Aa
Update: Beginning Day 18........
Greetings MedHelp friends and family.....I haven't posted a thread in a while so I thought I'd bring everybody up to speed with where I'm at:
Today is beginning Day 18 and the only real withdrawal symptoms left are sneezing ....not too bad.....sleep deprivation.... getting better, however remains sporadic....pain levels...still high... evening out some...still too early on for feasible assesment just yet......appetite.... is fantastic....hell....I've been eating stuff I don't even like!!! The mood swings are tolerable..(at least to me...not sure everybody in my life would necessarily agree......oh well)
However, it would seem the opiate Demon is always close behind, breathing IT's hot breath down the back of my neck, wanting me to turn and fall victim to it's allure....IT even presented to me a situation through someone never previously associated with my use/abuse..... from out of nowhere... IT really blind-sided me but I somehow prevailed. Seems that clarity, coherence and cogency are indeed returning and it feels good........
Folks I realize I am still very early on in my recovery this time....but I have been successful in binding IT several times in years past.....for long periods of time....but IT never stops trying to win, the second we ease up IT finds a way to tempt us, to force us into submission...to do IT's will....I pray to the Creator every morning and every evening...I first give Thanks for all the Good and Wonderful Gifts I have been blessed with....I then ask for the Strength and Perseverence to continue to battle IT for I know I am not strong enough without assistance....
Since Easter is nearly upon us I thought I'd include one of my favorite verses from the Bible...even though my Spirituality is more closely aligned with the beliefs of my Ancestors as it just "feels" right, after all I am NdN, but I did go to Catholic school.....for awhile.......I learned some very good things there........some other things not so much........
Isaiah 43:2 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze"
Thanks again to all of you for the support, empathy, advice and tolerance. You have all helped tremendously and all of you shall remain in my prayers forever. Thanks for indulging me as we all walk this path in our journey back to our Creator. Keeping the Sacred Hoop Unbroken and Sending it Back Around......
Hangin' tough...continuing to battle..Looking Beyond....peace and prayers...Aho..Hetchetu Welo...MitakuyeOyasin...
M
South of Hell
Been hangin' out down south of Hell
Playing to the music of a broken bell
Hard times..and beating myself up inside my head
I was the walking wounded....or the living dead
Tie a yellow ribbon around my brain
My mind booked...it's been gone so long
Rash.. travelling with mad at insane
Tears fell like tears...rain fell like rain
Shadowman called... "Catch me if you can"
Knowing he can't be caught he's the Shadowman
Trickster turned free into junk and a rubber room
And junkie fix has even stolen from the moon
Leaders know they can't trust one's who follow
Followers know not to trust one's who lead
Love..Hate..Despair and Promises turns narcotic
if everything is normal then reality is psychotic
Claiming to understand dimension and space
Babylon huffs and puffs...
Bullying around in the natural order
Temptation rules in the Valley of Fools
Celestial cannibals feast on essence
The civilized hide out from their lives
The traumatized worry about everything
Hypnotized...worrying into nothing at all
Been hangin' out down south of Hell
Playing to the music of a broken bell
Hard times and beating myself up inside my head
I was the walking wounded or the living dead
Today is beginning Day 18 and the only real withdrawal symptoms left are sneezing ....not too bad.....sleep deprivation.... getting better, however remains sporadic....pain levels...still high... evening out some...still too early on for feasible assesment just yet......appetite.... is fantastic....hell....I've been eating stuff I don't even like!!! The mood swings are tolerable..(at least to me...not sure everybody in my life would necessarily agree......oh well)
However, it would seem the opiate Demon is always close behind, breathing IT's hot breath down the back of my neck, wanting me to turn and fall victim to it's allure....IT even presented to me a situation through someone never previously associated with my use/abuse..... from out of nowhere... IT really blind-sided me but I somehow prevailed. Seems that clarity, coherence and cogency are indeed returning and it feels good........
Folks I realize I am still very early on in my recovery this time....but I have been successful in binding IT several times in years past.....for long periods of time....but IT never stops trying to win, the second we ease up IT finds a way to tempt us, to force us into submission...to do IT's will....I pray to the Creator every morning and every evening...I first give Thanks for all the Good and Wonderful Gifts I have been blessed with....I then ask for the Strength and Perseverence to continue to battle IT for I know I am not strong enough without assistance....
Since Easter is nearly upon us I thought I'd include one of my favorite verses from the Bible...even though my Spirituality is more closely aligned with the beliefs of my Ancestors as it just "feels" right, after all I am NdN, but I did go to Catholic school.....for awhile.......I learned some very good things there........some other things not so much........
