Aa
big dumb binge
It's rasta again. So i was clean for about a week then bam i wasnt i dont even remeber how it happened. I decided to get drunk last wednesday i think.. i went to the club.
i hate the club with a passion but I was extra drunk so i went.. only after downing about a half of a bottle of tequila ... bad idea by the way i cannot drink like i used to. Anyways I was sick of all the guys trying to get with me so i sat down at the bar and these cool guys came up to talk to me. They asked me if i wanted to come to a party at their friends house so i flagged my friends down they wanted to leave too. Why not what could it hurt right? We get there the boys call me over thats when i saw it. i big giant bag of the white. Damn them i thought. Of course i couldnt say no i mean i was already drunk and high and whats a little coke gunna hurt. I've never snorted more stuff up my nose in my life serisously. The whole nights a blurr. no idea what even happened but i walked home i had no idea where my car was neither did anyone else... we did find it by the way but it was a bad idea. Well the next night was my friends birthday... so i was already feelin down about the night before so whats one more night. So we all popped two rolls and went on our merry little ways through like half yhe towns yards carrying hug potato sacks on our backs chewing wads of bubble gum wearing sombreos and each carrying a black light... crazy fools. Anyways we get to this party and people were angry because someone was coming that didnt like someone else so i went on this rampage about everyone enlightening someones life blah blah anyway was had to leave.. then i realize i have to go to workin an hour!! what was i thinking i might ask i have no idea but it was terrible awful.
then friday night rolls around... hmm friday night oh boy.. well i figured hey it's friday i dont work tom so bam i popped the rolls one more night and 80 dollars later. saturday same story..sunday too but only because i felt like complete butthole and couldnt even get up. Then monday the first day of spring break my friend is having a rave i wassss defintly not going because i had to work until 8 monday night and again at 6 the next morning but for some spontaneous reason i just had to go. I got this little guy called a green haulk i only popped one. I took mine at about 7:30 everyone else took theirs around nine i was feeling amazing until about 9:30 when i felt like i was going to be sick. I laid on the bathroom floor nothing happened buti got really extremely sweaty. so i went outside and sat. then I had to sit in my car because there was far too much noise and lights out side i sat in there for hours and dry heaved the entire time.. stupid me didnt eat anything all day . so i drank water i couldnt hold that down for more than three seconds. A friend sat with me i was shaky and crying.. yes crying on x freaking out that everyone was going to die because they took what i took! and one of my really good friends took three of them!! i tried calling and calling i could not go inside no one believed me i was crazy i guess. then i suddenly felt amazing and went back in partied and bam i was overheated and went back outside and thats when a cop shined a shiner light on me so i hid in my car for three hours under a blanket. then i drove home and i almost went to the hospital thats how terrible i felt. I took a shower went to bed even though i knew i wouldnt sleep i threw up stomach acid all night and sweated my brains out i was still awake clenching my eyes because it looked crazy and my alarm went off. i went to work.. terrible day i was soo weak and dizzy and sick. uhhhg i say NEVER EVER AGAIN.
I think that this really truely had been the biggest awakening i've had. I thought alot while i was laying in bed so miserable. I thought and i still think that these drugs are my prison. They really are they used to be a fun thing but now they are hurting me. I really really need to just break free from it all i felt soooo trapped. my muscles were sooo cramped my stomach felt like it was being burned with a torch the room was spinning i couldnt escape the light i felt my brain melting i did for real.... and all i wanted was for it to go away. and i never ever want to feel like that again... ever ever ever. in a million years. Never again.. i'm really really sick now and i know it's because i put my bod body through sleepless hell i have pnemonia and a double ear infection and a sinus infection i'm so incredibly miserable and i have to take some pills for now just to get through this hell that i made for myself... but i am REALLY REALLY truely doing it i think it takes something like that to quit.. i think i needed it. who knows what i's be doing today not having to work or anything all week. oh mannnn...... i feel soooo nasty uhhhhh i cant even explainnnn i wish i would have never done that ever. my muscles still hurt and i cant eat barley anything still i've lost alot of weight... everyone is gunna know uhhhh what have i done.. oh and my boss knows i tried to steal a bottle of adderal a customer left and they know something is up i feel awful about it all i just need to work on getting better
i hate the club with a passion but I was extra drunk so i went.. only after downing about a half of a bottle of tequila ... bad idea by the way i cannot drink like i used to. Anyways I was sick of all the guys trying to get with me so i sat down at the bar and these cool guys came up to talk to me. They asked me if i wanted to come to a party at their friends house so i flagged my friends down they wanted to leave too. Why not what could it hurt right? We get there the boys call me over thats when i saw it. i big giant bag of the white. Damn them i thought. Of course i couldnt say no i mean i was already drunk and high and whats a little coke gunna hurt. I've never snorted more stuff up my nose in my life serisously. The whole nights a blurr. no idea what even happened but i walked home i had no idea where my car was neither did anyone else... we did find it by the way but it was a bad idea. Well the next night was my friends birthday... so i was already feelin down about the night before so whats one more night. So we all popped two rolls and went on our merry little ways through like half yhe towns yards carrying hug potato sacks on our backs chewing wads of bubble gum wearing sombreos and each carrying a black light... crazy fools. Anyways we get to this party and people were angry because someone was coming that didnt like someone else so i went on this rampage about everyone enlightening someones life blah blah anyway was had to leave.. then i realize i have to go to workin an hour!! what was i thinking i might ask i have no idea but it was terrible awful.
