Lurking....but soooo ready...

[whyagain]

Well,  for the past year or so I have been taking anywhere from 5-16 5mg imiediate release oxycodones.  Why 5-16?  It started off every now and then, basically Friday and Saturday nights....then Sundays started to come into play.....then a few here and there over the week.  Around September/October last year it pretty much was over.....I was hooked, I knew it, thought to myself...."well, might as well keep playing for now....I can do anything!".  I snapped out of that around December, and decided I wanted to be clean for Christmas for my wife and son....who had no idea at the time.  I did it, it sucked for a few days, but I did it.  Fast forward appx 3 weeks....New Years!  Haven't really stopped since.  Tried at 1 point...even caved in and told my wife.  She was not pleased to say the least.  She actually said, "do it again, I'm gone!".  Well, I was good for about a week after that, but I'm sure anyone who's reading this knows....they call to you.....Now, for the past 3 weeks the person I was getting them from has run low, and went on vacation.  I have literally been doing anything I can get my hands on....anything from hydros to percs to heroin.....eeeeesh!  I really really really really really want this cycle to stop.  I want my son to have his daddy back, and I want my wife to have ME back.  Not sure what I expect to here from anyone one out there....I know what I'm going to be going through for the next who knows how long.  I took my last perc last night around 8:30, and to be honest, I don't feel all that bad.  I did leave work.....just to get away....my mind was racing, and it's not fair to anyone there if someones slacking.  I'm just ******* pissed at myself for letting it get to this....again

[cathy5841]

like mimi said we have all been there to some degree or other.  there is lots of support her, but check into some aftercare.  it is very important.  you can do this...keep us posted.

[MIRFL]

you sound a lot like me. i also kept my wife in the dark for a long long time. but just this week she caught me and that made it a lot worse. i found that for me it's is nearly impossible to stay clean and to continue to keep it away from your wife. i can't speak for others, but you will need a support system after kick.... look up my profile and you will see what i mean. i have tried tooooooo many times before. i wish you the best of luck.

[cocobeanlisa]

It sounds like they gave you great advice, and yes each time I have detoxed
it has gotten worse.  I know your not a bad Dad and that you want to be there for your son and wife.  Now is the time..You can do this but it's up to you.

I know it's hard, at least for me it's one of the hardest things I have done.

hang in there and Good luck,
cocobean

[Decisions]

I am on day 7 clean , of 12-15plus 10/325 NORCO.  This is the worst time of my life.  Day 7 and still feel very tired and weak, and nervous.  No one knows at my house.  At least I think no one knows.  By going online and looking at different sites, it is possible they may have a "clue".  But I played it off as the worst FLU ever, and so far seems to be working.  For you ,  it won't work probably, since they already  know you were using.

You have to make your own decisions, but If I thought I could, I would take the support of those who truly love you.  You and I are NOT bad dads.  We ( and many others) know what we have done, and accomplished both on and off the drug.  

I can tell you this in NO  UNCERTAIN  TERMS...  each time you start and quit, it gets harder and harder on the body.  This is my 3rd time quitting, and the first 2 times were a cakewalk compared to this.  I have been using for almost 5 years.  The longest stretch of non use was around 2 months I think.  Who cares. It doesn't matter, because the present is all that does matter at this point.  

Unless you are really able to tough it out, you will probably want to take a few days off.  The first day you feel like you are coming down with "something".  It is day 3,4,5 that kick your AXX.  But again, everyone is different.  You may fly through ok, and I hope you do.  Your DOC (drug of choice)  is different than mine, so I can't speak intelligently about it.  I assume the PERCS are similar to the NORCOS, as far as the opiate derivitive aspect of how it effects the brain/body.  

IT sounds like the max oxycodone you were ingesting in a day was around 80mgs.  That is a lot but nothing compared to others.  It's all relative. Hopefully at this level your detox, and  withdrawal symptoms will be manageable.

IF you think your wife will give you a "2nd chance", (and she should), then she can try to help support you.  It may do her good to read about the many, many, many good people here who are NORMAL people who got dependant on a drug for whatever reason.  Example would be me.  I am a self-employed guy who met nearly EVERY obligation to my family and friends, and myself even during my drug use.  No one paid for me ,  BUT  ME,  and you need to keep the mind-set of who you are and not what people ( including your wife,family  etc) think.  

Just stay strong and be done with it .  I wish you success in this difficult but winable fight!!  

~Decisions.

[macksabratt]

I hope you can get some time off from work.Are you planning on telling your wife?If you don't tell your wife then are you just going to play it off as the flu?It is going to suck but it is nothing you can't do.I am on day 9 in my cold turkey and feeling alive but still very weak.Everyone is different.Read the Thomas recipe,take hot baths with epson salt,drink as much water you can eat bananas or anything you can get down.Heating pad works well,i also got these icy hot sleeves at walmart and put them on my arms and legs and that helped the pain and rls.You can do this!

[mimi1313]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum. We've all been where you are or pretty close to it. You will find a lot of useful info in the health pages on the right side of the page. There are different vitamins and amino acids you can take to make withdrawal easier.

Post often, it helps.

Good luck,
Melissa