Withdraw while pregnant? What to do?

[misky123]

I have been addicted to heroin on and off for the past 5 years. I guess mainly on, but I have had a few short stretches of being clean. I recently found out that I'm pregnant. I haven't been to the dr yet to confirm it, but apparently there isn't really such a thing as a false positive on a test. I don't know what to do. I know kicking it myself isn't really safe, but I don't want to go to the doctor and tell them I've been using heroin this whole time. I'm wondering if there's a way to wean myself off relatively quickly before going to the doctor. And then again I wonder if I should just have an abortion and be done with it. Although I've only known about this for less than a week, a large part of me really wants to keep the baby. But what sort of parent would I be? A terrible one, I'm sure. I had an abortion when I was 20 and I don't want to do it again. I don't know if I can make a decision at all. Maybe fate will just step in. I don't know. I just can't tell anyone. I don't want any of my friends or family to find out because then I know they'll pressure me into something one way or the other and I don't need them to think I've screwed up even more than they already know.

[Sonrissa]

Hi Misky, I was so very happy and relieved to see that you have been honest with your doctor, and are beginning a program to help you and the baby. Please get yourself into some sort of support group or back into NA, as soon as possible. You need support as you continue on this journey to motherhood and sobriety. Please keep us posted as to how you and the baby are doing. I know you can do this! You are in my prayers. I wish you all the best! Be very proud of yourself for taking the first steps. Take care.

[misky123]

Yes, I have been to rehab in the past and done NA. And I am not claiming it doesn't help or that it didn't help me. I just relapsed one day and instead of doing what I should have done, I just stopped going to meetings and let myself continue using.

We've been together for a little over 3 years. I was clean for about the first 6 months or so, and then it has been back and forth since then.

[newoutlook12]

Sorry to hear that hope he comes around soon, have you ever tried n/a? And how long have you been with your boyfriend if you don't mind me asking?

[misky123]

I don't blame him for what he is thinking and worried about. It is all because of my past history and track record that he thinks that. I've given him no reason to think I will actually follow through with what I say this time, even though I am pregnant. I spent weeks continuing to use, knowing I was pregnant. I'm not sure if he can forgive me. He always says he forgives me after every time I do something terrible related to my addiction, but then he always brings it up and it's obvious he holds it all against me.

[newoutlook12]

Sorry to hear how your bf is acting he'll come around u should have to stay clean and show him you are way stronger than he thinks u are. Honey honestly none us of think we are strong enough to do this when we first start getting clean but u are the will of a pregnant women can do many things I mean look at how far u have already come. It just takes a lot to get back the trust of the people who we have hurt during our addiction ya know he'll slowly but surely see he changes you are making to ensure the health and well being of his child, he'll have to see that!  And remember he doesn't understand addiction like we do ourselves not to make excuses for him lol but ill sure he'll come around  by seeing the amazing changes in u. U should go to an n/a meeting to show him how serious you are about this, u should also go for u trust me its nice to be around people who understand what you are going through ya. You are so worth this and so is your precious  little baby  as I see u already know well at least about the baby I felt the same at first but soon u will realize how you are worth it also! I hope you get there soon it makes it so much easier when you can see you are worth getting clean staying clean and having a great life!

[misky123]

I may switch doctors regarding the Suboxone. There is another clinic near me that specializes in treating pregnant women, but I hear they do have a waiting list. I may call them to try to get in there asap, and maybe they will be more knowledgeable about Subutex.

My boyfriend is not really sure how he feels. He seemed happy the other day, but he keeps changing his mind. He says he's sure he'll end up alone with a baby - either I will go right back to using heroin and/or I'll die and leave him alone. He also told me that if I ever use heroin again he will make sure I never ever see our child.