Day 5 and a stupid thing I did yesterday

[done4good]

Yesterday was really hard, anxiety-wise, but I did make it to my counselor and fessed all.
I am looking at outpatient treatment because I can't afford inpatient and wanted to detox off the opiates first...lots of OP clinics don't take you if you are using them I guess..they want you to go to inpatient first.
So, towards the end of the day I was going crazy at work and called my pharm for a refill of vicodin. I'm not even sure my dr will ok it, but how stupid was that??!! After making it this far and then having to start over?
I have no idea what I'll do if they ok it.
I'm feeling better physically except plugged ears and still pretty bad anxiety. I suffer from anxiety anyway, thus the total relief those stupid opiates gave me..ugh.
I am hoping my dr won't ok the script and then I will just have to continue on trying to get better.
I'm going to an NA meeting tonight.
d

[done4good]

I was sporadically taking percs and hydros (the smallest levels of both) over the last mont and 1/2. I guess it was pretty much daily the last month because I sure did get addicted. Today I'm sooooooo tired. Wish I could sleep all day.
I'm embarrassed to tell the dr....he's fairly new for me. I know it's probably common but I just feel so stupid that I got myself into this place, again. (was addicted to ultram for several months and got off those last fall by weaning slowly but it still sucked).

[worried878]

How many days clean are you?  what were you taking?  cravings can hit me hard like that as well ...may be good to tell the doctor not to give them to you anymore...just say you are worried about addiction That NA meeting sounds like a good idea.....so u r leaving your clean time hanging on whether the rx is okayed or not?  If they fill it, u will be very tempted to pick it up...i would be....dont set yourself up for failure like that again if you can help it...it's tough...keep posting and do the best you can..NA is a good thing for aftercare