im so scared..hubby bought pills...what do i do??

[dyingtolive3]

I'll get right to the point..Ive been tapering all week coming off a lortab addiction. MY hubby agreed to quit with me  a we are both addicted. He wasnt happy about it, but begrudgingly he was doing it. i was tapering he went cold turkey. all week we've struggled. and then I come home from work to find out that he has bought 20 methadones and is getting them tomorrow !!!!!! Oh my god..Im so angry i dont know what to do. I begged him not to.i BEGGED him not to..but he just ignored me. i told him this was our bill money..our bills are due  and now we wont have enough to pay them...but worst of all..I dont know if I will bs trong enough to see him using. to have pills right here..right here and turn them away...***@**** been feeling so bad today was the worst day so far and was looking forward to the weekend where i could just sleep and stay on this board and talk to you all and try to heal my body and mind...now what..I gotta have a plan< im desperate to have a plan so id dont take them..so I can look him in the eye and tell him that he can kill himself if he wants to but that Im not...God pleaseeeee give me strnegth..more strength than ive ever had before for anything. God please help me...my friends here..what would you do? how would you handle this? he also told me tonight that next week when his script is due hes getting it filled.we had agreed early in the week that were not going to get them filled every again....i feel so alone right now.please..please hele me get a plan for tomorrow

[samari]

I'm sorry to hear u relapsed , I understand I am back on day 2 after quiting for 19 days it *****, u tried and your in a really fukt up situation. The fact that u know and acknowledge the problems at hand is the best way to start just keep repeating the reasons in your head of y u want to quit write it down if I u have too and pull out the paper whenever u feel the urge to use. All of the ppl on this site have helped me immensely even if i did relapse, my way of thinking has changed about alot of things due to their support. If ur fam is out of town maybe that's better so u can get away. Not sure if u work but if you tell you job about your situationby law they have to let u get help without firing you. You should check into it, if you can. Easier said then done i know. dont want ppl in your business. Stay up today's a new day! You got this. im here if u need to talk <3

[dyingtolive3]

thank you all for you good advice.  I guess if you saw my post from last night You'll know that I didnt handle the situation well and I relapsed. Its hard saying that. i so badly wanted to come here and be able to face you all with a clean conscience and be clean ad tell you I fought the good fight. Im so angry at myself. this week I am getting an appt with a counselor.im also going to investigate an outpatient clinic. i would love to get out of here for a mmonth orso and go to a inpatient facility but I dont think my financial situtaion will permit that. but i can do other things. there are other options.whoever said that willpower alone is not enough was right on. i am learning more than I ever wanted to about the cycle and healing from addiction.its not a quikc fix, its not as simply as 'changing my mind", its got to be an entire lifestyle change and sometimes that icludes people/relationships. my hubby says he will 'quit' with me...again...he said that a week ago too but once the w/d s start he bails on his promise. i dont think he's ready willing to quit. i dont trust him now and I see him as part of the problem.hes going to enable me as long as i allow him to. as i mentioned, i have some very hard decisions to make. please dont give up on me, i need your help now more than ever...humble and ashamedbut grateful I am...

[CATUF]

your name says it all.  you're sick and tired of being sick and tired and you want (you're dying) to live again.

as much as anything else, i think that in order for early recovery to turn into sustained recovery, we need a SAFE PLACE.  we need some amount of distance between the people, places and things associated with our addiction.  especially early on, the pull of the disease is just too strong and even small things can pull us back.

one rule in recovery that i've seen proven true time after time is: "your recovery must come first, because you're going to lose anything you put in front of your recovery."

another is that not everyone who goes back out gets the option of coming back in.  few fall into a relapse thinking that it spells the end.  we usually think something more like "i am going to really do this for good SOON, but not right now . . . right now i just need to feel ok for a little bit, just for a little bit."  but when we go back out, there's no guaranty that it's not a
one-way trip.  many of us follow addiction to its three non-recovery ends, which are jails, institutions and death.

put your recovery first and make sure you're in a safe place. take care of yourself one-day-at-a-time.  It would really help you to get to meetings (a lot of meetings).  i don't know what it's like in your city, but here i found that primarily due to my age i felt more comfortable in AA.  in other places, i've found NA and AA to be virtually identical.  Both have books that you should begin reading immediately.  just Google (NA BASIC TEXT) and (AA BIG BOOK), both are available on line.

don't change your clean date, no matter what.

CATUF
2587
NA

[quitinoxys]

Dyintolive for your own sanity you may need to get away from this situation. It is hard enough for you not to use much less trying to get someone else to stop. Please don't cave keep fighting the good fight. If you can't get away tell him if he is going to use "go some where else and destroy your life I am trying to save mine"

Unfortunately he sounds like a very selfish person who's only concern is his filling his addiction. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS. Please keep going and make it to the other side and maybe one day when he mans up he may be able to do it too. Right now you need to take care of yourself. I will pray fror both of you and ask God to give you the strength to endure and your husband to realize the pain he is causing. God Bless---Rick

[Fireby29]

I have to agree with Kyle.  As much as it may seem impossible, or hurt like nothing else, it may be time to leave.  It will be incredibly difficult to not use.  Only you know if you can avoid it or not.  I'm really sorry this has happened.

