depression

[rettiuq]

Hello everyone, I am new to this board so I'll give you a brief history. I'm a 48 year old wife and mother. I am married to an autistic man and have one autistic daughter. They are very high functioning autistics with the diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome. I love them both dearly and do not in any way blame them for my troubles, however, I blame their diagnosis and my weakness for everything.
I have been addicted to Vicodin for about 10 years. how much and how often is not relevant i don't think at the time of this post. The GREAT NEWS is I am 10 days clean and sober today. I cold turkey detoxed. I honestly thought I would die, but I didn't. I am doing fine physically now. No more side effects from the physical part of detox, except the insomnia which honestly I have had all my adult life. Even before addiction.
What I am asking about from those of you that have done this already is......How did you deal with the depression? I am fine one minute and crying the next. I will be okay and then all of a sudden without warning I will feel this dark and heavy feeling come over me and I cant help but cry at that point. Is this an effect of the drug being gone or is it the reason I started altering my emotions to begin with. It has been so long since I had sober emotions that I have forgotten them. Would love to hear any opinions you may have. Thanks Quitter(spelled backwards)

[kc156]

Hi. Like Gnarly says it is normal at first.I was talking on the phone last night and had tears going over a small thing.And I am only at the end of a long taper.  Good luck
karl

[gnarly_1]

HI and congads on 10 days I agree with the above posters your emotions are all over the place when you first detox...Im a guy and I cried like a baby at the slightest things
it takes a wile for your brain to stablise just hang in there you will get past it...
aftercare can really be helpful in getting thew this stuff N/A and A/A are free
and you will meet people that have been thew it and others like your self that are just starting out...try a meeting...if thats not a good fit a substance abuse conslor or a
addiction specialist can also work but this in nothing you want to try and do alone
its ok to reach out for help....good luck and God bless.......Gnarly    

[teko]

Yep, sounds like part of your getting healthy again. If this continues you might need to see a doctor for a little help with the depression, but it should pass with time on its own. Insomnia as well. Yup, your normal! You need to re learn how to live without the meds. Remember it is not a sin to consult a doc if this does not subside in a few weeks.

[rettiuq]

Oh thank God! I am normally so up beat. Even before the drugs so this is so not my personality. I am glad to know that I will eventually be me again. Thanks guv!

[guv338]

Definitely an effect of the drug being out of your system.  Unfortunately, temporary depression is a part of recovery,  Please note temporary.  Just keep on pushing thru the fog and eventually it will lift.  I remember the feeling and emotions that came after the initial phase and they were very strong.  I remember watching the kids play and when my son would fall, I could literally feel the pain.  It was as if I was the one falling.  This too will pass with time.  
Congrats on your 10 days, that is along time.  Keep on pushing forward, you will be amazed at the blessings that will come your way, once you are able to see them.
Best of Luck,  guv