Aa
Surrender Again!!!
I see alot of people talking about the NA meetings. I wanted to share something about what happen tonight..Most of you know that I am dealing with my Mom and her Cancer that has come back. I have my 11 year old dog that is loosing his back legs..The the day before Thanksgiving my Dad died. One month before this my Father in Law died of Cancer.
433 days ago I was hitting both AA/NA every single day. 7 days week for almost 7-8 months. I have not had a drink of booze in over 9 years now. I started to slip back from going to the meetings a lot. It is like when we are sick and detoxing we feel the power of our God working..Then when we feel better we seem to slip away from him a bit.
I am 57 and have lost many in my Life but I was either drinking or on some kind of drugs. Now I see that it numbed my reality and thinking so I would not feel the pain. Well the last 3 days after my dads death I set alone in my room and just cried. I was one step away from going to the store to buy a Bottle of Booze or drive to a house and get some drugs..I could not live in my own skin over this. Well I was almost going to fall down. A friend called and told me to go to the Meeting tonight..he said it would help..I told him no..I am to out of it and I do not want to talk or hear any body else. BUT I did go. I heard lots of messages tonight through other people. When it was my time to share I cried so bad I could not even talk..I said the F word so many times and told them I want to go get drunk..Going to go get some drugs..I am mad and angry at God right now. I am not happy with me. I was in really bad shape. Well as we went around the room some more this one girl spoke. It hit me hard. She is going through the same thing and she kept saying SURRENDER..She says she says this every minute of the day right now..WOW it hit home. I left there with the biggest weight lifted off and went home and prayed to God that I surrender Again. I know that this meeting tonight saved my Life one more time.
I am only expressing this about how important it is to get aftercare..No excuses. If you do not like one meeting try others. Try AA too. Maybe try another town closer to you. I took my driver license back from Jesus and was once again driving the bus. I can not drive becasue I am a bad driver. Doing this on my own is what got me in this mess. I was slipping back into darkness when I backed off from the meetings while I was dealing with my dad. We can not do this alone. OUR Journey into this Recovery is not meant to be walked alone. Life will throw many bad things at us..We as Addicts are used to running and getting high on something to cover this pain or forget what is going on. This is why the meetings are so important. There are all kinds of different people there with different careers..This does not matter. What matters is that we all have one thing in common and it is our Addiction. When your day closes in on you and you feel you can not do this, hit a meeting. There is always a Angle that will go through someone to give you the message you needed to hear for the day. I know many make up excuses not to go. I live in a small town and I never run into anybody..If I do we do not talk in public about the meetings. What is said here stays here. It will not wreak your reputation it will say your life. I can not express how important this is..I went tonight and I was not going to..Tonight's meeting saved My life from my own insanity..SO try some meetings it will help you so much to understand so much about this disease. We can not do this alone. Do not listen to the rumors that people say..I call BS i have never had any problem at all at any meeting..I was working a very successful career when I first went. Do not worry about others. The aftercare will be the only thing that will save you in times of troubles. I swear by every inch of my Soul..I was Saved one more time tonight when I was so close to giving up..Try it you will like it. Staying clean takes alot of work..Dealing with life on life's terms takes work. We can not run and hide any more. Give it your all and you will see the Months turn into Years and every thing will balance out and by the Power of prayer you will make it the rest of your life..Just remember to have Support..I learned a very valuable lesson again tonight..Almost fell down and hurt myself. Because I was trying to do it on my own. lol
Bless us ALL!!!!
433 days ago I was hitting both AA/NA every single day. 7 days week for almost 7-8 months. I have not had a drink of booze in over 9 years now. I started to slip back from going to the meetings a lot. It is like when we are sick and detoxing we feel the power of our God working..Then when we feel better we seem to slip away from him a bit.