Bryan

[Francyna]

Make meetings as much as possible, raise your hand and tell how your feeling about what's going on.......you deserve happiness honey...give urself a chance 2 live a productive ad fulfilling life......love and respect

[littlebit667]

Momma had some fight left!  Good for you.  Each step you take to getting clean is a step for you and your daughter and in many ways your husband. He just does not know it yet.  He is not ready and you are.  

Anger is much better!  I hope it fuels your need to stay clean!!!!!  

Stay hydrated...it is so important in your body healing.  No enough liquids can make you fuzzy headed and even more tired.  

[dyingtolive3]

wel we fought it out, i told him he wasnt gettinthose pils ..if he did he wsant bringing them to this house. i made him promise he wouldnt. hes mad ..really mad and i think he thinks ill change my mind. i was up and down most of the night, feeling roghu this morning and just wanti to sleep but my body wont coperate. thank you everybody for your support one good thing i think is im not scared today im mad. annger feels way better than fear. anger makes me more determined..no my daughter doesnt know. im afraid if she did her father would find out and take her away from me so i havent told her. im shaky and my hads not clear so im sorry if this is ramble.i'll post  later to see how it go thank you to my friends here. you r gettng me though this

[fpvfembacktobreakfree]

aw huni ur in a real tough spot comgrats on ya cleantime and ur innerstrengths r showing here and r sayin you dont want it no more sweetie it ***** u have no fammily close is there any friends maybe that u can stay with for a couple days that dont use? does ya daughter know that ur tryin your hardest to better ur self together mayne yous can make a plan.
i have to say thats so rude of ur partner yous made a plan together he shpuld be talkin to u not tryin to score!!
ur in my thoughts hope allgoes well please keep posting ur not alone huni ya got a whole community here right beside n here for ya sweetie godbless hugs from oz aj xoxox <3

[weaver71]

The pills didn't help before and they won't help tomarrow or the next day. I would get out of the house if it where me. Does your daughter support or know about what your going through, take her with you. When I asked my kids for help it made it real for me. I can get pills at any time, but know that I will die if I take them. I'm sorry you feel so alone. Keep coming to the forum. I wish you luck and strength. Good luck and God bless. You are not alone.

[Sonrissa]

Honey! Try to calm down and think! I think an NA meeting is a really good idea! You need some support here! You might want to think about leaving the house? I don't know what to tell you and I don't want to tell you something wrong! I will tell you one thing, taking pills will not help at all!! I'm here if you want talk or just need some support! Please take care and I'm so very sorry you are going through this! Stay strong!! Big hugs!!

[kyle505]

Sounds like he's a real s***.  Has he always been like this or is it the drugs?
You are in a very precarious situation - you'll have drugs around, and you are in the process of tapering. Don't try to get through this with willpower or conviction. You need to get away. It is too early in the process to be exposed to this. Can you go to a friends? A cheap motel?

[Blackwolfsgirl]

Take care of you. Go to an NA meeting to get more support. It can be done. I am clean 53 days and I am constantly around pills. You can not control him, and one thing I have learned is to take care of you.

[dyingtolive3]

no, theres no family here. they all live a long way off. i have my daughter home with me she is 16. i have our checkbook, i have all the money thats left. he did get paid today and im not sure how much he has left. i got his phone tonight..he drank some vodka and took some xanax and is passed out again for the 2nd night in a row.the xanax are never tempting to me, idont like them. he had a script for them and has been using them to help his withdraws from the tabs.but i got his phone and read his text messages (im not proud that i did that but i did it) and i saw that he was calling around trying to find cocaine!!!!! we have never done cocaine..well i never have..i guess maybe he has. im so angry..im sooo scared and sick ..withdrawing myself...and i really don feel up to dealing with this right now. im living with my enemy all of a sudden...what do i do?

[conhall]

I am so sorry this is happening You are getting great advice in post  Show Hubby you are stronger than this! Dig deep like sonrissa said  I am here to talk and support you I am also praying for your strength  <3 (((<3)))

[Sonrissa]

First of all that is crap! I'm  Sorry you are going through this! You knew this was going to be tough, because of hubby and all of your friends using! Bottom line is how bad do you want to be clean? I know you said you wanted to be clean for the kids/Grandkids! You do not have to allow this to ruin your plan! I won't lie as it's going to be very tough! But you can do this! I know you can! Stick with your plan, come here for support! Show your hubby that you are stronger than this! Dig deep inside, we will support you! Big hug, and I'm praying for your strength!

[HEM5505]

I am so sorry you are in that situation.  Do you have any other family that can help, that you can stay with?

[atthebeach]

oh boy. that is terrible. he went back on his word. you need to stay strong for you. you are shaking the monkey off of your back. you need to get some support in place. is your money together in one checking account? if so you need to protect it. is it just you and him at home, or do i remember one of your children still lives with you?