last ditch effort

[BeyondScrewed]

I think ive been going about this all wrong. I get so angry about where I'm at and what ive done to myself that I try to drop down way to far way too fast. Then when I cant take it nymore, instead of trying to just take the edge off I go nuts and end up right back where I freakin started.
My new goal is simply to sutvive on my scriot alone. Ive told all my sources that if they consider me a friend in any way, that they will ignore my phone calls from here on out.
I also told my sister that my next Dr appt is on Thursday. I am bringing the paper directly to her. She is going to pick up the scripts, hold them, and under no circumstances is she to give me more than what I am supposed to have. Unless I get sent outta town for work.
Please everyone, cross your fingers for me.
I cant live like this nymire. I have no joy, no hope, no drive to do nything. This stupid G** D***ed little blue pills runs my life. And ruined my life. I want my life back. Please........let this be the start FINALLY of something I succeed at. PLEASE

[quitinoxys]

Yes I told myself for years that I could just take my rx as prescribed, but low and behold every month I would run out. That's when I decided to get off this merry-go-round and get real with my addiction. Only then can the healing begin. I read all of your posts and I do have sympathy for your dilemma but will the day come when you really quit. I will tell you it 5uck5 having to take the evil oxy for maintenance cause you will need more & more & more to maintain. I wish you luck in whatever you decide, but don't let your addictive brain make the choice for you use the sober part of your brain make the choice. God Bless---Rick

[Fireby29]

I do not want to pile on, but I will just add my own experience.

I told myself for a long time, probably 2 years, that I could use these pills as prescribed.  It was a complete and utter lie I was telling myself.  I am a addict and yeah, I had pain and life stuff going on, but I wanted to use.  I wanted to USE.

I could never taper, and I had to go cold turkey and cut every last source.  Because I wanted to use.  I hate the things also, so do not confuse the two.  Almost all of use hate the drugs, but we want to use.

Good luck, I will be thinking about ya.

Bryan

[BeyondScrewed]

My doctor has told me about other patients who have confssed similar things to him. He cut them off. Or so he said. So that's not really an option

[dominosarah]

The best thing here would be to talk to your doctor and let him help you with a taper plan.  That way you can be monitored.  Your safety is the first concern here.

[BeyondScrewed]

Nursegirl, me and my wife are seperated. Right now i am staying with my parents. They are great but are too far away from my son to see him as much as i want. My sister lives 2 minutes away. That is why im moving in with her.

Vicki, thank you for understanding that i am wsy too far gone to jump right now. I have never, not once, in the 7 damn yearsvthat ive been an opiate addict have i taken only what i was prescribed. So if i can pull that off this week it will be a majir step for me.

1. Thank you both again soooo much. I feel like you actually care about me and you dont even know me :-)  seriously, when im havin a really bad day and i think about.........well you know. I grab my phone and get on here to read andit makes me feel better.
2. Ive more to say but am tired and typing on a phone. Ill check in tommorow during work, and post more when i get home to my laptop.  Good night

[vicki595]

Okay! I've got it straight. I'm NOT giving you a hard time on purpose; I'm just wanting to understand the plan and I've got it now. I agree with taking just what's rx'd to you. You take waaaay too much right now to jump!  

I know you want this and I know it's a mess at home. We're here for you and I can help you with that taper when the time comes. You know, just taking as prescribed is going in the right direction. It's all a process. It's not a race but a marathon, as we're fond of saying...AND I understand about the secrecy right now.  

Do your best and it sounds like you've got some great support with your sister and brother in law.  Try to get some sleep...