I am 57 and have lost many in my Life but I was either drinking or on some kind of drugs. Now I see that it numbed my reality and thinking so I would not feel the pain. Well the last 3 days after my dads death I set alone in my room and just cried. I was one step away from going to the store to buy a Bottle of Booze or drive to a house and get some drugs..I could not live in my own skin over this. Well I was almost going to fall down. A friend called and told me to go to the Meeting tonight..he said it would help..I told him no..I am to out of it and I do not want to talk or hear any body else. BUT I did go. I heard lots of messages tonight through other people. When it was my time to share I cried so bad I could not even talk..I said the F word so many times and told them I want to go get drunk..Going to go get some drugs..I am mad and angry at God right now. I am not happy with me. I was in really bad shape. Well as we went around the room some more this one girl spoke. It hit me hard. She is going through the same thing and she kept saying SURRENDER..She says she says this every minute of the day right now..WOW it hit home. I left there with the biggest weight lifted off and went home and prayed to God that I surrender Again. I know that this meeting tonight saved my Life one more time.
I am only expressing this about how important it is to get aftercare..No excuses. If you do not like one meeting try others. Try AA too. Maybe try another town closer to you. I took my driver license back from Jesus and was once again driving the bus. I can not drive becasue I am a bad driver. Doing this on my own is what got me in this mess. I was slipping back into darkness when I backed off from the meetings while I was dealing with my dad. We can not do this alone. OUR Journey into this Recovery is not meant to be walked alone. Life will throw many bad things at us..We as Addicts are used to running and getting high on something to cover this pain or forget what is going on. This is why the meetings are so important. There are all kinds of different people there with different careers..This does not matter. What matters is that we all have one thing in common and it is our Addiction. When your day closes in on you and you feel you can not do this, hit a meeting. There is always a Angle that will go through someone to give you the message you needed to hear for the day. I know many make up excuses not to go. I live in a small town and I never run into anybody..If I do we do not talk in public about the meetings. What is said here stays here. It will not wreak your reputation it will say your life. I can not express how important this is..I went tonight and I was not going to..Tonight's meeting saved My life from my own insanity..SO try some meetings it will help you so much to understand so much about this disease. We can not do this alone. Do not listen to the rumors that people say..I call BS i have never had any problem at all at any meeting..I was working a very successful career when I first went. Do not worry about others. The aftercare will be the only thing that will save you in times of troubles. I swear by every inch of my Soul..I was Saved one more time tonight when I was so close to giving up..Try it you will like it. Staying clean takes alot of work..Dealing with life on life's terms takes work. We can not run and hide any more. Give it your all and you will see the Months turn into Years and every thing will balance out and by the Power of prayer you will make it the rest of your life..Just remember to have Support..I learned a very valuable lesson again tonight..Almost fell down and hurt myself. Because I was trying to do it on my own. lol
Bless us ALL!!!!
Thank You all My Caring Souls out here.
I do believe what does not kill us will make us Stronger.
I am still very numb but this here will ease up.
Being that I have a little over a year and I am still in early recovery, this did make me wake up one more time and take my Sobriety very serious AGAIN!!!!
I feel like I did a 14th Step..Ha! My own wake up step toward all of this..lol
If you just started out..Please take this very serious and do get Support.
Never give in to your crazy confused emotions..This here will pass.
Bless
I do believe what does not kill us will make us Stronger.
I am still very numb but this here will ease up.
Being that I have a little over a year and I am still in early recovery, this did make me wake up one more time and take my Sobriety very serious AGAIN!!!!
I feel like I did a 14th Step..Ha! My own wake up step toward all of this..lol
If you just started out..Please take this very serious and do get Support.
Never give in to your crazy confused emotions..This here will pass.
Bless
Vic....I'm so grateful your friend called you and suggested a meeting (Somebody is looking out for you, eh?)....and also grateful that you did just the opposite of what you "wanted" to do. Resistance and obstinance are not my friends....they are my enemies in recovery. (afterall, I already tried it "my" way.....numbing and isolating)
It's been my experience that when I've gone thru the roughtest waters of my life....that's precisely the time when I needed a meeting every single day. When my hubby and I were separated many years ago.....I went to one every day...and sometimes two times a day.....on my lunch hour and then again at night. I ALWAYS hear exactly what I need to hear when I put myself in the presence of other recovering addicts. I don't go to meetings to review the latest fashion trends, or use it for a dating service....I go to learn coping skills....to hear how other winners have STAYED clean...how they have gotten thru their own trials clean and sober. If I have a p*ssy attitude goin into a meeting.....and I just "ask to be shown" what I need to learn....I leave with an answer....sometimes a new friend..... or a conversation with a like minded soul.