Isaiah 43:2 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze"
Thanks again to all of you for the support, empathy, advice and tolerance. You have all helped tremendously and all of you shall remain in my prayers forever. Thanks for indulging me as we all walk this path in our journey back to our Creator. Keeping the Sacred Hoop Unbroken and Sending it Back Around......
Hangin' tough...continuing to battle..Looking Beyond....peace and prayers...Aho..Hetchetu Welo...MitakuyeOyasin...
M
South of Hell
Been hangin' out down south of Hell
Playing to the music of a broken bell
Hard times..and beating myself up inside my head
I was the walking wounded....or the living dead
Tie a yellow ribbon around my brain
My mind booked...it's been gone so long
Rash.. travelling with mad at insane
Tears fell like tears...rain fell like rain
Shadowman called... "Catch me if you can"
Knowing he can't be caught he's the Shadowman
Trickster turned free into junk and a rubber room
And junkie fix has even stolen from the moon
Leaders know they can't trust one's who follow
Followers know not to trust one's who lead
Love..Hate..Despair and Promises turns narcotic
if everything is normal then reality is psychotic
Claiming to understand dimension and space
Babylon huffs and puffs...
Bullying around in the natural order
Temptation rules in the Valley of Fools
Celestial cannibals feast on essence
The civilized hide out from their lives
The traumatized worry about everything
Hypnotized...worrying into nothing at all
Been hangin' out down south of Hell
Playing to the music of a broken bell
Hard times and beating myself up inside my head
I was the walking wounded or the living dead
I had typed you a beautiful mesaage and I dont know what happened but after a few curse words and a restart,,Im back! What I wanted to say was that I am so proud of you! You have come such a long way the past 18days Mark! I dont always post but I always read your posts. Happy Easter you and your family! Take some time to take a deep breathe and feel the fresh air cleanse your soul,,,feel its beauty and remember the feeling you are having,,that is sobriety. Treasure it,,protect it,,love it and perserve it! Its all yours my friend!~Bkitty (((hugs)))
Just wanted to say awesome job brother. Sounds like your mind and spirit are really coming together. I signed on medhelp 24 days ago That's the day I'd quit the pills. I haven't talked with you much but it's great to hear were your at today.
I have an interest in ancient civilizations. I truly believe the knowledge and wisdom of your ancestors. As with many other ancient peoples has been lost causing the world to head in the wrong direction.
Have a good day
I have an interest in ancient civilizations. I truly believe the knowledge and wisdom of your ancestors. As with many other ancient peoples has been lost causing the world to head in the wrong direction.
Have a good day
Mark....you are doing sooo good sweetie!..You KNOW I'm so proud of you!.....love the little poem!........:)
Good to see your update Mark - I love reading your posts they are always so real and heartfelt. Thanks for sharing and stay strong my brother!
Hi Mark,
Glad to see your update. You have come so far and admire your strength, resolve, and spirituality. I hope your pain gets better soon. I know it is hard to have pain issues and go through this. I also hope you have the opportunity to enjoy nature and meditate. I am still going outside early every morning and it helps clear my head.
Peace, and blessings to you, my friend,
Minn :)
Glad to see your update. You have come so far and admire your strength, resolve, and spirituality. I hope your pain gets better soon. I know it is hard to have pain issues and go through this. I also hope you have the opportunity to enjoy nature and meditate. I am still going outside early every morning and it helps clear my head.
Peace, and blessings to you, my friend,
Minn :)
You have come so far Mark. It's been really awesome to watch your journey and see the improvements. I hope your pain levels regulate and you are able to get a true read on where you are at soon.
Awesome post.
Well done my friend. Keep grinding.
Sean
Awesome post.
Well done my friend. Keep grinding.
Sean
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am really proud of you Mark! Go with a spirit that fears nothing~~~sara
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the song made my spirit feel heavy. It reminds me of days long ago.
Yes it is early in your recovery to know what pains are what. we get out of shape while in active addiction Towards the end we turn into potatoes.. we do not move as much as we are capable. Once we get more active as we naturally do for our bodies have a Need to move we start to shake out pains that are permeate and ones that are just lack of conditioning.. Not saying you are out of condition lol but I believe you understand..
Cravings are difficult but not impossible when one hits remove yourself from whatever you are doing. this is when I take my camera out for it gets me out of my head.. my head is my own worst enemy at times..
I want you to know I feel very Proud for you when I see you post your days I feel very Proud that a brother has broken his chains and that I glimpse the power of his self as he fights his war. The hoop remains unbroken, my prayers continue to go up.. warmly letakos