day 5 nervous for the future

[kme17]

I am feeling pretty good today. I didnt think i would feel this optimistic.. i actually feel like i can head to work tomorrow and just do it. I sure know the cravings will set in soon. I worry i wont handle it very well. But i will be here and hope you can all talk me out of it like you did yesterday. And if i dont post. I have turn to the other side and maybe i will shamfully crawl back for round 500.  Need toms of prayers for this week ahead! Thanks again everyone!

[hampstead]

You give me hope i am on day 2 tapering off i do not want to do this again i am on 2 a day from 4 10/325 a day thanks Hampstead

[kme17]

Yes i sure am. I do the same. Just come here and hope someone is here to talk to! Thanks for asking

[Dixiechick72]

Hi there just checking in on u. I know boredom can get the best of u doesn't it??!!  When u not checking the clock or looking for pills to take what do we do??!!!   I was ok til a little bit ago. Boredom as hit but then I come here and see how everyone is    Hope ur hanging in there!!!

[kme17]

I go back to work tomorrow. I sure am praying i dont hit a wall. I wish i would have taken a day or two extra off but honestly now that i think about it sitting/laying around the house i am going stirr crazy. I know i would talk myself in to going to re up cause nobody would know. I feel the evil emerging in side when i am bored

[kme17]

Yeah i am w u. I need to get a plan in place and soon. Being bored  is my worst enemy. Found out when i am not chasing pills around i dont really do ne thing. How old is ur daughter? I would never want her to grow up and know her mom is not right. And look at other kids moms and say i wiah my mom was like urs. My tolerance was pretty good too. I seriously took like 5 oxy30s ir and only by the 6th i felt like i was chillin. Then it turned on me n i past out just to waste the high.  Clearly my body n mind didnt agree on what high was.

[fent_ct_or_die]

My lil girl means more to me than any pain meds... I had a moment of clarity... I seen the road I was on.., what was I going to do... I take all this medication ALL the time. Couldn't get high unless I smoked almost ALL the gel from one of my patches... My tolerance WAS nuts!! I took 6 Roxi and didn't do NOTHIN!! Wtf?! I HAD TO STOP!!!  Even after all the withdrawal I still got serious pain too... So I need to start to get a plan going...

[kme17]

Thanks you Janice. And good luck to u too. Tramadol is no jk from what i hear. I took it and abused an rx once. But my friend who was on the too had a seizure and flipped my out. So i went Back to pounding the pavement looking foe a doc to hook it up. Sure as $hit i got in a pm office. Opana its was all down from there!

[janice25]

Congradulations! I just finished tapering from tramadol. I tried ct and freaked out. Everyone is differant but I'm glad your taperi ng. Hang in there it gets better.

[janice25]

Your awesom! You have been given another chance to make things right.If you have any doubt hugs to your little girl:)

[kme17]

Hang in there. Its now or never

[fent_ct_or_die]

i cut mine open too!! all the friggin time!! i feel you... its a mess

[kme17]

Yep. I done the fent patches. But i was an idiot and cut it open to eat the gel .. u my man have got this ****! I know u been to hell. Stay strong. If i am pulling for one more then the other it YOU! Be proud . My husband can control his pill intake. Only on fri. Hes a light weight too.. i was taking by the end like 30 10s .. on a good money day. I would take 10 to 15 at once. Unfort. The moeny and debt started showing n it was time. Amoung so many other reasons. Keep in touch . You are an inspiration

[fent_ct_or_die]

