cannot deal with and drugs help her to forget them and not feel them.
Because heroin is such a very hard drug to get off of, I have to suggest a long-term treatment center with intense therapy. If you have the insurance and are able to get her into a good center, that is what I suggest.
As far as calling the police, like it was asked-what are they going to arrest her for? Possession? She will be out in two days and mad as a hornet. Unless she is selling it, there is not much you can get her for. I don't think it is a good idea to turn her in at all, again, that is not tough love and she will resent you for it. Not to mention it could ruin a future career.
I hope that you continue to talk here and listen to the members here before you make a final decision and also read as much as you can. Best of luck to all of you. I will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you..I agree with you on all of your points you are sharing with me!
I do understand that addiction is a "disease" and coming from a good community, ect..doesn't mean that a person will not be an addict..(Look at her biological father) I do understand that addiction comes in all shapes, sixes, colors, and socio-economic levels..I guess I was thinking/writing outloud, trying to think of a "reason" she would want to "escape". And, her fall into drug addiction occurred SO FAST!! Fine one week, drug addict the next week..I just "don't understand what caused it"! And as her mother who loves her with all of my heart, I am just trying to understand the "WHY" issue...and the "WHAT" happened issue...
I agree completely, that she needs intensive counseling, as she has become a drug addict to "mask" some feelings that are haunting her..I just don't know what happened to her! What "feelings" are bothering her so deeply??I don't know and she won't talk to me..
I hear you regarding not turning her in to the police. I have thought out every scenerio, every course of action, every possible way to get through to her, and as previously mentioned, I came to the conclusion that I would rather see her "alive" and in jail, than "dead"...but...I see your point in that jail time may not be the answer..Man..I wish I knew what the "right" AND "best" thing to do was, as I am terrified she is going to die within a year!!
Thank you so much for your points of view/opinions!! I am listening and an absorbing!!! Thank you!!
I do understand that addiction is a "disease" and coming from a good community, ect..doesn't mean that a person will not be an addict..(Look at her biological father) I do understand that addiction comes in all shapes, sixes, colors, and socio-economic levels..I guess I was thinking/writing outloud, trying to think of a "reason" she would want to "escape". And, her fall into drug addiction occurred SO FAST!! Fine one week, drug addict the next week..I just "don't understand what caused it"! And as her mother who loves her with all of my heart, I am just trying to understand the "WHY" issue...and the "WHAT" happened issue...
I agree completely, that she needs intensive counseling, as she has become a drug addict to "mask" some feelings that are haunting her..I just don't know what happened to her! What "feelings" are bothering her so deeply??I don't know and she won't talk to me..
I hear you regarding not turning her in to the police. I have thought out every scenerio, every course of action, every possible way to get through to her, and as previously mentioned, I came to the conclusion that I would rather see her "alive" and in jail, than "dead"...but...I see your point in that jail time may not be the answer..Man..I wish I knew what the "right" AND "best" thing to do was, as I am terrified she is going to die within a year!!
Thank you so much for your points of view/opinions!! I am listening and an absorbing!!! Thank you!!
i feel for you, kej, you're in a soul killing situation for a mother.
what i can't see very clearly is the point : in jail and alive. Are you sure this would be the scenery ? I mean, while in drugs we are so "basic" and our reactions so crazy that she could felt sort of "cornered" and in this situation, the first reaction will be attack, almost an animal/basic reacton,, and she can't attack you more than damaging herself to hurt you, we can be so irrational .... this could be one possibility and also she could detoxed herself compulsory in jail but with hate inside her, she could do drugs once outside and go down the road in high speed then , could it be just an extreme reaction inimaginable ? ..... you know , i wouldn't like taking this risk at this point just yet...
has she ever talked of wanting to leave drugs after the first detox ?
what i can't see very clearly is the point : in jail and alive. Are you sure this would be the scenery ? I mean, while in drugs we are so "basic" and our reactions so crazy that she could felt sort of "cornered" and in this situation, the first reaction will be attack, almost an animal/basic reacton,, and she can't attack you more than damaging herself to hurt you, we can be so irrational .... this could be one possibility and also she could detoxed herself compulsory in jail but with hate inside her, she could do drugs once outside and go down the road in high speed then , could it be just an extreme reaction inimaginable ? ..... you know , i wouldn't like taking this risk at this point just yet...
has she ever talked of wanting to leave drugs after the first detox ?
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