Aa
Struggling, just hit 100 hours.
Hi everyone, i'm new here. I'm 30 years old, have been using percocet for a longggg time. Like others, sick of the fog, sick of the chase, sick of it all. I am struggling bad today and wanted...needed...to join others who understand. I confessed to my husband, who had absolutely no idea. I told him as I started to get sick. He has stood by me 100%. I am so grateful for it, but as you know, an non-addict can never truly understand what you are going through. I'm proud of what I've forced through so far. I even FORCED myself to go bowling on day 2 when I was invited. I've organized my house, went to the mall, etc. It is when I am forcing through that I am ok. But good lord is it hard when you are home and you are so used to popping that pill as part of your routine. So, I just hit 100 hours. I am struggling. Not struggling to use again, I have made that completely NOT an option in my life. I have two beautiful children who don't need a pill popping mother. The hardest part for me is the physical symptoms of exhaustion, and the stomach issues. Sleep doesn't come easy but I don't expect it to yet. I guess I just needed to join in, and hear that it will get better, because that is just so hard to believe right now. I just wanna be me again :(
Hi,
I'm a 35 yr old male who was put on percocet after dislocating my shoulder while weightlifting. As is the norm, it started conservatively with 3-4 5/325's and then physical therapy started so the doctor increased my script to the 10/325's.. up to 5 a day. Needless to say, my tolerance went up and I would run out before my next appt. A friendly neighbourhood drug dealer was more than happy to help (very expensive help).
Soon I was taking 10-12 10mg Percocet a day, usually four at a time and sometimes more. My level of pain certainly didn't call for this amount and I realized I was now taking them strictly for the psychoactive effect.
I should also say that I have Type 2 Bipolar Disorder or Major Depressive Disorder and I have been on and off all sorts of psychiatric meds over the last ten years. Oxycodone DID have a profound effect on my symptoms. My girlfriend even commented on how much BETTER I seemed. She attributed it to my Psychiatrist finally getting something right. I, of course, didn't argue and continued to hide my pill addiction.
Long story short, I got sick of being a slave to these little demons (always counting them, wondering how/if I can get more etc...) and decided to taper. I've managed to get down to 4 10mg tablets and I'm going to step it down by 5mg each day (1/2 of a tablet) So far I've had no real withdrawals except anxiety..
I guess my question is: Is it going to get really bad when I decide to take none?
And as far as suggestions, working out seems to help a great deal although that may not be an option for some of you.
And last but not least, Marijuana. Yes, this much maligned plant can smooth out the rough spots in a way nothing else can.. I am NOT condoning drug use and I realize this is not for everyone, I'm just being honest..Replacing 1 bad habit with another is not a good idea but in all honesty a little pot Helped with the empty feelings of dread I would get at night while cutting down from 12 to 4.. Hopefully, by next week I'll be clean and free of WD's. Wish me luck and good luck to all of you!
Thanx for reading my rant
Michael
I'm a 35 yr old male who was put on percocet after dislocating my shoulder while weightlifting. As is the norm, it started conservatively with 3-4 5/325's and then physical therapy started so the doctor increased my script to the 10/325's.. up to 5 a day. Needless to say, my tolerance went up and I would run out before my next appt. A friendly neighbourhood drug dealer was more than happy to help (very expensive help).
Soon I was taking 10-12 10mg Percocet a day, usually four at a time and sometimes more. My level of pain certainly didn't call for this amount and I realized I was now taking them strictly for the psychoactive effect.
I should also say that I have Type 2 Bipolar Disorder or Major Depressive Disorder and I have been on and off all sorts of psychiatric meds over the last ten years. Oxycodone DID have a profound effect on my symptoms. My girlfriend even commented on how much BETTER I seemed. She attributed it to my Psychiatrist finally getting something right. I, of course, didn't argue and continued to hide my pill addiction.
Long story short, I got sick of being a slave to these little demons (always counting them, wondering how/if I can get more etc...) and decided to taper. I've managed to get down to 4 10mg tablets and I'm going to step it down by 5mg each day (1/2 of a tablet) So far I've had no real withdrawals except anxiety..
I guess my question is: Is it going to get really bad when I decide to take none?
And as far as suggestions, working out seems to help a great deal although that may not be an option for some of you.
And last but not least, Marijuana. Yes, this much maligned plant can smooth out the rough spots in a way nothing else can.. I am NOT condoning drug use and I realize this is not for everyone, I'm just being honest..Replacing 1 bad habit with another is not a good idea but in all honesty a little pot Helped with the empty feelings of dread I would get at night while cutting down from 12 to 4.. Hopefully, by next week I'll be clean and free of WD's. Wish me luck and good luck to all of you!
