day 11!!! my story. didn't think it was possible!!!

[cheesystick]

well I just wanted to give you guys an update on how i've been.
first off, i was taking between 90-150mgs of oxy, vics, whatever i could get my hands on.
i did taper myself off for a while but found that it didn't work for me very well since if i knew that i had the pills, i would for sure do them. that also applied to certain people i was hanging out with- if i was hanging out with someone i knew could get me pills, or had pills, i would get them and do them all. i basically have had to cut those people out of my life. and while i miss them, and i miss the pills, i am starting to get used to my new life and i am so happy!!!!
i went cold turkey on oct. 5. for like.... the 378127382 time. in the month of september i yo-yo'd myself back and forth between sobriety and getting as ****** up as i could, and then feeling so guilty about it to the point that i was very, very depressed. i even wanted to drive my car into a tree one day.
also a friend of mine passed away by overdose, and that was really hard for me and i made up another excuse to use to cope with my grief. eventually i realized that it was either now or never, and it was forever or not at all. i woke up that morning and felt like hell. and i continued to feel bad until about day 4. day 5 really was a turning point for me. i finally started to feel normal again.
i tried to go to a NA meeting but i didnt really get a good feeling from it. i know that aftercare is really important, but that  particular NA meeting didn't fit me. i felt really uncomfortable there. for now i am not going to any meetings.
i could never have done this without your support. especially fassfeat, gnarly, sarah, punkinhead, laurel, tramahater, vicki, just to name a FEW!!!!
i have finally decided that being clean is the most important thing to me and i am going to keep my guard up. i know that cravings and tests will come and i am prepared for that.
i can't say thank you enough to everyone that has encouraged me throughout this whole thing. some days, reading your kind words were the only thing that kept me going.
here i am on day 11, i know that the physical is behind me and i have a long road of mental battles ahead of me but i know with you all by my side i can get through it.
THANKS AGAIN!!!!!! love, cheesy

[laurel453]

Hey, this is great, cheesy :)

you see that you can do it ? :)  as long as we never give up fighting this addiction of us, there is no lost case...work hard on your recovery now because this is your priority number one, everything else ..work, friends, fun..... come after your sobriety... with your sobriety you can conquer everything.. keep walking :)

[dominosarah]

I am so happy for you!!!  11 days is awesome!!  Keep looking for some recovery care.  This was so great to read tonight~~~~~~sara

[wesinbama]

Way to go!! Congrats on day 11!!

[FassFeat]

Congrats on 11 days Cheesy. I hate to sound like a broken record, but I agree wholeheartly w/gnarly and tramahater on the aftercare. Especially now that you are mostly past the physical part. I am so happy for you and know you can do this. Keep it up, one day at a time and find a group that you can get comfortable with in aftercare, but just find one. Good luck and God Bless. Andrew

[cheesystick]

thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. everyone's advice has been amazing. i will contine to search for an aftercare that works for me better.
and to anyone out there, thinking that its not possible to get better- keep trying. stick with it. and start posting! the people here really know what they are talking about and the support is wonderful... and im always here if someone needs to talk.

[LeaAnn807]

: ). Yaaaaaaaay!  I'm happy for you. Keep trying some different aftercare. Remember to put effort into this just like you put effort into using!!  That's quite a bit huh??

Congrats!!!!  You can do this.....

[gnarly_1]

HEY Cheesy congrats on 11 days im so happy for you its hard to do but very doable ...dont give up on the meetings try a different one.....put the same effort into your aftercare that you did into your active addiction and you will come out of this clean and sober for the long haul you might want to try a substance abuse conslor thats what I use for my methadone addiction but I also used N/A and A/A to quit the alcohol and weed 5yr6mo ago it works if you work it...I look forward to meeting with my conslor weekly it does really help....
I wish you all the best in your recovery good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[janet19]

Congrats on those 11 days. You can do this and you are sounding really positive. Just keep thinking positive, concentrating on your recovery. I am sorry you had a bad experience with NA. I believe in NA and have found a good fellowship, but it did take a while before I felt I fit in. When I was beginning I went to several different meetings, and checked days and nights out. I am lucky because I do not work and can attend noon meetings and I will travel to other small cities around my area to attend them. If you keep trying I am sure you will find one that feel you can fit in with.

The hardest part of getting clean is getting and staying away from the friends you used with or the ones who could hook you up. It just doesn't seem fair sometimes that we have to give up some of those friends who we really do care about. I have had a few who will come to visit me occasionally and they respect the fact that I am not using and they never bring it up. I guess those are the true friends.

I need to hit the sack just thought I would jump on here and say hi to someone. It is my goal to say something to a few other addicts each day. Who knows maybe something I say will help someone who is in need at that time.

You take care and keep up the good work........God Bless.........Janet