We have a need for more support as we travel those rough waters.....more opportunities to surrender and do exactly what our "old" selves don't want to do....I'm so glad you chose to seek answers and comfort by going to a meeting.....thanks for sharing with us~
Lovies to you, Vic...I'll see you in the back of the bus..(I'm the one handcuffed to the backseat).....LOL
It's been my experience that when I've gone thru the roughtest waters of my life....that's precisely the time when I needed a meeting every single day. When my hubby and I were separated many years ago.....I went to one every day...and sometimes two times a day.....on my lunch hour and then again at night. I ALWAYS hear exactly what I need to hear when I put myself in the presence of other recovering addicts. I don't go to meetings to review the latest fashion trends, or use it for a dating service....I go to learn coping skills....to hear how other winners have STAYED clean...how they have gotten thru their own trials clean and sober. If I have a p*ssy attitude goin into a meeting.....and I just "ask to be shown" what I need to learn....I leave with an answer....sometimes a new friend..... or a conversation with a like minded soul.
We have a need for more support as we travel those rough waters.....more opportunities to surrender and do exactly what our "old" selves don't want to do....I'm so glad you chose to seek answers and comfort by going to a meeting.....thanks for sharing with us~
Lovies to you, Vic...I'll see you in the back of the bus..(I'm the one handcuffed to the backseat).....LOL
Seriously. Come to Costa Rica
Maybe I should start a renewal of life after opioids retreat
Maybe I should start a renewal of life after opioids retreat
Alot of the meetings are open and some people bring there kids..We had some tonight that sat very quite during the whole meeting..As far as a Sponsor you can pick some one temporary until you find one that fits you and your needs,,One that you will feel really comfortable with. Since I am a Bullheaded witch, I had to find someone just as bullheaded..Hahaha I really talk alot with my guy friends too. People think they have to just whip through them steps too! That is not so..Do this on your own time when you are ready to move from one step to another..There are no set rules. You will be doing these steps over & over as recovery moves on in time and things change and you go back again & again..I go to a Wed night AA that we go through the Traditions until we have finished and then start back on the twelve steps from step one..We repeat this month after month year after year..There is always a new light on each step as we process. I wish you well and you will really feel a spiritual lift.
PS And the Coffee will give you a great lift..lmao
Bless
PS And the Coffee will give you a great lift..lmao
Bless
Such a good post, so inspiring! I'm a little scared to go to na plus I have no one to watch my kids...but I was going to try anyway, they have meetings on wed and Fri here that I could find, the wed one was supposed to be my first, but it got cancelled due to weather and then I didn't make it Friday because we ended up doing thanksgiving dinner that day. But reading your posts and knowing how many encouraging comments you have given me, and I had no idea you were going through so much! I am so sorry and am here for you and sending prayers and thoughts your way! And I'm so happy you went to a meeting instead of using and that it really helped you, gives me Goosebumps. Then I read everyone else comments and I'm just in tears...cant wait to get into a meeting! I'm getting back into church tomm, and then I'm definitely going to find at least one meeting a week I can get to, hopefully meet some new sober friends, be able to vent without people looking at me like I'm a crazy two headed monster, and I really want to get a sponsor, but don't really know how to go about it all...but definitely inspired and excited the hit up a meeting now!
