last ditch effort

[BeyondScrewed]

I think ive been going about this all wrong. I get so angry about where I'm at and what ive done to myself that I try to drop down way to far way too fast. Then when I cant take it nymore, instead of trying to just take the edge off I go nuts and end up right back where I freakin started.
My new goal is simply to sutvive on my scriot alone. Ive told all my sources that if they consider me a friend in any way, that they will ignore my phone calls from here on out.
I also told my sister that my next Dr appt is on Thursday. I am bringing the paper directly to her. She is going to pick up the scripts, hold them, and under no circumstances is she to give me more than what I am supposed to have. Unless I get sent outta town for work.
Please everyone, cross your fingers for me.
I cant live like this nymire. I have no joy, no hope, no drive to do nything. This stupid G** D***ed little blue pills runs my life. And ruined my life. I want my life back. Please........let this be the start FINALLY of something I succeed at. PLEASE

[nursegirl6572]

For one, I admire your honesty.  It's not easy to admit you're failing and feeling weak.  

You will always find a reason why "right now" isn't a good time to w/d.  I mean if you had a big court appearance tomorrow or something, I could MAYBE see, but I think there are few REALLY "legit" reasons to put off making this MUCH needed change.

I will tell you that also, you'd be surprised at how much narcotics are probably exacerbating your pain.  NO doubt there are some conditions that are chronic, that require pain meds, but I'll be honest, a LOT of people really can go without...they have either never TRIED other things to deal with the pain, or they've just become accustomed to "needing" the pain pills.  With chronic opiate use, you will constantly be experiencing rebound pain, especially when your tolerance is increasing.  Lastly, you're abusing your meds, you're an addict, therefore, pain meds should be your very last resort for pain management.    

IMO, you need to make some drastic changes in order to be successful.  Those changes would be to start seeking out alternative pain management methods and accepting that you just cannot take opiates.  Having real pain and an addiction is a tricky situation for sure, but like I said, many people end up being surprised that when the smoke clears, their pain is actually much BETTER than it was while they were taking narcotics.

[quitinoxys]

Yes seeing an addictionologist is a great idea, I know it worjed well for me. I will pray for you and hope you CAN overcome this addiction. God Bless---Rick

[cleanguy]

Im just thinking of the position you are putting your sister in. She sounds like a wonderful person, but being an addict your likelihood of hurting your sister seems abnormally high. There is never a great time to withdraw. I know for a fact I can not have another oxy or any opiate, i would slide downhill really fast and back spending money and lying to my loved ones. Just think about the pattern that you are going to create. All my prayers..

[BeyondScrewed]

I am at the beginnings of a most likely divorce. As of right now only a handful of people know that I take more than my script. My AWESOME sister being one of them. Also my main suplier is a very good friend, snd he has given me his word that he will help me get to Thursday, snd then he will never again.......
As of now my wife has nothing to use against me. If I admit to everyone everything that ive done, I could very well lose my son. He is MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!!
I cannot stress that enuf. I love life and want so badly a sober life, but if I lose him then I really honestly don't care either way. I'm not saying I'm gonna do nything stupid. But without him I have no life.
So I have to and will succeed on my own. I have beaten alcoholism, addictions to cocain, xanax, 24/7 weed smokin for 10 years. And I WILL beat this. I will.
I have been knocked down and had to start over in life before, and I can do it again. I have been seekin NA meetings where no one wud know me, and possibly an addictionologist.
I cannot believe the level of supporr I receive here though. You are all absolutley amazing.
And for those that don't know, I am cyrrently at 25 mcg fentanyl patch and 4 of the 30mg oxy ir per day as my script. I add to that nywhere from 50-200 mg oxy per day.
But no more. Again thank you all

[quitinoxys]

I agree re-read your posts and think about the about waht you said. You use the verb "cannot" quite frequently this is your addicted brain telling you won't be able to do this. You "CAN" do this so please try. You will be suprised what you "CAN" do when you put your sober brain to it.

[bamabred]

Relase is part of recovery,But not if it ongoing...Please reread the last 5 posts over and over again,anyone can do anything ay any giving time,you just have to want to(im not saying you dont)try,try and try a litle harder.You are in the rght place for help,d your bet and ill be praying for you....Danny        :)