Thank you!!!! YES my retarded *** did it!!! day 11 i got some sleep last might for the FIRST time!!!!!! i woke up and felt SOOOO much better. less anxiety, RLS and shaking. heart rate is still over 100 but hell im getting all that cardio i missed out on since by back went out. lol.  i hear that you get small amounts of relief from fent withdrawal then BAM it somes back to knock you right back down again. but while im here feeling ok im going to enjoy it!!! its a LONG road for me, fent takes forEVER to kick so.... im sadled up for the ride. i was afraid if i did try to taper i would fail cause if i do have pain medicine i take it all right away... so i wanted to feel the worst withdrawal the first time so i learn my lesson!!! o boy i regreated that almost 2 hours after that patch came off... cause it was like a light flipped on and i was dying!!! good luck. message me if you need ANYTHING, you got this s***t. opiate withdrawal can be a MOTHER but a human body is even more impressive that it can live to tell about it. its as close to god i have ever been. i PRAYED for death!!! my heart to explode.. SOMETHING!!!  but it didnt... i had to feel every min :( my poor wife... if she takes a half a norco shes puking in the bathroom. she couldnt do anything... i could only imagine how awful that was... whew. i dont know what you were taking but it couldnt be worse than fent.. you'll be fine! :) enjoy life! god speed!

[kme17]

@ fent.. you really went thru it. I am shocked u made it! Congrats! You are my hero! Fent patches are nasty to get off of. How are you feeling on day 11? I am so nervous for my future. I finally came to my realization i connot keep them under control. Its either all, all the time or nothing at all

[kme17]

Sonrissa yep we got thru day 4 together chickie. I hope your doing alot better today!

[fent_ct_or_die]

nice!! i am on day 11 of cold turkey 75mcg fentanyl patch, oxy, hydro, methadone (when my friend had a sip to spare) and the combo was OMG horrible. last night was the first night i slept since taking that last EVIL patch off... my wife and 2 year old little girl watched me on the couch powerless to help me. i so understand!!! taper wouldt have worked unless i went to the methadone clinic that is 50 miles away and we cant afford it, cause if i got opiates i DO them... my story is day 1 2 and 3 where horrific convulsing and constant shaking, vomiting, severe anxiety that every second i thought was going to kill me. it didnt but my heart rate was always SO high i was scared for my life. ranged allways over 100 up to 160 and i didnt leave the couch!! whew it can be so so hard. stay strong sweety!!!! message me... ive been through living HELL of this for what seemed like forever and i stayed strong!! you can DO THIS!!

[Sonrissa]

Well, you made it through the heck of yesterday! We. both did! Glad you are better! Fight hard! I am with you every step! We are together and together we can do this, Right?

[hampstead]

I am on day 2 tapering off we are very lucky to have this site for help to understand withdralls

[kme17]

Thanks dixi. I am going to live this up cause i know at ne time it will all turn around on me

[Dixiechick72]

Hey there!!! Congrats day 5!!! That was my best day after a few days of hell.  But u made it this far. So proud of u. Yes u should be happy. Remember and love this moment ok!!!  Good job

[kme17]

God i feel so great today. I want to scream it from the roof! I danced w my lil girk today. I made her laugh again. She looked in my eye w a look of oh hey mommy where have u been.  It feels so good . I could cry right now. I m on a natural high n i dont want to come down. I want to live in day 5 forever!

[kme17]

Thanks

[Elmijack15]

Glad you got some sleep, and the baby will be fine, hang in there you're doing awesome!! Hugs

[kme17]

I am confident you all know what your talking about. I am not thinking about tomorrow. Today is today and i am thinking n feeling in today. Dont know what tomorrow will bring. I did get some sleep. Its was few hrs then toss for a bit then a few more hours. I have a 11 month old, she usually sleeps thru the night. But the last 2 days she has been wide awake at 1 an 2 am. Not wanting to go back to sleep. She slept in our bed lastnight. My husband tried 2 diff times to put her in her crib and she wasnt having it. I been locked upstairs and she knows it. I hear her yelling mom mom moommm .. it breaks my heart but i knew i had no choice. I wonder if she feels something. Or just wants to be near me n night is the only time she knows how. I have been told my a few diff docs she is very advance for 11 months so i wouldnt be suprised if she made this a plan before she went to bed . Haha thanks yor everyone! And congrats to you all  too !!