I'm so glad you are feeling better today VIC :)) You did a great job getting through without using. I know that You will be fine . Thinking of you my friend
Thank You..The main reason for this post is to let people know that we can not do this alone..Church is fine, Support from Family and Friends is fine..BUT for me I was really having a "I do not give a crap" attitude. I was judging some of the meeting too..Like AA vs NA..Well last night I did go to NA and the Love I got from them was so unbelievable. Like I said, I do have a little over a year and thought to myself it is OK, I do not have to go that much. Ha!!! Last night turned my whole life back around and back on Track. Today I work up calm, a bit happier and did not cry once. I Surrendered..I gave this all to GOD..My dog was even doing so well today and my Mom went shopping by her self. I am going tonight to yet another meeting. I am back on track again and will be hitting them both. Please to the ones who fear going..PLEASE give it a try..You will be so happy you did..There will be so many messages you will get..People who talk will be sharing the same story or experiences as you..The same struggles in life and how they deal with it. Many, Many relasp happen becasue people are to afraid to tell the truth, or get face to face Support. Or can not handle the way they feel or do not understand why they are like this..So they give in to the Substance..Being a Addict is no different then if you went to a Cancer support group..I like what Sonrissa said by calling it a Village..It does take a Village of People to start a foundation to build that great big bridge..Please go try one. Keep coming back becasue it Works if you Work it..And Darn you are worth it. I am so blessed today..I feel like I was re-born again!!! Bless the Almighty who ever yours is...lol
Vickie
Vickie
I am so sorry for all the loss you've experienced; my heart goes out to you.
Thank you for such a beautiful post reminding us that we can't do this alone. So glad you went to the meeting and found comfort.
I have to push myself to go sometimes and afterwards I am always so grateful I went. I always hear something I need and can relate to. Aftercare is a big part of our recovery; thanks for bringing it to the forefront. Sending hugs, blessings, and prayers to you.
Thank you for such a beautiful post reminding us that we can't do this alone. So glad you went to the meeting and found comfort.
I have to push myself to go sometimes and afterwards I am always so grateful I went. I always hear something I need and can relate to. Aftercare is a big part of our recovery; thanks for bringing it to the forefront. Sending hugs, blessings, and prayers to you.
Aww Vic, I didn't know that you are going through some really bad times right now. I am deeply, deeply sorry about the loss of your Father and dealing with your Moma's cancer. My heart hurts for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers. We are all here for you. You are NOT alone in this! Xoxo
I am sorry for all your losses. Sometimes it seems like some people get more than their share of trials. Your post is so helpful. My uncle had fifty years of sobriety before he died over a year ago. He was nearly dead from alcohol. He went to a rehab and at that time they gave him all kinds of pills. He came out nearly worse than he went in.
AA saved him. When my husband was drinking, I talked a lot with my uncle about meetings and sobriety and what wasnenabling and what wasn't. I asked him why he kept going to meetings after being sober for twenty-five or thirty years. Hentold me that was the only way he could keep sober ... by going to three meetings a week and being a sponsor for others. He worked the program every day of his life. He stayed married and his wife never got sober. But he wasn't angry or resentful or even tempted having alcohol in the house.
My ex has had stretches of sobriety when he works the program. When he stops, it's not long before he relapses. He hasn't had a drink in two years. Recently he was using cocaine and at times crack. It was awful thingbtonsee. He's been off it now for aboutt a month. He's reading the AA books but hasn't gone to any meetings. Without the meetings, it's just a matter of time before he'll use again.
Thanks for the post. Even in all your own pain and struggles, you're here posting and helping others.
AA saved him. When my husband was drinking, I talked a lot with my uncle about meetings and sobriety and what wasnenabling and what wasn't. I asked him why he kept going to meetings after being sober for twenty-five or thirty years. Hentold me that was the only way he could keep sober ... by going to three meetings a week and being a sponsor for others. He worked the program every day of his life. He stayed married and his wife never got sober. But he wasn't angry or resentful or even tempted having alcohol in the house.
My ex has had stretches of sobriety when he works the program. When he stops, it's not long before he relapses. He hasn't had a drink in two years. Recently he was using cocaine and at times crack. It was awful thingbtonsee. He's been off it now for aboutt a month. He's reading the AA books but hasn't gone to any meetings. Without the meetings, it's just a matter of time before he'll use again.
Thanks for the post. Even in all your own pain and struggles, you're here posting and helping others.
Hi Sonrissa!
I actually looked up meetings in my area and there are quite a few. I mentioned this to him. I'm a little scared about going to my first meeting, especially going alone though i'll admit. i'm not the type that shows up somewhere alone.
