Tough choices...

[polly08]

Well I am over the very worst of my second phase of withdrawls. (not sure Im thanking God yet)
Something has come back that I forgot about in my 7 years of pain med usage. I have suffered severe dibilitating stomach cramps, (not female) since I was a child. All these years I have lived in ignorance and suffering. My maternal grams suffered from gastritis, ulcers and eventually died of stomach cancer.

I have no doubt that the pills arent helping my stomach. But of course that is why they put me on a patch (also to protect my liver. In 7 years I have never gone over 30 mgs of my pills. When I felt myself inching up I would take a drug holiday and reduce my tolerance so I wouldnt continually ratchet up on usage.

There were days i would forget to take a pill. If I wasnt hurting I didnt take them. But i was still always on a constant dose of my patch, which may have been controlling my pain more than I realized. Even on the patch Ive stayed at 50mcgs. for 3-4 years now. I seemed to be able to stay at that level okay and then this year I started having breakthrough pain more freqrently. The doctors began to pressure me to go on suboxen and only suboxen.

I am terrified to put anything in my stomach now. The pain has gone on for a week. It is constant and burning.  I will have to find another doctor, and have this checked at least for ulceration, but Ive been down that road too. Before the pain meds.

Once the pain was so bad my husband thought I was having a heart attack and so did I. Turned out to be acid reflux.

I realize that the intestinal cramping I have along with the other symptoms sounds alot like IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). All these years not one doctor has metioned this to me. But the fact is (after lurking on the IBS forums) there is no effective treament. Sufferers suffer. It is unpredictable, no known cause, 20 millions suffer and 70% are women.

When my husband took me to the hospital for a heart attack the nurse said to me after  the endless battery of tests, the pills your on will make this worse.  I looked at her and said "But I dont have to feel it" She looked at me of course like I was nuts.

So in the six months that my last doc has been telling me I might as well take cocaine, insinuating Im an addict of course, I have started my own business, which has been amazingly well recieved and I only have to work (physically) about 3 days a week. The other 4 days I am working but mostly on the computer. I spend more hours working for myself (as anyone who owns their own business will attest to) than I ever would be willing to work for someone else.  I have not lost productivty because of my meds. It has allowed me to have a life that has been predictably pain free.

So as I have asked myself for the past 7 yrs. which is really more important, quantity or quality of life?
Given my circumstances what would you choose. If the meds help you to function albeit diminished in any way, as opposed to a life of unpredictable and never likely to end pain, tough choice for me.

I am off them, so obviously that is my choice at the moment. I am trying to be hopeful, but I doubt that anyone who hasnt suffered with IBS can understand. On top of which is the fibro now. I am trying alternative remedies but at the moment there seems to be nothing to end the symptoms. I am trying to keep an open and hopeful mind, but when your in pain, you all know how hard that can be.

Thanks for letting me get it off my chest guys.

[worried878]

This is a very personal decision...I have had neck surgeries/fusions...they say I have fibromyalgia too...to me that is a vague diagnosis like IBS...I work with people with crohns disease and ulcerative colitis as I am an ostomy specialist...IBS can be a pain in the butt for many(literally)....I looked at my situation and I am 48 years old...was up to 80 mg of hydro a day and climbing...slowly but surely...it took me over 3 years to get to that dose...but since I am planning on being around for at least 20 more years...I decided to quit...also the pills I took had tylenol in them so double reason to quit....They were no longer controlling my pain and I needed to bump up to a stronger drug....I decided NO.. and I find I have less pain now over 2 months later...there are so many factors involved and I was not a good "holiday" person to keep tolerence down...for me it was an everyday affair at the end and I quit...it is such a personal decision and depends on so many factors...good luck in your choice...I do agree with quality of life as well as in my job I see on a daily basis how short life can be  

[allaboutmary]

This really is such a personal decision. I also have many pain isssues, but I could not control my pain meds as you have. It was just never enough for me. I really think time will tell with you.  You know you can't live in horrible pain. I think it is great though that you have detoxed.  It might be that you don't require as much pain meds as you were taking and could take them only when things get unbearable.  Best wishes to you.

[Rose703]

I understand where you're coming from because I have Fibro, IBS, interstitial cystitis, and alot of other chronic pain issues. I decided to give up all of my pain meds 21 days ago and have been clean however I'm in alot of pain. To be an addict and have severe medical issues which includes pain is very difficult. I have an appointment with my doctor this Thursday and I plan on discussing this issue at great length. I hope that she will have some suggestions that will include me being narcotic free and yet still find a way to help manage my pain so that I can have some amount of normal activity in my life. I'll be happy to share with you whatever it is that my doctor suggest. My prayers are with you!!