Aa
last ditch effort
I think ive been going about this all wrong. I get so angry about where I'm at and what ive done to myself that I try to drop down way to far way too fast. Then when I cant take it nymore, instead of trying to just take the edge off I go nuts and end up right back where I freakin started.
My new goal is simply to sutvive on my scriot alone. Ive told all my sources that if they consider me a friend in any way, that they will ignore my phone calls from here on out.
I also told my sister that my next Dr appt is on Thursday. I am bringing the paper directly to her. She is going to pick up the scripts, hold them, and under no circumstances is she to give me more than what I am supposed to have. Unless I get sent outta town for work.
Please everyone, cross your fingers for me.
I cant live like this nymire. I have no joy, no hope, no drive to do nything. This stupid G** D***ed little blue pills runs my life. And ruined my life. I want my life back. Please........let this be the start FINALLY of something I succeed at. PLEASE
My new goal is simply to sutvive on my scriot alone. Ive told all my sources that if they consider me a friend in any way, that they will ignore my phone calls from here on out.
I also told my sister that my next Dr appt is on Thursday. I am bringing the paper directly to her. She is going to pick up the scripts, hold them, and under no circumstances is she to give me more than what I am supposed to have. Unless I get sent outta town for work.
Please everyone, cross your fingers for me.
I cant live like this nymire. I have no joy, no hope, no drive to do nything. This stupid G** D***ed little blue pills runs my life. And ruined my life. I want my life back. Please........let this be the start FINALLY of something I succeed at. PLEASE
You say you cannot afford to go through withdrawal right now. You can't afford not to go through withdrawal now.
One thing you have consistently done is to keep doing this on your own. Your way doesn't work hun and that's how you got here. It is time to ask for help and not from your sister. You are putting a lot on her as it is.
I am very concerned for you and will keep you in my prayers.
One thing you have consistently done is to keep doing this on your own. Your way doesn't work hun and that's how you got here. It is time to ask for help and not from your sister. You are putting a lot on her as it is.
I am very concerned for you and will keep you in my prayers.
I will xplain more later why I cannot do some of that. No more time right niw, but thank u all again so much. Ill post more in a few hours
I know I cannot control myself. That is why sis is going to hold them. I would LOVE to just stop. Unfortunately my personal life and especially my domestic situation are both in a state that I cannot afford to go through w/d's right now. Especially from the ridiculously stupid level that I'm at. This is the best I can come up with right now.
And yes I do have legit pain conditions. That's the othee reason I keep failing. Besides the fact that I'm only 32 ad ive been high or drunk since I was 15. Somehow ive still managed to build a life and I will not let oxy take it from me
And yes I do have legit pain conditions. That's the othee reason I keep failing. Besides the fact that I'm only 32 ad ive been high or drunk since I was 15. Somehow ive still managed to build a life and I will not let oxy take it from me
Your "sign on" kinda tells its own story. The posts above are the TRUTH you probably don't want to here.
Even with my husband as my "gatekeeper of THE pills", I would sneak, find, hide, stash, lie, whatever it took to get more and more and more.
I started with a prescribed dose; our pain receptors in our brains are purposely designed to "quit working" at a certain level. It is a built in lifesaver, if you will.
Take heed of the above advise......your brain on pills will ALWAYS AND FOREVER tell you that you can "go back" to taking what was prescribed.
You must decide for yourself, of course, but the rat race will continue.
You can always CANCEL your script, ask your sister to help in other ways.
As Kyle says: 1) Cut off every single source you have for your drugs.
2) Share your "secret" (which you have to some extent already it sounds like) but secrets keep us sick.
3) Get some aftercare, NA, AA, counseling, support group. With "skin on" not just a computer (when you have the health and energy which it sounds like you already do) I long for that energy!!
Blessings to you......"beyond screwed" (that is an interesting admission)lol
Even with my husband as my "gatekeeper of THE pills", I would sneak, find, hide, stash, lie, whatever it took to get more and more and more.
I started with a prescribed dose; our pain receptors in our brains are purposely designed to "quit working" at a certain level. It is a built in lifesaver, if you will.
Take heed of the above advise......your brain on pills will ALWAYS AND FOREVER tell you that you can "go back" to taking what was prescribed.
You must decide for yourself, of course, but the rat race will continue.
You can always CANCEL your script, ask your sister to help in other ways.
As Kyle says: 1) Cut off every single source you have for your drugs.
2) Share your "secret" (which you have to some extent already it sounds like) but secrets keep us sick.
3) Get some aftercare, NA, AA, counseling, support group. With "skin on" not just a computer (when you have the health and energy which it sounds like you already do) I long for that energy!!
Blessings to you......"beyond screwed" (that is an interesting admission)lol
I know I cannot control myself. That is why sis is going to hold them. I would LOVE to just stop. Unfortunately my personal life and especially my domestic situation are both in a state that I cannot afford to go through w/d's right now. Especially from the ridiculously stupid level that I'm at. This is the best I can come up with right now.
You are NEVER going to take them as prescribed.
You're an addict, just like me, and that's never going to change. Course, you can change what happens today and NOT use. But if you think you can take your meds as prescribed, you're kidding yourself. Sorry if that's harsh but it's true. Stop now.. YOU can do this if it's truly what you want.... just STOP.
You're an addict, just like me, and that's never going to change. Course, you can change what happens today and NOT use. But if you think you can take your meds as prescribed, you're kidding yourself. Sorry if that's harsh but it's true. Stop now.. YOU can do this if it's truly what you want.... just STOP.
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