Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
1453619 tn?1285168149

Struggling Big Time

I should really tell the story of the past year so everything makes more sense, but a lot has happened in my
life due to opiates and alcohol.  I was clean for 9 months from alcohol and 2 1/2 months from OxyContin and had been going through major family problems and marital problems because of it.  I got even more down last month and started sipping wine again.  I have gotten to the very sad and uncontrollable point that literally, 1,000 drinks are enuf for me bcuz I cannot stop once I start drinking. I drank two bottles of wine and got behind the wheel. We live in the country. I hit a tree going 45 mph and flew through the windshield. I was in the hospital for 4 days and have a broken neck, fractured back, one eye that can't see and is always closed, and a head that was bashed in and had stiches and looks terrible and hurts.  The depression was okay for a while after the accident because i was on 5/325 norcos, they didn't take all the pain away or make me super high but they helped. Well last week my dr became concerned about me getting dependent and she cut me off.  Every day I've had a better attitude about not taking any opiates again, I'm actually glad, but I do still have this awful underlying, CONSTANT depression and I simply cannot deal with it.  My husband and I were on our way to making things better when I had my accident, and he's been understanding, but he's getting sick of my not being able to anything because I have a huge neckbrace on all the time. I went online to see how others deal with things, but my main question is this (finally, sorry)-- How do you be HAPPY without stuff that internally makes you feel good?  I started in the first place because of a little bit of depression, and it got worse and worse.  I know I can live sober, but every single day I think about drugs and alcohol, and I struggle with sobriety. It's like I don't know how to act when I'm sober. I know that sounds terrible. I have 3 kids too, 6,10, and 15 years old.  This *****!!
7 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
1412212 tn?1285599428
Hi and welcome to the Forum! That was my question to "How do you be HAPPY without stuff that internally makes you feel good?" and I could not think that their was life on the other side of drugs. I was hit by an 18 wheeler so I do know what you are going through. I had neck and foot surgery and wore a brace for 3 months. After 3 years of this crazy addiction with pills and yes alcohol mixed in- almost losing my Husband and family- it was not worth it anymore. I quit CT and it was not an easy picnic but I knew what I was fighting for and that was another chance of life! I am 40 days today clean and I am doing so much better with out the the pills and the smell of alcohol makes me sick.
As far as your Dr goes He/She should have had a plan for you instead of just saying no more and have a nice day.....
If you are going CT make sure to check up on the Thomas Recipe and take a lot of hot baths. Drink plenty of fluids and get into some aftercare!
There is life after pills!
Keep us posted and God Bless~
Helpful - 0
1446949 tn?1291744782
hey girl Im and I struggle with some of the same issues , I have lupus and Im on  percocets and at first I took them as perscribed then I noticed they helped me forget what was going on in my personal life, I have  kids as well,and I am trying my butt off to get this under control but I too wonder how to live life sober. I never meant to get on this path, I am a 1st yr nurse as well as a  911 dispatcher, and used to have it all, I hit a bad drug addiction at age 28, got off of that and have been clean for 4 yrs, now im on this merry go round with my pain and pain pills. I have major marital issues and somedays the verbal abuse is to much and I want to shield it. I dont know what help I can be, to you hun but just know Im too struggling and if ya just ever need a friend a non-judgemental friend ya got 1 here, I have found some very great people here, so awesome , i post whatever I feel and I have such wonderful support, thinking of you and if ya need to talk im around
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It sounds like you are going through a really tough time at the moment.  Things must be very hard for you.  No wonder you are feeling low.  Is the Doctor not giving you anything like an antidepressant?  Do you think you could be suffering from some sort of underlying depression and perhaps using alcohol like a self-medication?  I just hope you can let all your worries go while you concentrate on recovering from your injuries.  

To answer your main question, How to be HAPPY without stuff that internally makes you feel good.  I suffered from depression and anxiety-couldn't work, couldn't function, could barely speak.  The only thing that turned me round was learning relaxation and meditation and some other mental health techniques.  It took me ages to master these but they helped me.  Just not being filled with dread all the time, I count as quite happy.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Jen -
I just had to write to you because I can relate soooo much to your story. I too am an alcoholic AND addict. Wasnt always that way, but long story. What caught my eye was your horrible depression. I know exactly what that feels like, you never feel like things are going to be ok, constantly worrying and depressed, cry at the drop of a hat. I have struggled with it for years, switching antidepressants, drinking to make it go away, taking pills because its ANYthing that makes that 'sad feeling' go away, at least for a while. But thats the problem, it only goes away, 'for a while' then its back even worse! You didnt mention, are you taking antidepressants? Do you have a AA group you can go to? Right now I'm in the process of going to a natureopathic doctor who tests your urine to see what brain chemicals are present, how much, if theyre low. Then they treat you with amino acids, etc. but I dont have the results yet. Its a last effort to try and turn this horrible depression around, as I am already on antidepressants. Then the depression gets U|N|bearable after I take a bunch of pain pills and have to withdraw, which is what Ive been doing for 4 days. I'm struggling too, and it may not take your pain away, but just know Youre Not Alone in this! Hang in there and keep posting ok?
Helpful - 0
1445648 tn?1470319663
Just think one day at at time I have wrecked my body over the past 30 years on bikes,MX,and street I found that the pills were and easy fix the to pain so I could get right back up and doing it again but recently ( past year) I have been up to 6 10/325 norco's aday plus a few beers " NOT GOOD" so on 9-13-10 i started looking at websites for help and found that I am just like you and many others struggling with pain killers for one reason or another but the good new is over the past 10 days im now down to 4 per day and hoping to get two 3 per day by the end of the month and thats my point just try small steps each day and see if taht works for you...
Helpful - 0
1446949 tn?1291744782
you all are great , even though this wasnt my post all what you wright I read and you all helping me too..... this depression is gonna kill me.. and the support here is so wonderful thanks to you all xoxo
Helpful - 0
1453619 tn?1285168149
I do take antidepressants. I have never had depression like I've had since I stopped taking the OxyContin.  Just when I think it couldn't get any worse, it does.  I have no zest for life anymore. I think about dying daily. The only reason I don't try is because I'm afraid I will live, get hospitalized, and really upset my husband and kids.  Sometimes I think they would be better off without me.  It's 8 in the morning and I want to drive to the store and buy some vodka.  I feel horrible saying that but maybe I need to get it out and acknowledge it by writing it here. If my husband found out I did, he would take the kids and leave me. I'm barely hanging on to my hubby and kids right now.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.