ever se reminders

[Mikeinthesouth]

I am more alert than I have been in forever it seems, but 41/2 years maybe five and I was in the bathroom during my shower a lil while ago and saw what I hate to see. I don't smoke inside so when it rains or I can't make it tohe front door I end up in my master bath sitting on the step on the tub smoking and so many nights I have just come to in there from starting to fall wake up feel like I'm fallin from a mountain or something wake with a jolt after noddin or take a hell of a long nod and wake up in the a.m from the night before in fact that just happened bigtime recently and as I was walkin out I met my wife on the way in to get ready for work. I tried to play it off and acted like i was usin the john and went in the bed. I don't know if she knew but she said nothin. I write this as a few nights ago when I was really jonesen and saw about a dozen cig burns where I nodded and dropped the smoke. What an embarrasing thisng when I was a kid I can remember well I was 14 and went to these junkies house and they had the same all over their house and I used to think about that now and again and say what losers. Did the same when a my bro girlfriend's mom nodded at he bday party standin up bent at the waist while we were havin a party. I think if I am embarassed any more I will put a pillowcase over my head around here. Lets see if my wife notices that. I think I've taught her to ignore alot or she feels for me bcause i broke my back. She is the lve of my life and I hate to keep puttin her in the position to ignore this ****. I thought my daughter saw nothing to but I was told she was tellin someone close to me that when I "fall asleep" at the table she is scared I will die. God this makes me just want to shake it outta my head. AAAUUUGGGHHH Well I'm clean now. I'm home tonight and gonna lie in the bed tonight. Yikes how crappy I feel for turning into this that bad.

[newgirl2708]

HA!!!!!
Just messin' with the guys....I let you go now and play...guys night out..

[newmanagment]

newgirl ur a riot, i think i pi**ed myself a lil on that one. and bed would be a great place to nod mike.... yall crack me up!!!

[newgirl2708]

Put down the saw Mike!!!!! You're gonna Saw someone in half...

[Mikeinthesouth]

yeah dont wanna nod on c top of a sa that would hurt. Im goona learn to nod in bed.

[newmanagment]

buy a chop saw  , ill walk ya thru putting in the hard wood!! great therapy bro, plus youll save all that money on labor. but dont nod around the saw..... just tryin to make ya smile
shame about ur sis, i lost my brother to alcohol, got his liver . but he drank to the end ya know...

[Mikeinthesouth]

bein saried outta her house andbroght home don't remember alot. try not to let on though to people. laugh at things like i remember. boy i went down way to far.

[Mikeinthesouth]

my wife teels me that my sister I lost 2 yrs ago and i her hubby and my wife were eatin rb sandwhiches i was tryin to be good and treat al to dinner and we both nodded while eatin. whatta sight that musta been. Sure do miss her wish I couldda saved her. anyway thanks for the insight bro

[Mikeinthesouth]

Got some quotes today and gonna get some new floor coverin in the house. Gonna put down some more wood floorin so I'll forget

[newgirl2708]

Put down the smokes Mike!!!!! You're gonna burn down the house!!!!

[newmanagment]

ohh yeah bro. i have come home from 4 day binges and nodded off in the middle of dinner. but like you, im home, im clean, every day is brighter, and my kids and family love me. kids see all , we just dont realize it. we think they are too young to notice, we are only fooling ourselves!!! my boy was laying with me the other nite and he said "daddy , im going to put  on a piece of paper, then next time your lost you can look at it and remember where your supposed to be" . can ya feel my heart breakin all the way down there bro...? time to wipe the sh*t off our shoes and start steppin up... like always much love

[Mikeinthesouth]

Can anyone relate???