I have 10 days but admit I am scared

[BeenHereBefore]

So I have been using Tramadol for over a year now.  It used to be for recreational value in the evenings, then once it started altering my judgement and I took a job overseas, I started using it to keep depression away.  I am now in Afghanistan and take about 15-20 50mgs pills a day with 20mg of Adderall.  It doesnt even affect me anymore, but I just take it to avoid the lows.  I am not in the military, I work as a contractor.  I work about 6 days a week.  Doing a self detox here would be miserable and could cost me my job.  
However, I have some vacation time, Dec 1 - 12th.  I cant come back to the states for tax reasons, so right now it looks like I am going to Thailand.  I am looking for a place where I can go detox and have a medical staff there to help.  I am not sure if one exists, I am still looking.  If not then its going to be me detoxing in a hotel by myself, which scares me a bit.  I have chlodine (spelling?) and know all about the Thomas Recipe, I am just really worried about the depression.  Does anyone know if there are places overseas to get help in such a short timeframe?  My plan is to detox, come back to Afghanistan and grind through another month or so and then quit my job and go into a recovery center for a couple weeks before returning home.  

Anyone have any advice?  I am going to take tramadol with me if I have to do a self detox, only because I am taking such a large amout, going CT might be unhealthy.  So the comfort of knowing its there well help.

[littlebit667]

Check out the tramadol group if you have not already!  They may have some ideas as well.

http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/322877/Tramadol--Ultram-Recovery-Room-Part-48

[BeenHereBefore]

The problem is all about my location.  This is all a secret here so I dont have anyone to confide in, nor that I trust.  The depression is what I worry about the most, I remember the last time going CT and the anxiety on days 3 & 4 were tremendous.  Hopefully I am out of here in Jan, and I have already made contact with a center in thailand for some therapy before returning home.  I am not too proud to admit my problem, if you knew me you would never guess it.  This stuff can sneak up on anyone.  I used to think of the word "rehad" and associated it with lower class, its funny how times can change at any point in your life.
I am going to try the cold turkey over the 10 days, but I dont have much faith that I can quit and be ready to return to work right after.  I will have the medication on hand.  Actually I think Tramadol is available OTC in Thailand, thats a scary thought...

[Innerstrength67]

Do you have any close friends there that you can confide in to hold your pills. U tried to ween so many times but just couldn't do it. I suffer from depression, as do most of us. This is a sticky situation but it's not hopeless. If you can't go CT than you need to find someone to hold your pills.
I'm sorry you don't have a lot of support there but we are here for you...anytime.
Message me if you want:)

[Ann2497]

I have dealt with depression for many years.  Sounds like you have depression also.  Do you have any other way to deal with your depression besides the pills?  Are you afraid to get help because of your job and your clearance?  I am a little concerned about the depression.  I don't want to scare you but it can be hard to deal with during WDs but you probably already know that.

[BeenHereBefore]

Sometimes it isnt about getting an answer, but it just feels good to let it out.  Many of us keep this a secret the whole time, so just typing it out is a way of releasing some of that pressure.

I believe having a set date and a plan is a good idea.  Being in a resort area can only make things better.  I am just going to make sure there is medical assistance close if I need it.  I am a worry wart by nature and have always dealt with depression, so tram withdrawal takes it to a whole new level.  

Thank you for responding, its nice to talk to someone about it.  I will probably be all over this board during that timeframe :)

[Ann2497]

Ok besides advice on a facility to go to what else can I help you with?  I would be happy to help you with anything you want.

[BeenHereBefore]

I dont think I could taper unless I had someone actually holding onto the medication for me.  The only person that even knows about all of this isnt here.  My biggest fear is being forced to go CT while I am in Afghan because I couldnt get the meds for whatever reason, that would be horrible.  So I would like to take this time where I dont have any responsibilities to try and get through it.  A facility would be nice because they have the medication to make it more comfortable and just having someone around to talk to makes a big difference.  I have been through this before, you get restless and you cant stay in one spot, although you dont want to talk to anyone, its like you have no idea what to do with yourself, you just wish you could sleep it away...

[Ann2497]

Do you definitely want to go into a facility?  We can't give you tapering schedules but some people on the forum find tapering easier than cold turkey.  Only you know whether you can taper down your use.  Some people don't have the willpower to taper.  Let me know what you think.

[BeenHereBefore]

I dont really have a doctor, I work on a base in Afghan.  I cant really tell someone here I am addicted to anything, I will be on the first plane out.  Plus if my employer somehow found out I would be gone in a heartbeat.  This is an odd situation because I am not stateside and have all the resources.   I will be paying this all out of pocket because I highly doubt insurance would even cover it, plus I hold security clearance so I dont want it on my record.

I think I can do it as long as I stay busy, I have to quit before it really ruins me.  

[Ann2497]

You may want to talk to a dr about the benefits of slowly tapering your dose over a period of time.  I don't know of any places overseas.  Do you have health insurance?  You could ask your health insurance company  to look into detox programs for you.