here we go again

[sofmg]

I SO NEED HELP!!!!!!

     I have been up and down this road it seems my whole life. I get on Lortab and then I run out stay clean for a few months and then go back on it. I HATE MYSELF!!!!!! I am an active 50 year old wife and mother who is so ashamed of herself but I do know I have a disease that is killing my body and my mind. My life has been up and down this year. My husband of 28 years has cancer and is doing well at this time, I AM THE PROBLEM!!!! Noone in my family knows this and I am a worship leader in my church and I am so sad inside!!!!! I just started a new job and I need help I ran out today and I am not calling the doctor because I will just start up again!!!!  I have come on and off for years I know what to expect the chills, hot flashes etc.  Why do I do this????? I was clean for 3 months and then called in for a refill and I felt great when I called the doctor.  I SO HATE MYSELF!!!!!  Is there anyone out there like me????? I must lead our church tomorrow and I feel so fatiqued!!!!! It will only get worse in the next few days and at 50 I have a new job.  I did not work while my son was young and he is in high school now and I took a job because my husband is so sick. I need to know there are women out there like me. PLEASE HELP ME


                                                   SOFMG

[sofmg]

thank you for caring. I think I use drugs to ease the lonliness in my life. It is hard to explain but another addict will get this. I have people around me but no one really knows me.  I have used opiates all my life. Sometimes heavy and sometimes not but I have never been clean for more than 6 months. I have been to AA etc. but once my husband got cancer I just relapsed. I know it is a cop out but it is the truth.  The worst part is no one knows.

[Storme]

You are not alone.. My name is Teresa and I am right here with you. I understand what you are going through as do do many of us here but we can help if you let us. Hylands Restful Legs can help with the restless leg syndrome and you can get it at any Walgreens, WalMart etc. Also bananas and tonic water do wonders for it as well. Get a mult-vitamin and try SleepMD which is all natural and has Valerian Tincture in it or try Nyquil to help you sleep. Melatonin works for sleep as well and can be bought at a health food store or pharmacy.

Coming clean to others will help solidify this all in your own mind and it will hold you accountable to yourself (my opinion ) I know it did for me. My doctor added it to my chart and it helps me when I want to ask for an opiate and other doctors can see it is not allowed. Hang in there, you can do it this time. Deep down you know you can and you need to. Your husband needs you now more than ever and s o does your son..

[sofmg]

I am getting ready to take a hot bath I am waiting up for my son . He will be home at !0:00.
I have tapered my lortab down and my last one was at 6 this morning before work. I am now at none and the withdrawl got bad around 6 this evening!! Believe me I know what to expect but the shakes always get me.  I tremble bad when I withdrawl, the worst part of all this is I am a worship leader and people look to me for advice. At this point I just want to crawl under my bed but not an option for me. I must get on with this and pray this will be the lasdt time

[sofmg]

I so appreciate your message and as soon as I can after church I will go to Walgreens and get the Restful Legs. That is always the worst for me. I have to sing tomorrow since I lead worship and it is really my passion in life but I do wonder if I can do it. I will have to get to a drugstore because my legs are going crazy. I really do want to do this because I am so very tired of this life

[IBKleen]

I know this is difficult for you, but can you call in sick tomorrow? Is there anyone who can take over for you? I hate to see you put yourself through this and would like to see you concentrate on you right now. Like I said, and you know, in a few days you will begin to feel better. Please hang in there.

[sofmg]

If I am shaking in the morning I will have to call someone, I run everything in our church but if I have to they can just sing hymns. Not good but better than crying in front of everyone. I can"t wait until 2 weeks from now but that is when I let my guard down. I must succeed this time for me.