Aa
Thanks for helping us.
I just want to thank the people on this forum who have stuck around after being clean for so long and keep helping all of us who are getting clean and struggling to stay clean.
I know nobody gets paid for this and that you are just doing it out of the kindness of your hearts. You are doing it daily and it must get so frustrating and repetitive for you but I hope the satisfaction that you are saving lives is payback enough for all of you.
You also seem to take a lot of criticism but hopefully you understand you are dealing with addicts and sometimes it takes a long time to get things through our heads. Some of us have to do it the hard way no matter how many times you tell us.
I have over reacted to advice at times and truly hope that nobody takes it personally and just realizes that I am a struggling addict looking for an easy way out sometimes.
I have learned so much from all of you and try to help with what I know.
Please stay with us and know that you are saving lives. Thanks so much.
I know nobody gets paid for this and that you are just doing it out of the kindness of your hearts. You are doing it daily and it must get so frustrating and repetitive for you but I hope the satisfaction that you are saving lives is payback enough for all of you.
You also seem to take a lot of criticism but hopefully you understand you are dealing with addicts and sometimes it takes a long time to get things through our heads. Some of us have to do it the hard way no matter how many times you tell us.
I have over reacted to advice at times and truly hope that nobody takes it personally and just realizes that I am a struggling addict looking for an easy way out sometimes.
I have learned so much from all of you and try to help with what I know.
Please stay with us and know that you are saving lives. Thanks so much.
Thanks al, and Pat I am sorry I hijacked your threead. I know what you all are saying is true and I keep telling myself I have to stop,now but I just keep going. I have to stop the self pity.
COMMUNITY LEADER
When you quit playing the victim and start playing the survivor then you will be able to move forward, You said the cancer will probably come back, i can guarantee what you are doing to yourself now will take you out long before the cancer ever would get a chance. There is a lady i know right now and she is battling stage 4 lung cancer, it has metastasized to the brain and she is doing both chemo and radiation. She isnt giving up, she is fighting with everything she has to stay alive. We all know her outcome, the cancer will take her out. My point? You have been given a 2nd chance and yet you continue to abuse your body and wallow in your self pity. I am in no way trying to be an a$$ here, i just hope you will see how lucky you really are.
Randy....Noooo. Im sorry to hear that you are struggling again. I knew that when I read that you were drinking that you were opening the door again. Please Im worried about the combo of meds you are taking. You are worth the fight! You have done it! Come back sweetie. We will all be here for you. You know what you need to do. I know you do. Xoxo ((hugs))~Bkitty
Randy! ((((hugs)))) I am so happy to see you back, in spit of where you are at! You say you know your path, well, let's get on the path! Don't give up, don't ever give up! You will be supported here no matter what! As anyone who desires to be clean, would be! Start posting again, and we will be here with you and for you! Ready?? Let's go!!
You are absolutely right i Just need that kick in the butt to get after it. Thanks for getting after me.
Randy
Randy
You know exactly what you're doing. When you take the first drink or eat the first pill I KNOW you are fully aware of what you're doing - but you just don't care. I've been on that road; the pain or worry or stress isn't relieved. Theyre just pushed aside for a very brief moment, and stand there waiting for you when you wake up in the morning. Yep - you're feeling sorry for yourself. Add a couple of scoops of self-destruction just for the heck of it.
You are a strong person. You've hit a bump in the road. Get over yourself and move on.
You are a strong person. You've hit a bump in the road. Get over yourself and move on.
Come on ribs, get your act together here! The path for you has not been clear, you were looking for the easy way out, i know, so did i. You were doing great until you decided to go on subs and when i read you were drinking i jumped all over ya, not because i want to be a jerk, but because i care, and i didn't want to see you go on the sub path. Now look, sub, oxy, jim beam, lorazapam, are you trying to kill yourself? Come on man you are a fighter and survivor, you freaking beat cancer!!!!!!! Im sorry if i sound harsh, i just want to slap you upside the head, i know you can do this and i know you want it. Get you $h!t together, go to meetings/counseling and reclaim your life....Dane
You definately have done your best to inspire even though you are going through the same thing as everyone else. I haven't been posting because I can't find it in me to inspire someone else when I can't get my own stuff together. The path for me is clear but it seems so impossible to follow right now. I swear if you could think of a way I could screw up my recovery... I have done it. Started drinking after switching to suboxone from OXY and Tramadol, so yeah bad idea. I thought hey why not stack the OXY's back on to make it fun. Allready have the Lorazapam and Cymbalta going why not compound it. My problem is the self pity. I convinced myself that the CLL,(Leukemia) will come back and it will be over, so why try and get better. Man I have been selfish. Through it all I have supported dad and visit him and have lunch with him a couple times a week. I know getting some excercise and eating better and giving up the substances is the way to go. Simple right? What's my Problem? I am sorry to be a downer to all of you out there doing the right thing and working hard at your recovery everyday and here I am doing whatever I want. I have to figure out why I enjoy the self destruction. I know better but I keep making poor choices. No explaination, no excuse I am just lost! Sorry, Randy -so yes Suboxone 12 mg, alcohol 4 shots of Jim Beam a night, 4 lorazapam to sleep 60 mg Cymbalta, oh yeah ad the ineffective 60 mg of oxy,(why do I take it when the suboxone wont allow me to feel it? who knows). My question is why do I do this when I know better?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yep! When she is like this it takes the spotlight off of what is really going on inside of you. All your fears and insecurities go on the back burner dont they??