Thanx for reading my rant
Michael
congratulations on 100 hours...it s a very good start to freedom...i know how you feel.. i have been there...i think you are doing very well with bowling on day 2..that great...i was so sick... still in bed on day 2 and most of 3. the mental stuff kind of hangs on a bit...bit of depression...low energy and sleeping troubles...i don t know how long you were using but it took me about 8 weeks to really feel decent....everyone is different though...i was using almost 4 years...like you i got sick of it...believe me you have made the right choice...it takes time but so worth the wait to get yourself back...keep posting...stay here...read the health pages...very helpful info...take care and keep on rackin up those hours....maria
Thanks you guys have been helping me soooo much love the comments and suggestions I am a father of 5-kids Live with 3 and I am into my 4th -24 hour detox and there is nothing more in this world that I want than some solid cleen time I have been getting out going to work I even walked the neiborhood and sold girlscout cookies last night with my 8 year old daugter.I am praying for all you guys and gals And your support and comments have helped me .Last week I was taking 30-40 pills aday 10 mm vicoden /10mm percocet and Idont have to do this any more
I understand where you are coming from and where you are at.
I am a 38 year old father of 2 (7 and 4 - youngsters). I, also, suffer from opiate (oxycodone) addiction. It has been a rollercoaster ride. In July, 2009, I managed to stop - c/t. Then, becuase of pure cockiness, those voices came back and said "just one or two - you can handle this". WRONG - I wound up in a full-blown relapse - back to 150 to 200mg.of oxy a day.
FF to today - I am clean now for ~ 2 months. You are absolutley correct - this is extremely hard, and gets harder w/ every relapse. So, what do we do? Get into a STRONG recovery program to make sure once we get clean, we stay clean.
Posting on a site like this is great. You get real time, relevent feeback from people who can identify with you.
What I found I needed to do was also work a 12 step program. Some addicts just cannot do this alone. I am weak, and need to lean on others.
You start off by doing this for you. Once our houses are in order, I think the rest will "fall" into place. I cannot speak from a voice of infinite wisdom. However, during the short time I have been clean, my relationships have gotten exponentially better. My children notice that dad is actually "there". My company notices that my personality at work is more even. My mom notices and recognizes a better son. Now the hard part - my wife. Opiate use had pushed our marriage of 10+ years to the brink. It can be saved - I have a lot of work to do. This was not something that she caused.
What I am trying to say is that you can make this work. You can get and stay clean. Life can and will get better. The worse case scenario is that you start dealing with life on life's terms.
Whenever you feel alone, scared, sad, depressed - post. Get to an A/A- N/A meeting. Talk to someone. It can be a little overwhelming at first. But talking to fellow addicts gives you that conduit to open expression you are looking for.
Best of luck, and keep up the good fight!
mottam
I am a 38 year old father of 2 (7 and 4 - youngsters). I, also, suffer from opiate (oxycodone) addiction. It has been a rollercoaster ride. In July, 2009, I managed to stop - c/t. Then, becuase of pure cockiness, those voices came back and said "just one or two - you can handle this". WRONG - I wound up in a full-blown relapse - back to 150 to 200mg.of oxy a day.
FF to today - I am clean now for ~ 2 months. You are absolutley correct - this is extremely hard, and gets harder w/ every relapse. So, what do we do? Get into a STRONG recovery program to make sure once we get clean, we stay clean.
Posting on a site like this is great. You get real time, relevent feeback from people who can identify with you.
What I found I needed to do was also work a 12 step program. Some addicts just cannot do this alone. I am weak, and need to lean on others.
You start off by doing this for you. Once our houses are in order, I think the rest will "fall" into place. I cannot speak from a voice of infinite wisdom. However, during the short time I have been clean, my relationships have gotten exponentially better. My children notice that dad is actually "there". My company notices that my personality at work is more even. My mom notices and recognizes a better son. Now the hard part - my wife. Opiate use had pushed our marriage of 10+ years to the brink. It can be saved - I have a lot of work to do. This was not something that she caused.
What I am trying to say is that you can make this work. You can get and stay clean. Life can and will get better. The worse case scenario is that you start dealing with life on life's terms.
Whenever you feel alone, scared, sad, depressed - post. Get to an A/A- N/A meeting. Talk to someone. It can be a little overwhelming at first. But talking to fellow addicts gives you that conduit to open expression you are looking for.
Best of luck, and keep up the good fight!
mottam
I was there yesterday and I also struggled! Read my post it will help a ton! Today I'm a new me and loving it! It's much more rewarding once you've beat the worst! I'm at roughly 115 hours and the past 7 have been wonderful! Sleep is tough but I feel good! Battle and conquer!
Mom, it will get better. Today at 5pm will be 9 days clean of oxycodone. W/d are pretty much gone..But its my mind that I worry about. I want to go get some and say..I can handle just a few every other day..I'm pretty stupid arn't I? But I am fighting the voices calling me to do it
Much Luck Remember your boys need you..Your lucky your husband was so nice My wife WAS Pissed..and the last week as been a real strain on our marriage
Much Luck Remember your boys need you..Your lucky your husband was so nice My wife WAS Pissed..and the last week as been a real strain on our marriage
It will get better, but, as you know, it sometimes takes longer than we hope. So keep your Not an Option attitude and you will get past this. That attitude is exactly what kept me going all of last year, NOT AN OPTION. Do whatever it takes to get over this. Pray long, Pray hard, and Pray often. You can do this. guv
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