he wants to come home

[mindezz]

my husbands therapist is telling me that he wants to leave treatment as soon has he finishes his detox.  what does that even mean?  what the hell is the detox?  just getting him stabilized and the drugs out of him?  i dont understand.. between my head spinning and feeling like a zombie and the therapist talking in circles (so it seems to me).  i dont know what is going on.  she recommends at least 30 days.. he has been there now for 9 days (i think).  she wants me to tell him to stay (they r supposed to call me for a session sometime today).  is detox not long enough?  when he left, they told me he would only be gone 7-10 days. i am so damn confused.  

[tomasduece]

Most people think that once you have the drugs out of you then your better. Most rehabs help address the reason some people take the drugs in the first place. Some times it is pain but it can be an emotional problem. Sometime you have something missing in your life and you end up using drugs to make it better or mask that pain. Your husband needs to stay in as long as he can and learn to say no. If he comes out any soon he will start using again. Hell he may even be in rehab for a year and start to use the next day. If you only treat the symptoms you wont cure the disease.

[lisa650]

Hi there, well if he signed the paper  for relaese, then they cannot keep him over 72 hrs. however just make sure he goes to the outpatient meetings and AA also. Get on him about it, maybe even pick up a schedule of NA or AA meetings so that you know when and where they are held and at what times. He gave you his word he would do this hold him too it                                                                

[mindezz]

well, unfortunately... he has signed his 72 hr form or something like that.  anyway.... he will be able to leave in 72 hrs.  i told him he needed to stay, he insists he is ready to come home.  he says he will continue therapy (individual, and both of us together).  his therapist is very concerned, and states i should be concerned as well.  which of course i am... what the hell do i do?  he completely disregarded my opinion of staying at least 30 days... he thinks the facility is a scam.. they just want money. (which i am sure is part of it, they have to make money to stay in business)  at this point i am not even concerned so much about the drugs... i dont think he will go back to the crack (God, I hope not)  the crack was merely a cover up for his depression, anxiety, ect.... i worry about him coming home and the depression and anger still being there.  he promises to continue therapy once he returns home, along with attending AA meetings together.  all i know to do now is support him when he returns.  this has been the biggest nightmare in my 34 yrs of life.  he has no idea of the hell he has put me through... i am just rambling now.  i was prepared for 30 days of him getting his head straight, now.. i am scared he will come back with no positive changes.  excuse me while i go scream!!!!  i guess i have to give him a chance... deep down he is a wonderful man.. he is just so screwed up in the head... a product of his crazy, southern, beat the hell out of him, upbringing.  if he continues the drugs, the anger, the depression.. he will have to start crying to his momma.. i cant deal with a three yr old, and a mentally ill husband.  i will be gone, once and for all.

[SuzieeQ]

I agree he needs to stay but I have to tell you its pretty disheartening when you are in rehab and hear all these stories from people who are there for their 3rd 4th or 5th time. I'm not totally convinced it works. I think it comes from within and a good support group when you get out.

I sometimes feel they are just after the money. I hope that your husband does stay because I'm sure the number of people that stay clean probably out number the ones who go on to use again.

It would be nice to know what the success rate is. Do they follow up with the people who complete the program. I don't think they do but I think they should follow up with them for a few years to get a feeling of what the success rate is.

Just my two cents..

[avisg]

As everyone has said he needs at least 30 days .I am sure this is confusing and very stressful for you .30 days will give him time to stabilize a little .Have you looked into anything like alnon that will help you and give you a support system.

[ali3674]

Detoc is a few days, just getting the drugs out of your system.....He needs to stay in rehab to get therapy ad follow the program.  He could want to leave rehab just to get out of the hard part, which is not recommended.  30 days is recommended for drug rehab.,,,,He needs to stay