Hi pat thanks for your support I guess we do this to save lives but I get a great deal of satisfaction watching someone like yourself get clean it is always worth it when someone like yourself wins the fight im glad I could be of help..........Gnarly
Just want my lover girl to stay how she is now. Happy. I am a codependent, ain't I?
COMMUNITY LEADER
That is something like that Feng Shway(sp) thing. They say that does help to get rid of things that clutter your life. After the last 24 hrs i have had the only thing that would of been left standing in my house would of been me!! When i crave i eat grandmas molasses and crank the music so after half a jug of that stuff and loud music i feel pretty good tonight. Maybe getting her up and involved with things will help with her depression. Just know that you will never go back to what it used to be. There will be bits and pieces but you have crossed that line into wanting something different, whether it be with her or by yourself.
Yes, Sarah. You've stayed some recent nightshifts with this undivine diva. I have some happy news. I've discovered the buttons I can push to help my beloved wife not slip into depression. We were off this weekend, which usually means she stays in bed, depressed the whole weekend, doing nothing and worrying me to death about leaving her alone.
Yesterday (Saturday) I woke her up with a smile on my face and suggested a project. Our home office was a cluttered rat-trap for the last year. I suggested to clear it up and rearrange the furniture. My wife moaned and groaned a little, but she jumped out of bed and came to life.
I know the trick!! There are a lot of projects here. I just have to point and tell her, do it. We both did that difficult chore together. It took most of the day, but we now have a beautiful, new, functional office/library. My wife was in her element when I suggested to do something together. As a reward for not staying in bed all day I even let her boss me around the project a little. She is in her element, directing, having been a Hollywood executive.
The only issue: during our project she had a phone call from one of her "cultivated" friends, the famous singer's helper. She took a long break from the project to talk to him about her "fix." The day nearly fell apart, but it didn't. I now have a new home office and a positive way to motivate her, depite my awareness that she actually flipped into her manic stage. When she is manic it's so much easier to convince her to get help.
I had my beloved back for one, glorious weekend. We didn't argue. We did everything together--ate, watched movies and visited with friends. I was reminded of how we used to be. I hope this isn't a soap bubble.
Yesterday (Saturday) I woke her up with a smile on my face and suggested a project. Our home office was a cluttered rat-trap for the last year. I suggested to clear it up and rearrange the furniture. My wife moaned and groaned a little, but she jumped out of bed and came to life.
I know the trick!! There are a lot of projects here. I just have to point and tell her, do it. We both did that difficult chore together. It took most of the day, but we now have a beautiful, new, functional office/library. My wife was in her element when I suggested to do something together. As a reward for not staying in bed all day I even let her boss me around the project a little. She is in her element, directing, having been a Hollywood executive.
The only issue: during our project she had a phone call from one of her "cultivated" friends, the famous singer's helper. She took a long break from the project to talk to him about her "fix." The day nearly fell apart, but it didn't. I now have a new home office and a positive way to motivate her, depite my awareness that she actually flipped into her manic stage. When she is manic it's so much easier to convince her to get help.
I had my beloved back for one, glorious weekend. We didn't argue. We did everything together--ate, watched movies and visited with friends. I was reminded of how we used to be. I hope this isn't a soap bubble.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes i am Mary Poppins and i hold special powers!! Some of the older ones will also know what i dont have!!! lol This umbrella has flown many miles, crashed into a lot of trees, got stuck on branches with skirt over my head, given visuals of oh not so pretty sights..she has sat up all night and taken shifts with others to get someone thru the night and when her umbrella is in for maintenance others come to her rescue...
Sarah, we are the names with give ourselves. You are Mary Poppins. You put your lipstick on and come down with that cyber umbrella and land wherever someone needs to get their **** together. When you've done your work, you go elsewhere. And, Sonrissa, we are all Jane and Michael Banks. We wrote the cosmic want ads, didn't we?
It is indeed wonderful, it says all that this place and the people here mean to me
"And now we don't go to priests
and we don't go to doctors
and people with letters after their names
we come to people who have been there
we come to each other
and we try
and we don't have to die"
Just read this wonderful poem by Jack McC. for the first time.
and we don't go to doctors
and people with letters after their names
we come to people who have been there
we come to each other
and we try
and we don't have to die"
Just read this wonderful poem by Jack McC. for the first time.
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