Wanna cry my eyes out!!

[dedicatedtostop]

Okay 2 weeks and I feel great. As most of you know I have NO support other than this site. My bf-father of my children, whom we no longer live together I must add. Just blue up on me because I wanted to stay home tonight! Don't feel bad just want to stay in. His comment was you need to get over the lortab blues, you have proved nothing to me and I don't give a fu**. He is now gone but I am so hurt! Why can't he be proud?? I thought 2 weeks was great. I am soooo sad now. This is the same man that just didn't understand why I couldn't quit before, and the same man that cheated on me twice and torn our family apart. But being the huge hearted person I am I forgave! Okay now I am crying. I just don't understand why he can't be proud! And God knows he is the only person that knows about this! I have nobody else! I feel like crying myself to sleep now. And I have sooo much been loving my new life.

[fuzzypeach27]

Hi hunny,

No one understands unless they are an addict themselves. I too have no support apart from this site. It takes a while. I am three weeks and one day clean. Its the mind bender, become sober and it takes a while to adjust. Some folk like you using, when your high your the life and soul of the party. And in a way it keeps them in control (meaning family). I have no idea why? It just seems that way. You have been through a lot the last few weeks and your knackered. Your body will be working over time to adjust. I found the mental withdrawal quite difficult and shied away from confrontation, as every time I was upset I would use. I could not cope with the feelings I would feel when I was upset without my crutch but like the crazy world of recovery you learn and you learn fast.  I actually keep getting ma days wrong, when I am posting I said two weeks to previous post oh well. People and the world are really different when your straight. I am not going to wish you luck cos you don't need it, cos you are doing it so keep on doing it. Remember be bold, be brave and say no. Us mums got to stick together.

[avisg]

yup the only ones you are acountable too is your self and your kids ..there is always going to be others that are going to try to bring you down ....Dont let them ...what recovery care are you getting it so important to recovery ?

[dedicatedtostop]

Thank you all for the support through this minor speed bump. I am proud of myself for where I am today and I WILL keep going strong. I know in my heart this is a huge accomplishment and yes it is about me and my girls and nothing will get in my way! I don't need one person to be proud of me because I am proud of myself, and I know I have an amazing mh support group. Thank you all

[LateAugust]

The most important person you have is yourself.....  when you believe in you and have the confidence to do what is the best for your children and yourself, the need to rely on someone else or to stay in an abusive relationship, will diminish.   Never forget about the babies and the mother they need, and please always know, yes, you do deserve a healthy life.   I hope you have looked into some NA meetings,   or out patient treatment, or talking with a coucelor, all on going after detox treatment is pretty much a requirement for most people in maintaining sobriety.  Stay strong and I pray all goes well for you and your children,  and most importantly, never doubt yourself..  or your determination for a better life.

[Danny111]

Any time dedicatedtostop.  I've really gotten a lot of help from coming here and posting and reading posts.  Learning that other people went through and or are going through the exact same things you are really helps.  The support and acceptance are wonderful.  

Lucky you that the sleep thing hasn't been a problem.  For many people, if not most, the not being able to sleep is the worst thing.  I know it was for me.  I'd just lie there feeling miserable...and of course that was the time where I'd be by far the most depressed.  I'd just lie there and think horrible thoughts.

It's hard sometimes to stand up for yourself and just say hey I don't feel like doing whatever it is the other person wants you to do( like staying in for the day).  I guess part of being healthy mentally is feeling strong enough to say and do what you want to do without being scared of disappointing people.  

Congratulations again on being two weeks clean.  Make sure you keep coming on here and posting and reading posts.  

[dedicatedtostop]

I have been very fourtane that sleep was never a problem for me. I am prescribed trazadone and its wonderful. And I truely am loving life feel like my old self and even have tuns of energy. Its cold outside and I just simply wanted to stay in. So true about being able to deal w this issue sober now! Thus too I shall conquer, its been an issue for way too long. Thank you soooo much for your support

[Danny111]

Glad you're enjoying life and sorry for the hurt you're dealing with.  Things will get better.  They always do.  You're definitely right about the pills.  Heck you can put up with tons of stuff when on the pills.  The problem is you don't deal with things, you just ignore them.  They problems are always still there and often worse from having been ignored.  When you get sober the problems are still there but then you're be able to deal with them.

It's awesome that you've made it 14 days.  You're through the physical parts of the wd's.  I guess you're probably starting to sleep better but maybe not totally back to normal?  Anyhow good for you and things will be better.

[pharma9]

Ohhh..hun..i understand your pain.It hurts to be treated badly and rejected.Hold your
head high for we understand howgreat is your accomplishment and 2 weeks is huuuge..

We love you and keep going for yourself and your children.Your sweetie does not understand how drained you are probably feels you have been "sick"long enough.He may come round but meanwhile you can be proud of your new clean life and forge ahead.Kep posting and keep yourself busy doing something(Posting here) and take a hot bath in epsom salts and enjoy a night to yourself.Sending love your way...

[dedicatedtostop]

Yes this is true I know, if it were not for the pills I would have never allowed him back in my life. I have known for a very long time this is not a relationship that I wanted, the fact of the matter is that it is so clear now. But it still hurts. I guess taking the pills always pushed it away, but now it don't. And I have been enjoying my life sooo much now.

[Danny111]

Two weeks is fricking awesome.  Good for you!  It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't understand how hard it is because he's a jerk.  We all understand how hard it is because we either have been or are in the same situation as you.  It's super hard and you often just feel like lying around for a while after or while going through the wd's.  You'll get up and out when you feel like it.  I hate to say this because it sounds judgemental but I have to echo what dominosarah said above and ask if this guy is the type of guy you want to have in your life.  People who cheat once are kinda like spousal abusers, they seem to always do it again.  Of course I'm really good at looking at other folks lives and deciding how they should live them.  

One thing I've noticed about sobriety is that it doesn't fix your problems but it does let you see them and begin to take steps to deal with them.  Being high we just kind of cruise through life ignoring problems or blowing them off.  

The important things is that you should be proud of yourself for getting through two weeks and looking forward to having your life back.  

Keep coming here and posting.  There are lots of cool people and here who understand and will try to be helpful and supportive.

[dominosarah]

Oh girl i know this hurts.  You have us here and we are proud of you.  Very proud as a matter of fact.  Emotions run high during this time.  Let yourself feel these emotions.  Dont bottle them up.  If you want to stay home tonight then that is what you do.  Is this really the person you want to be involved with?  Let him be mad at whatever he is mad at.  Look around at all the things you have to be grateful for in your new life.  Write them down.  You will be surprised at how big that list is.  Be proud of yourself.  You have done something really really good here..........sara