am reaching out please help

[neverending1979]

Day 18 today no opiates . I am getting so discouraged and depressed that my energy will not come back and my body will never stop aching. I have quit before but never made it this far I tell myself I can't fight this it's inevitable but am hoping one morning will be my day.it's depressing me I have a 2 yr old but feel like a vegetable it's not fair too him. I wasn't even using that much I took maybe at most 5 a day some days 3 of hydro ten some days nine on and off 7 yrs. What's going on I don't want too feel like this it's scary I can't even push too clean my own house I feel so lazy but I usually am a go better and supermom. I could scream and cry because no one in my family understands

[BearsFan1966]

It seems that for most of us each day is a battle! A battle to feel better, a battle to get clean. It is hard but in the long run so worth it. One day you will wake up and feel great! It will happen I promise, when I dont know and it is never soon enough. I remember during my first recovery I was dying inside, then once I took control and made myself get up and move around I stopped thinking and bam one day I woke up and felt great!
You have a lot of support on here and we are all here for you!
You are doing great! xoxo

[neverending1979]

Thanks bear :) today's another battle of no energy ugh I am being so impatient

[BearsFan1966]

I am here for you if you feel the need to vent I am a good listener!

[neverending1979]

Thanks bear I been fighting these demons too long I am not failing not this time

[BearsFan1966]

You have come a long way don't give in to your mind! You are the boss! You got this!

[neverending1979]

Thanks for all the replies I wanted too cave today I really did but I pushed through and it's been a more normal day today than any other even though I still ache. I do see now how some of it is mind over matter. But dang this is the hardest thing I have ever went through. But like one above said one minute one hour at a time. I haven't been doing that which I am now. Thanks all

[NeverAgain127]

Awesome comments here.   I took opiates for 8 years, not that high of a dose, but when I stopped I was a MESS for the first 30 days.  At day 18 I felt like crapola.    No energy, a cough that wouldn't go away (and didn't for over 60 days.)  I just didn't feel like me.

But what is the option?  Going BACK to the opiate madness?  No, no, no and NO!  Its' simply not a choice; you know where that road leads and its to nowhere.  

You will get better.   You WILL...this is tough, but it beats being addicted to pain pills.  Hang in there, you are doing fantastic!!!

[Ready2befree]

I feel your pain.  I'm on day 14 but it is very difficult  to be this sluggish.  We always had so much energy on pills..this is going to be the make it or break it tho.  I'm very serious  about my recovery.  You seem like you are too  beings you are on day 18.  The only thing is what people "expect" vs "reality" needs to be defined in your mind.  Think back to before you were using drugs..did you have a ton of energy? Most ppls  answer is no.  That's the reason there are numerous  energy drinks and coffees on the market. Take your time there is no rush we are all heading the same place afterall.  What's next? Afterlife? Who knows but they better not have any god dam  pills! Good riddance.
peace to you

[BearsFan1966]

You are doing great! Just tell yourself one minute, one hour, one day at a time!
We are not robots we are human. What we all did to our bodies for years can not heal over night! Someone told me you have to be ok with not being ok for a while! Great advice...You are normal and we all have been threw this. For me 43 days and still fighting but it is so worth fighting for energy opposed to fighting to get another pill!
You got this and are doing great Fake it til you make it! It works!
Keep us posted!

[Krissy_123]

He's very little,I know it's hard on you but think of the outcome! Plus he won't remember. Be thankful you're doing this well he's so young. Doing it with a 15 and 9 year old was hard as *uck. I had to fake it till I didn't have to anymore. I wish I coulda quit taking them well my kids were still so young.

[neverending1979]

I am hanging in today was the first day I made myself pick up the house my bf has been doing it. I am trying too keep my toddler bust with books and coloring. Its just like I get up and push some then I am exhausted. Big props too taking your child too the park everyday I have taken him outside everyday but can't pull to the park yet that's why I feel bad .it's like he has too suffer my actions but it doesn't seem like it's bothering him. But it bothers me because I wanna be the best I can and I just feel like a lazy bum. But I am trying. Thanks for all your posts

[Krissy_123]

Like everyone said,this is totally normal. I was dragging my feet at 18 days. I have a very very busy 9 year old and keeping up with him was so very hard. You will start to feel better,it doesn't last forever. Please hang in there and congrats on 18 days!!!

[Jade59]

As IBK said, what you're feeling after only 18 days is normal.  Totally.  No one feels well after only a little over 2wks.  You're not alone honey.  There is nothing wrong with you that 'time' will not fix.  I will bet you feel better than you did the first week, right?  This is a slow process, please don't get discouraged.  You asked if you should continue pushing yourself.  The answer is YES.  There is an end in sight, this won't last forever.  Have you tried some Ibuprofen for the aches?  Be sure to check out the vitamins suggested above.

Continue to read the forum for comfort from others experience.  We are here for you!

Hugs honey, you're doing great!  This is a mind over matter thing.  

[Bubbleguppie100]

What you're going through is completely normal. You just have to be patient. I got clean a year and 7 months ago. I, too, am a mommy of a toddler. While I was detoxing, I took my son to the park everyday ( I still take him everyday). It's great to get out and soak in some vitamin d. You need to try to have a positive mindset about all of this. Someone once told me " you need to go through your a Hell. To get to your Heaven." Boy, were they right. Hell is active addiction and detox. Heaven is where I'm at today. It's incredible. It just takes time.

[EvolverU]

Hi there & Big Props to you on Day 18!

