update on b/f in rehab -

[newtothisand lost]

by newtothisand lost


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newtothisand lost
Member since Feb 2007  



, 27 minutes ago
To: big mike
you are totally right!!!  

last night he called me and he sounded amazing (this is day 3 in rehab) - all the paperwork they sent to us stated that around day 3-4 the patient will be missing everyone and might call to say they want to come home blah, blah, blah - they listed like 10 things they might say to get you to get them out.  BUT he didn't say any of them!  he said that the "house resident" was leaving today and that the counselors have asked him to take over that position.....i was concerned on how that might effect his recovery and he told me that he thought it was good for him.......he said that everyone he has been talking to says how important it is to have a sponser and to go to meetings once he gets home.  

i have my first counseling session on Nov 11, 2008 - to try and make sense of things for me.........b/c i am now just really angry.

last night i told him about me going to counseling and he was like oh okay.......well, did i tell you about the guy here in a wheelchair?  he is a huge GA fan and i got it set up for us to watch the GA game on saturday and i am bringing him over to our house to see it.
OKAY now maybe i am being a b!tch but that p!ssed me off - i didn't say anythign to him though b/c i don't want to be mean while he is in rehab.......

but let me tell you why it upset me.......i am from GA - graduated from UGA and am a HUGE dawg fan.............this is the first football game of the season that we won't watch together and he didn't even mention anything about me......................he didn't say anythign like - he is a GA fan and i told him that my g/f is a huge fan.......NOTHING!  now, i am sure that he misses me and i am sure that he loves me and i am TOTALLY SURE that someone will tell me that i am being selfish and i should be supportive of him.........but this is how i am feeling right now:

                     his addiction has always been his center of attention........he spent time and energy figuring out where to get the money to buy drugs, calling people hundreds of times trying to find drugs.....etc., now his center of attention is a guy in a wheel chair that he met all of 2 DAYS AGO and when he comes home all it will be about is him staying sober and honestly.............i am beginning to feel that i might want a man who can make me the center of his attention.........call me selfish, call me self centered, call me vain....................PLEASE CALL ME SOMETHING!!!!

why am i feelign this way about someone that i love????????????

is there anyone out there that can just put it to me straight????  i got my big girl panties on -------- i am ready to hear what you guys have to say..............

[newtothisand lost]

i do have one more question, don't know if you have the answer........

he told me that he takes 6 different kinds of pills - 3 times a day - i asked him what they were and he didn't really know...he said one was a muscle relaxer and one was phenabarbitual (spelling) - he said they give this to alcholics and since he told them that he had been drinking alot they put him on that too........then there were 4 other pills that he said they use to treat OPIADE ADDICTION.........is it possible that one of those is SUBOXONE????     i know that it is not methadone b/c they don't use that where he is at.

which if it is.........well i have read about it and it seems that is just switching from one pill for another and with his personality well....let's just say that he will be addicted to that next............

this might explain why he was so up spirited last night....different drug - uses less amount to get geeked up - different effect on brain......?????  i don't know just curious................

i made myself a note to ask him tonight when he calls me b/c i want to be more informed about what is going on

[Kova]

that is awesome.  YOU rock!

Kova

[newtothisand lost]

thank you for your words of encouragement.......rue10 had some helpful comments on my other post and from all of this i have decided this:

                     i too am in recovery - his addiction has become my addiction and that is all i know about and it is not healthy for me to continue this.........i will be more self absorbed and more selfish and i will do whatever it takes for me to become clean and free from this thing that has taken over not only his life but mine too.  addiction really does effect everyone around the addict.  sometimes when you love someone you really do have to set them free.........i had done that with him back in november 2007 and somehow through all that we have already been through we found our way back to each other.......hopefully once all this is said and done we can find our way back again but if that is not the case then we both will be healthy enough to deal with things with a different approach...........

from today forward i will no longer be a slave to wondering what is going on wiht him, is he really working late or out trying to score drugs, where the money is going, or anything else that has to do with his addiction.  this is really his issue and he has to deal with it in whatever way he can figure out to deal.......in saying this i am saying that i love him enough to let it all go and let him do what ever it takes to heal and i love myself enough to do the same!

thanks everyone - you guys rock!

[Kova]

so you have not had a relationship with him being clean at all?  things will most certainly be different when he is.  i am not saying that negatively, just that you have no way of knowing how your relationship with him will go when he is sober because you have absolutely no frame of reference.

i think it is better that you didn't talk to him about the wheel chair guy incident.  some things are better just to let drop.  seems like he knows you really well if he can tell that you were upset (which is great.  my husband has to be hit over the head before he notices anything).  also seems like he is in a much better place.  you may want to cut him a little extra slack for being self absorbed right now.  i know when i was going through my detox everything was all about ME and MY pain and MY progress and My addiction. it really needed to be that way because it took all the strength and focus i had to accomplish.  also, i couldn't get enough attention and support from others.  any little bit helped(which is why the forum was so good for me.  all of these caring and attentive strangers rooting for me!).  i realized i was self absorbed when i was going through it, but i cut MYSELF some slack and figured, "if this is what it takes to do this, then so be it."

like i said, after he gets cleaned up you may want to look into relationship counselling if you still feel like it may help.  helped with my marriage for sure, although i had to drag my hubby kicking and screaming.

i wish you the best.

love and light,
Kova

[rue10]

Please read my comment to your first post.  

Let  your bf work on his recovery.  Sometimes...many times they need to be selfish.  If he is, perhaps he's serious about recovery.

God Bless.

[newtothisand lost]

i previously posted yesterday..........the history of our relationship together....it is posted under my user name.........please read that if you have not already.

he has been taking pain pills 4+ years so i have only known him while he was taking them.  it wasn't until 4 months prior to my leaving in nov 2007 that i found out just how bad his addiction was and that is why i left.  after i left him we were apart 7 months at which time he quit c/t but then had foot surgery and started taking them again.  

when we are together is the most attentive man in the world to me.  he showers me with affection and compliments constantly.  he calls me when he says he is going to call and he even takes out the trash without me asking him to :)

we do things together and spend family time making memories.  he really has a good heart so i am really hurt by our conversation last night.

i was going to tell him exactly how i felt when he called this morning BUT for some reason my cell phone (i don't have a house phone) did not ring BUT i got a voice mail and it was him - he told me that he loved me, happy halloween, he loved me, couldn't wait to see me and that he loved me......that was all the message was....he is not stupid.........he knows me very well and i am certain that he could tell that i was upset when my demeanor changed while we were talking last night......

i am looking at it as an intervention from God for my phone not to have rang this morning b/c had i answered he might have had a whole lot to talk about in group or individual counseling today.  

other than his addiction issues - he and i seem to fit perfectly together and rarely argue unless it is about where all the money is going - and obviously that has everything to do with him spending it on pills...........other than that i just don't know what else to say.  

[Kova]

have you felt that way about him before his addiction?  i am just wondering if this is a relationship issue and not an addiction issue.  do you think he would be up for seeing a therapist together with you to work on the relationship after he gets clean?  i MADE my husband go to one with me, and it really has helped.  just a thought.

love and light,
Kova

[MrDee]

your not being selfish its a guy thing i think thats in crisis, he found someone to identify with and is taking for granted your all good and that everything goes without saying .
its what this man is guilty of I'm speaking of myself taking the person we love for granted
been there done that cost me everything i wanted a few times.

you do need to take care of you at the same time being supportive but maybe you need to keep your guard up and keep asking yourself all the important questions
I think your emotions are valid and i dint think he is able to be anyplace but in his own skin right now.
I'm sure others will have better in site.
do something nice for U today