Going Cold Turkey!

[totalicsworks]

Hi everyone,
This is my first time posting. I wanted to start off with a little history. In jan off 99 I was hurt at work, had my first surgery in 2003 and 5th surgery feb of this year. I have been in pain management since 2003, been on just about every prescription pain med out there. I currently take roxi 15s and kadian 20s and soma which is a big step down from the fentenyl patches and actiq pops I was on before.
Like I said, im in pain management and it has gotten so bad I eat my entire script in about 2 weeks and then buy 30mg kadians to try and get me thru till my next appointment. I usually save a few roxis just to be safe incase they decide to urine test me.
Anyway, I am in pain, bad pain! But I also admit I love how these pills make me feel.
I want to get off these for good and im trying to mentally prepare myself because I am starting cold turkey tomorrow and don't have any one for support and I will be doing this alone at home. I dont work because I am on disability and workers comp.
I'm trying to figure out how to accomplish this and still go to therapy twice a week and live life.
What makes this tough is I have a legit need for the meds but go freakin crazy when I get them, I guess this is how I got here in the first place......

[Jinx_777]

so you are going cold turkey for just a couple of weeks until your new script is due?  i imagine you will go through the normal withdrawals and likely be over the worst of it before your next script. search on here for the thomas recipe that helps many people

[Jinx_777]

sorry, welcome

[totalicsworks]

No, I want to be off all the meds for good. I have went thru withdrawal many times, actually experience it every month but not for long periods of time.
The longest stretch was almost three weeks. It was rough and I was actually feeling pretty good. Just wished I would have stayed clean.......

[LadySailor86]

Best wishes to ya. Give that Thomas recipe a try.

[Jinx_777]

great choice.  i s u c k s going through it every month.  are you considering aftercare?  i think you can kick the drugs, it is just what are you going to do to stay that way?  
many say= cut all contacts. call your doctors and tell them you want off. cut all street contacts, etc.  
taper if you can, but if it is safe to go ct then white knuckle it. i have no idea what kadians are so cannot suggest any help on that.  
the famous thomas recipe has helped many.  i would start taking the vitamins now and get the other stuff ready.

[totalicsworks]

Thanks everyone, kadian is extended release morphine. I average 10 to 12 15mg roxi and 2 to 4 20mg kadians per day.
I plan on talking to the pain doctor when I go back at the beginning of the month.
If I could just stay home for awhile it wouldnt be so bad. I have to go to therapy, and other odds and ends. If I dont I will get in trouble with workers como and disability....

[totalicsworks]

Well it's day one and starting to be pretty miserable. The watery eyes, sneezing and back/leg pain has kicked in.....

[Jinx_777]

holy cow, you are going to feel like crap.  
here is one link to the Thomas Recipe.  http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/1258/Thomas-Recipe
it will help you a lot.  still gonna hurt, but just tell yourself you have the flu.  if you really had the flu there is nothing you could do but ride it out.

[VICourageous]

You have been through this before so you should know what to expect..As far as the physical just keep very hydrated and eat Very Healthy..Take some good Vit/Min too..You will find out which ones help with sleep and help relax you and the ones that help with energy..I would for sure use the Magnesium, Calcium, Potassium and Ds at night as they help relax you and also help with the RLS. You can pick this up all in one in a packet you add to water called Electro Mix..Most of my Vit/Min are as natural as can be..Vit/Min take time to kick in to work too..Start now so you can help build your immune system up.
It sounds like you can get past the Physical part of detox, but fall when it comes to the Mental..You have to know that different meds hit different areas of the brain..Most opiates hit the same, but when you add others like a benzo or so they hit different area..This means that more of your Hormones/Chems & Transmitters have been unbalanced or brought down a bit..This is the part that can take Months or a Year or so to balance back..Meanwhile it sends all kinds of singles to your body as the brain is healing..This is called Somatic Syndrome. If you just have Patience enough to give this Time to heal, then YOU will be feeling so much better up stairs and down..Meanwhile we have to have Support..Support is the Key and to learn all you can about this Addiction will help you in your dealing with Life. There has to be MANY Life style changes for this to work. OLD Behaviors or Habits have got to be Changed by New ones..I sure wish you all the best, and this TIME give it more TIME!!!
Bless

[totalicsworks]

I've been hiding in the shadows reading posts too ashamed to post because I relapsed and felt like such a loser.....
I kept telling myself I would quit next month but I guess I never wanted it until now, and I mean really want it. I am 3 days clean and WILL continue to stay that way.
I deleted all numbers and friends who were users and dealers and have realized I had to stop because I was just a few inches from rock bottom. These pills were running my life and the only thing I cared about,  I couldn't wait to get up in the morning so I could take my next dose, I counted my pills every day saying to myself, yea you can take two or three extra and make it thru but I never made it and always had to go buy more. Well enough is enough and i will make it this time! Im in day 3 and its rough, really rough but I know I will be ok and cant believe I did this to myself, ive wasted enough of my life!