then friday night rolls around... hmm friday night oh boy.. well i figured hey it's friday i dont work tom so bam i popped the rolls one more night and 80 dollars later. saturday same story..sunday too but only because i felt like complete butthole and couldnt even get up. Then monday the first day of spring break my friend is having a rave i wassss defintly not going because i had to work until 8 monday night and again at 6 the next morning but for some spontaneous reason i just had to go. I got this little guy called a green haulk i only popped one. I took mine at about 7:30 everyone else took theirs around nine i was feeling amazing until about 9:30 when i felt like i was going to be sick. I laid on the bathroom floor nothing happened buti got really extremely sweaty. so i went outside and sat. then I had to sit in my car because there was far too much noise and lights out side i sat in there for hours and dry heaved the entire time.. stupid me didnt eat anything all day . so i drank water i couldnt hold that down for more than three seconds. A friend sat with me i was shaky and crying.. yes crying on x freaking out that everyone was going to die because they took what i took! and one of my really good friends took three of them!! i tried calling and calling i could not go inside no one believed me i was crazy i guess. then i suddenly felt amazing and went back in partied and bam i was overheated and went back outside and thats when a cop shined a shiner light on me so i hid in my car for three hours under a blanket. then i drove home and i almost went to the hospital thats how terrible i felt. I took a shower went to bed even though i knew i wouldnt sleep i threw up stomach acid all night and sweated my brains out i was still awake clenching my eyes because it looked crazy and my alarm went off. i went to work.. terrible day i was soo weak and dizzy and sick. uhhhg i say NEVER EVER AGAIN.
I think that this really truely had been the biggest awakening i've had. I thought alot while i was laying in bed so miserable. I thought and i still think that these drugs are my prison. They really are they used to be a fun thing but now they are hurting me. I really really need to just break free from it all i felt soooo trapped. my muscles were sooo cramped my stomach felt like it was being burned with a torch the room was spinning i couldnt escape the light i felt my brain melting i did for real.... and all i wanted was for it to go away. and i never ever want to feel like that again... ever ever ever. in a million years. Never again.. i'm really really sick now and i know it's because i put my bod body through sleepless hell i have pnemonia and a double ear infection and a sinus infection i'm so incredibly miserable and i have to take some pills for now just to get through this hell that i made for myself... but i am REALLY REALLY truely doing it i think it takes something like that to quit.. i think i needed it. who knows what i's be doing today not having to work or anything all week. oh mannnn...... i feel soooo nasty uhhhhh i cant even explainnnn i wish i would have never done that ever. my muscles still hurt and i cant eat barley anything still i've lost alot of weight... everyone is gunna know uhhhh what have i done.. oh and my boss knows i tried to steal a bottle of adderal a customer left and they know something is up i feel awful about it all i just need to work on getting better
I think you should copy and paste your post into a word program, then print it out for yourself and read it over and over and over again. Hang it on your bathroom and bedroom mirror. Hang it on the fridge so you see it everytime you open the door. You say you do not want to repeat this again, but unless you keep your last experience alive in your memory, you will be back at it as soon as possible. You are young and think nothing bad is ever going to happen to you.
It sounds as if you have not reached your bottom yet. Did you mention your age, if you did, I may have missed it.
Also, you do not need to find yourself in a house where you are messed up and then raped. You could get an STD, or Pregnant or HIV-AIDS.
I am the mother of 5 children and 3 step children, I can not imagine having to bury any of them. Think about what you will be putting your Mother through if you die of something that you could have prevented. When she looked into your face the first time, she did not ever think she would have to bury you and then spend the rest of her life grieving for you, wondering what she could have done different.
WAKE UP while you still can.