[baby1107]

detox does helps the addict wean of the drug slowy so there are no risks(heart attacks, strokes or convulsions. believe me i know how you want him to come home but i believe you both will have spent alot of time, money,and anquish for him to have this opportunity and if he comes home so soon, all the effort was probably useless, maybe even detrimental to him, his beating this addiction for good and you and your long term relationship. he needs rehab. that is where they teach you the skills to say no. he doesnt have that yet. im so sorry to say these things because i know you love your man as much as i do mine, but you have both made the first vital, crucial step. please dont let it be for nothing. the docs there are experts. trust them baby, trust them.he is talking from withdrawal pain and believe me your  pain will probably increase exponentially if he comes home now which could break u up and give him a chance to say NO next time it is offered. he is in pain and needs comfort, that is understandable but he doesnt need your help and you dont need to be broken hearted again facing a possible permanent separation.he is talking from pain, not rational thinking at all. please be good to you , you children, family and him.trust the experts please. if my man was fortunate enough to be in rehab, there is no way i would allow him to come home until he has the doctors convinced that he has a chance. if he returns to the same envirionment that he aquired his addiction from, the olook seems to me to be bleak. forgive me for saying that.i really do care, you have reached out to me and i would like in some way to help you.be good to all. stick to your guns. an effort is worthless unless it winds up being successfull in the LONG RUN. PLEASE BE CAREFUL. & TRY NOT TO LET YOUR HEART MAKE THIS DECISION. THAT IS WHAT YOUR BRAIN IS FOR. so sorry for your pain. and of course i could be wrong.
i will pray you and yours all day today that you make the right decision for everyone involved. you are a special woman, i can tell. if it was ever wonderful between the two of you, dont give him alittle comfort and accept him back until he is ready. (according to the docs.) that is what they get paid the big bucks for.if you dont allow him back now,even though that is what the two of you want, he will receive the knowledge of how to handle the addiction. but do what is right for all of u so u can have the best chance available so you have that chance once more to have the happiness,love and comfort that you had with him when you were first were together.
one more thing, you and i concentrate on their pain, think about how much he has hurt you and your family..get him back whole after time in therapy to deal with his cravings or you may be destoying your happiness and his. it is so natural for them to get there in an unfamiliar surroundings and get scared, reevaluate his decision and leave possibly the only opportunity you both have to live a long,and most importantly loving life. bless you

[landbray]

Hi,
In my state the one hospital in our town that you can go to detox. You are only there 5 days. This is what insurance & medicaid will pay for. Just long enough to go through detox, not be physically dependent anymore. So they let you go. Aftercare is your own follow up. In my daughters case (although in the end she didn't go to aftercare) she was in 5 days(detox) and was then suppose to go by bus to the middle of the state for 90 days rehab at dual treatment center. Treating addicts & depression. But she has a baby & she didn't want to leave him that long. I felt it was to soon also. They didn't give her suboxine either. She had to go find that dr on her own. So basically that is exactly what hospitals do, they let you detox and that is it!That is why it is so important to get a good counslor. If you don't like the one you have,(sounds like you don't) find someone you do like. If there are NA meetings your town make sure your husband goes. You need a plan for him when he comes home. Also for yourself. You can try to go to alanon- it's for famlies of people who drink but now a days it also address addicts.
Don't be afraid to ask questions to where your husband is now. You sound like noone is giving you any diffent answers. You deserve them. Get pushy if you have to.
It's a must that your husband as aftercare. We all need it. Even though the body doesn't need opities anymore the mind sure does. He needs to be prepared for how he is gonna deal with that. Please find a meeting, or someone you can confide in. You won't feel so confused or alone. and ask questions to the people at charge where you husband is.
Not to offend you in anyway but he will need more aftercare then you can give him.
The hospital is just the cushion to get you over the w/d's, the steep hill lies ahead.
good luck to you. Things will get better for you. They have already by your husband getting help. That was a huge step for your husband and to go get proffesional help. I wish every addict can be that brave.
take care
paaddict

[road2recovery]

In my opinon detox is not long enough...He needs to learn all the tools, not to use again, and also why he was , etc....My daughter told me that if she would have been out in less then 30 days, she would not be clean today...It took her 5 months...I know there are other things involved when it is your husband...Bills need to be paid , kids, etc...It is different in that sense, but not different in the brain of an addict...Although i dont' know what he was using are if you both have kids..either way i know it is tough on you, and can't imagine....But i will defintly pray for you and him,
r2r

[TimmyVD]

Detox is to safely wean your husband off the drugs. Therapy is to address the problems associated with addiction. They are two different things. He should go to therapy...listen to the therapist.

[ochooked]

Hope you will listen to what his therapist is telling you.   That is his job to tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear - - your husband may need more intense or longer therapy - --  better to have him in treatment than relapsing if he gets out.  Hope he (and you) can stick it out - -it could be vital to his recovery.  Best to you guys.