I know that you feel weak & depressed right now but please don't beat up on yourself. You mentioned that it's not fair to your child/family. Sure,..it's not the ideal situation but what you're doing is the bravest, wisest & most loving choice that you can make for yourself & them. It just requires patience, determination & 'eye-on-the-prizeness' to maintain it. No easy task, I know but so, so worth it!

Yup. What you're describing is completely 'normal'. You mentioned that your daily dose wasn't that high but that you used for 7 yrs. Often, it's not the amt. we used but the duration that really determines healing time. What people generally don't understand is that chronic opiate use actually changes our neural pathways -- it literally alters the brain & therefore the rest of the body's processes. Luckily, the brain is 'plastic' but this isn't undone in 18 days. You're coming out of the 'fight or flight' mode of acute withdrawals & have entered an indefinite (meaning there is no one magic day or week where it suddenly resolves) period of healing. What you're feeling is the result of skewed hormonal/neurotransmitter levels. The best thing that you can do is to keep a good attitude. (Don't despair!) Give your body & the process a chance. We didn't get addicted in a day & it takes time to heal :)

As suggested by my friends above: A good supplement (they're not all created equally!) &  light exercise (walking) will help. I'd also suggest an unprocessed diet (no fried or sugared foods), no caffeine or alcohol & plenty of hydration (water). High quality protein, veggies & fruit. Alpha Lipoic Acid & N-Acetyl Cysteine will help support your overburdened liver. Sleeping when you can, deep breathing exercises & herbs like Ashwagandha, Holy Basil, Schisandra & Rhodiola will help with the Adrenal exhaustion. (This exhaustion is mainly what you're feeling right now). A full spectrum amino acid supplement will also probably help (including the L-Tyrosine that Motye mentioned). Sit in the sun & simply breath the air when you can.

Be gentle with yourself -- love yourself. You're coming out of a long period of not doing that. This is the gift you can give your child. It may not seem 'normal' & I know that it isn't pleasant but many things that are worthwhile in this life take work & sacrifice. Great job on going the longest you've ever gone without relapsing! You got this. Don't go back.

We're Here :)

[IBKleen]

For 18 days this is completely normal. You may not feel better for 30 days out but if you go back on the pills where will you be? You took the time to get sick honey, now take the time to get well. Try and focus on good things and don't dwell on the negative. It does get better. That's a promise.

[neverending1979]

Ok so this really is discouraging I guess I need too call the Dr I possibly have a medical condition making me hurt and lethargic. Thanks all.good luck

[jugglin]

Also, yes on the vitamins as Motye suggested.  However, if you are currently on any type of anti-depressant talk to your Dr before taking L-tyrosine.
You are doing awesome!

[neverending1979]

I was really hoping too hear if all this was normal and I know the high of opiates energy isn't coming back but I think I am the only one that feels like a vegetable 18 days off. Am just getting up and making myself do if I fall I fall. Sorry so frustrating my family thinks I should be 100 percent. So I guess I will give that too them n stop thinking I cant

[jugglin]

Yes...keep pushing. It DOES get better. It takes some time...you will start to have some good days and then maybe a bad day thrown in, but it DOES get better.  It's ok not to be supermom right now.  It's ok that your house is a bit of a mess.  It's ok to feed your little guy cereal cuz u aren't up to cooking.  Trust me, he will not notice and certainly will not remember...but he will be happy that his mother fought to be sober and a REAL mom.  Are you managing to exercise at all?  Go for a walk with him or go to the park.  Get out and get those natural endorphins flowing again. Tackle one house chore at a time and take your time doing it.  I don't mean push yourself to exhaustion, I mean push yourself to keep moving forward in your sobriety.

I have 3 active kids and I get exactly what you are going thru, but it is worth it!  Have you considered some kind of aftercare?  There are so many options - SMART Recovery, NA/AA, Celebrate Recovery, church, therapy.

Just know that it DOES get better and you will be a much better mom when you are present.

Wishing you the best!

[neverending1979]

Thanks and not trying too be smart but my energy shouldn't be like this it's ridiculous I still ache so much and I just want too see some light.But it's not in my head I physically don't feel well or I would be up and about.

[motye51]

Good morning....day 18 is fantastic and great big kudos on this accomplishment for sure!!! Your totally doing it. Its the drugs that are telling you that you cant do this. Your brain is mad that you've denied it.....keep on denying!
I w/d off of a different substance so all i can say is there are some vitamins and minerals you can take to try and help with energy and mood. GNC sells L-Tyrosine that when taken in the a.m. before u eat, will help with food absorption so in turn helps with energy. I used it religeously and it did help. Continue with your vitamins that u used through w/d high in potassium, iron, magnesium, zinc, etc... Go for a walk....force yourself even just to walk up the street ! I had to do things in spurts for quite awhile....get up do the dishes, sit down, get up and switch the clothes, sit down! Trying to be supermom is what got us in this position in the first place. That energy you had was not real...dont expect it to come back....u need to work on getting your real energy back. Keep posting when u get in your head....

[neverending1979]

Theirs no way I want too feel this bad 50 days that's what I don't know if people understand. I feel like I can't do much of nothing getting a shower or picking up a room takes it all out of me. That's not me

[BraneGame]

I am 50 days today and I still feel weak a lot of the time. I was on Oxy for 8 years at a very high dose. That being said I know it will take me a while to feel better. I have been told one day I will wake up and feel much better. That day has not come for me yet but has come for a friend of mine who got clean two days before me. My day of feeling much better is sure to come soon. You were taking a medication that is not as strong as the one I took so I would think you will heal much sooner than I will. Keep up the fight, you are well on your way to being free. You can do this!