Good Luck, and Know that YOU are loved here.
Morganave
It sounds as if you have not reached your bottom yet. Did you mention your age, if you did, I may have missed it.
Also, you do not need to find yourself in a house where you are messed up and then raped. You could get an STD, or Pregnant or HIV-AIDS.
I am the mother of 5 children and 3 step children, I can not imagine having to bury any of them. Think about what you will be putting your Mother through if you die of something that you could have prevented. When she looked into your face the first time, she did not ever think she would have to bury you and then spend the rest of her life grieving for you, wondering what she could have done different.
WAKE UP while you still can.
Good Luck, and Know that YOU are loved here.
Morganave
COMMUNITY LEADER
I hope this was a real wake up call for you.......You said you threw everything away except for two things.....You gotta get serious about this and get rid of it all......sara
Wow sounds as if you may have hit Your bottom... I hope so for your sake.. I had a lot of warning's also.. now with 1 kidney at stage 3 kidney disease and stage 2 liver disease.. the bottom get's further down for some.. I wish you well before you join me in my private hell I created.. lesa
You said if you messed up again you were going to get help? Are you gonna seek help? Alcohol has caused me to relapse and make poor choices so I decided to give it up, actualy it pisses me off cause I like to have a few drinks, but if my guard goes down, then coke goes up my nose. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Although I feel bad, you need help, I knew that with your first post ever. Your on the wrong path right now, you need to talk to your parents and tell them you need help. Nobody here can tell you what to do, but at this rate your family will be burying you and that is selfish, I was selfish, they almost buried me so please fix this now while your young. If you don't, things will just get worse even if that's hard to believe. Please stay strong and listen to the comments people have left.
you nailed it in your post. drugs are a prison to us. the kicker is we are the jailer. gotta get some time clean to clear your head now. i hate the slogans, but you need to avoid people, places and things that made you use before. keep posting. sway
i was just thinking of you the other day- because we hadnt heard from you. You know what i thought? I figured you were probably dead already. Honestly. and now after reading this post, im really surprised you arent dead after this past week. I really fear for your life more than anyone else on here at this point. Do you care if you die? you MUST have a death wish. From what ive read on here, you've done more variety of drugs and at massive amounts than Ive ever heard. DOes that scare you? it should. And i hope you wake up before its too late. Im not trying to be mean to you, im trying hard to support you. But you have to help yourself and get the ball rolling. Please get yourself help before its too late, youre running out of time with your life my dear.
keep us posted no matter what
keep us posted no matter what
hey sorry to hear bout ur bad experiences i was hoping tha u were doing good cuz i hadnt heard from ya but i hope now u have finally realized that u def dont need this sht anymore ya know, so u know im here for ya if u wana pm with anythng at all u no me and u are pretty similar so i have been where ur at and hell im stll where ur at, so lets talk when ur feeling up for it. k take care of urself sleep and food and just try not to put urself down anymore its over and done with dont dwell on the mistakes or itl drive u crazy but def learn from em. k be good
I wasnt going to weigh in on this one - but....... I feel that a clue lies in your first few sentences......"I decided to get drunk ...." and before long its " Large bag of white - - I was already drunk and high so what could it hurt?" - - - Hopefully you know now what it could hurt.... You are playing with some high power stuff here - and you are playing for more than you can afford to lose. Thats not a good combination. Get some sleep and some food - then think about it all - Just get the sleep and food first. Post again after you have had nights rest. There are people on here that can understand you and that will try and help you out. Just stay in touch .....
sorry i did not realize how long that was.. i dont even know where to start or how. i threw everything away i kept two things but once thats gone i'm done forever this is so stupid why would i even think thats okay to do!
Wow girl, you need to be under a specialists' help. I really hope you can get the mental and physical thing together and decide to get off all that **** you have been doing. It will kill you someday. It helps not to go out and hang out with others who use. That just will not help you quit this stuff! It's tough to kick this stuff and hanging out with users won't cut it.
I don't know what else to say other than go get some help if you are truly serious about being and Staying clean. I hope the best for you :)
Ella789
I don't know what else to say other than go get some help if you are truly serious about being and Staying clean. I hope the best for you :)
Ella789
girl..it sounds like u feel really bad..physically and mentally bout what u have been up to..doesnt sound like alot of fun either..in fact sounds like the pits from a reader reading it...so all in all..u feel awful,..ur job could be in trouble...ur body is pleading with u to give it a bit of peace and quiet..and ur brain is screaming at u....but these r all feelings...what r u going to do about it? there is alot of support here...all times of the night and day....keep posting ..and start thinking of a plan
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