He is actually going to hang out with his best friend since childhood who is currently in AA and has had serious issues with alcohol & spent time in jail for numerous DWI's but is sober & doing great now. I don't know if he will bring my issue up since he's not the type to talk about his problems with his friends, but who knows.
I have sessions left at a yoga studio so this afternoon i'm planning to go. hopefully it will bring my mood up and take my mind off of all of this. I have tons of stuff to keep me busy, i'm just having trouble being motivated.
I actually looked up meetings in my area and there are quite a few. I mentioned this to him. I'm a little scared about going to my first meeting, especially going alone though i'll admit. i'm not the type that shows up somewhere alone.
He is actually going to hang out with his best friend since childhood who is currently in AA and has had serious issues with alcohol & spent time in jail for numerous DWI's but is sober & doing great now. I don't know if he will bring my issue up since he's not the type to talk about his problems with his friends, but who knows.
I have sessions left at a yoga studio so this afternoon i'm planning to go. hopefully it will bring my mood up and take my mind off of all of this. I have tons of stuff to keep me busy, i'm just having trouble being motivated.
Hey there! We are your village, for now. I'm really hoping that your boyfriend will come around and give you some support soon. He is needing some time and space right now. Perhaps it's time for you to share your secret with others, like at a meeting? This will do a couple of things at least. It will show your boyfriend that you are serious this time. Also, it will connect you with others who know and understand how you feel. The support will be amazing. What do you think?
this is a beautiful post. i needed to read this. i am on day 2 CT from pills. right now the fear is more overwhelming than anything else. I just need to surrender to this and let it come as it may and not be afraid.
I've had a bad year myself. My boyfriend's father had a massive stroke, i lost my beloved 14 year old cat after he became ill and racked up debt trying to find out what was wrong. Then i had an accident and ended up with a bunch of stitches in my face. My job is overwhelmingly stressful. Maybe not the extent of your problems but not a great year. i clung on to the pills to help me through and it only compounded my problems. now i've run out of pills and i'm forced to CT which i'm considering a blessing.
my boyfriend is still upset & being cold. I just need my village and right now i really don't have one. i think he will come around but right now I'm kind of alone. I'm trying to reach out to my friend that knows about my problem but i haven't been able to reach her. i'm thankful these people because at the end of the day i know they will be there.
be thankful for yours because some people have no one. we are truly the lucky ones.
I've had a bad year myself. My boyfriend's father had a massive stroke, i lost my beloved 14 year old cat after he became ill and racked up debt trying to find out what was wrong. Then i had an accident and ended up with a bunch of stitches in my face. My job is overwhelmingly stressful. Maybe not the extent of your problems but not a great year. i clung on to the pills to help me through and it only compounded my problems. now i've run out of pills and i'm forced to CT which i'm considering a blessing.
my boyfriend is still upset & being cold. I just need my village and right now i really don't have one. i think he will come around but right now I'm kind of alone. I'm trying to reach out to my friend that knows about my problem but i haven't been able to reach her. i'm thankful these people because at the end of the day i know they will be there.
be thankful for yours because some people have no one. we are truly the lucky ones.
you're absolutely right. I have a professional job and no one has any idea that i've had a problem. i'm sure i'm not the only one.
i believe that everyone has their demon. for some it's drinking & drugs, others it's anger or being unfaithful.
i believe that everyone has their demon. for some it's drinking & drugs, others it's anger or being unfaithful.
@livingalie the kinds of people you will run into are just like you! People who became addicted! Lawyers, doctors, nurses, professionals, housewives... We are the "faces of addiction."
Surrender to the process, that has been my mantra from the beginning. We are always changing, either getting better or worse, addiction never rests.
Never stop growing. Thanks for sharing, glad you found some relief.
Never stop growing. Thanks for sharing, glad you found some relief.
Wow this is an amazing and inspirational post, Thank You Vicki. You are 100 percent right that we need to surrender in order to be successful we cannot do this alone. I am praying for you my sister, for strength, wisdom, healing and continued success. I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this at once but So Proud of You for staying clean and sharing your story. God Bless You
I am not sure why it posted only part of my comment; I will try again:
Your post is awesome fellow nurse
Your post is awesome fellow nurse
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