[gnarly_1]

Hi...the desire to get clean must exceed the desire to get high...this is 1/3 phyical and 2/3 mental so be ready to fight it out on both fronts so your 3 days in you are on some strong meds and it is probably going to be 5 to 7 days of acute withdrawal but it is the mental part that is causing you to relapse ....this is a disease with no cure you can however arrest it and then recovery is possible aftercare is a must if you plan on staying clean for me I think N/A is the way to go   it is free and if your honest with yourself the 12 steps can teach you a whole new way to think I would give it a try keep posting for support
.............................................Gnarly......................................

[totalicsworks]

I agree with the mental part, my brain is screaming for meds but I just tell it no and try to keep as busy as I can while feeling like this, I'm about halfway thru this and I will make it.
I do have an aftercare concern though, I just read the 12 steps and I couldn't go somewhere and have god thrown into the mix, I understand we need something to believe in and I am believing in myself. I'm not a religious person. What other suggestions do you or anyone else have?

[gnarly_1]

Hi  well N/A is a spiritual progam not religious in any way  most meeting they refire to the higher power and that can be any thing you want it to be  one of my close friend is a atheist he uses the group as his higher power the best thing you can do is give it a try most people are relived when they know there is hope there other forms of aftercare you can see a substance abuse counselor or a shrink or other support groops it is up to you but this is a we program not a I program human interaction is vital to doing this long term keep posting for support.........................Gnarly.....................................

[jifmoc]

Hey, totally- just want to tell you to not, I repeat NOT get ahead of yourself w/ the "steps" or anything else. All you need do is walk into your first meeting and listen. You don't have to believe in God or anything. It's not religious AT ALL. Many people are atheist, agnostic whatever. Just go for support. You need to do something other than what you've done. You can do other aftercare but don't talk yourself out of something b4 you try it. That is your addictive brain tricking you. Don't listen! Ok? Seriously, ya gotta keep an open mind. All the peeps in mtgs are just like you and me: they don't get it, they don't wanna be there, they're scared, they're confused. But, they can't keep trying to do it alone. You know where that's gotten you, right? Keep going w/ detox...good job.

[totalicsworks]

Thanks, I already looked up meeting places and they are very close to where I live,  I'll give it a shot when im feeling a bit better. You both made alot of sense with your replies, thank you!

I'm having a really hard time right now, the cravings are insane! I will not fall I will not fail!

[IBKleen]

The best time to go to a meeting is when you don't want to. Don't wait because you will never go.

[Jinx_777]

don't beat yourself up or feel ashamed for relapsing.  just get back on the horse and honestly do something different this time.  aftercare
right now you probably don't even feel like brushing your teeth, but as soon as you are physically able give 1 meeting a chance.  if you don't like that one, then choose another one. eventually you will find one where you feel at home.
hang in there.  you are stronger than a pill

[totalicsworks]

You are right! I dont feel like moving, anxiety is in over drive right now. I wouldnt leave the house unless it was on fire at this point. I will give meetings a chance I promise

[totalicsworks]

Man this *****! I cant get comfortable no matter what position I sit or lay in. My back is just constantly in spasm. I have soma and I'm taking that but it doesnt help. Also I'm really full of anxiety, can anyone tell me if valarian root works for anxiety or is there somethin better out there?
I'm at the point that id go to the emergency room to try and get some clonidine but would probably get labeled a drug seeker and sent home in no better shape than im in now.....

[jifmoc]

Hi, what you are experiencing is totally normal. I know it blows! Have you sat in a VERY hot bath yet? Some folks live in the bath while detoxing. Or the shower.

Getting Clonidine isn't drug-seeking so, if you need it, go get it. It will help all the symptoms calm down a bit. But you'll still be weak etc for a while unfortunately. But, it will pass and the wd's will be over!!! Yay! You don't ever ever have to do this again. Just stick w/ what you are doing and let yourself get better.

Yeah, you can try Valerian. It may help a bit. It just depends on you because all of us have different reactions to stuff during detox. Can't hurt.

Good job!

[totalicsworks]

I took a bunch of hot showers today and they do help a bit, I'm just going crazy with this anxiety and muscle spasms, I feel like I want to punch holes in the wall its soo bad, I'm grumpy but trying to be nice to those around me which is tough. I dont think I said ten words all day.
I will beat this I just need something to calm me down

[jifmoc]

For now, I know this sounds dumb, but can you breathe into a brown paper bag? Not kidding. Also, make sure you are watching movies. And listening to your fave music. And no caffeine!! And lots of water. More water than you can stand. Flush out all the sh!t.

Let us know if you go get the clonidine. Great job! Great 'tude:)

[totalicsworks]

Thinking about going, this is getting ridiculous

[Sonrissa]

Hang in there! Can you soak in the tub? Epsom Salt baths will help relax you. Take some deep breaths. You are doing great! Don't give up now. Keep posting, we will get you through this.  Hugs!