Oxy LongTerm Usage Issues

[legolas100]

I am wondering if anyone can relate to my problems with Oxy long-term usage.
I have been on high doses of Roxicodone 30's for 13 years, starting when I was 40.
For many years the Oxy was a blessing to me . . It not only got rid of my pain, but it gave me energy and happiness, which was lacking in my life.  But now, although I do get a temporary boost from it, my system seems to be suffering greatly.  I don't know if it is my age (53) causing me to not process the meds very well, or my poort eating habits, or the lack of sleep.

You see  -  I am so excited when I get my script filled, that I cannot sleep well in anticipation of the morning dose.  I often get up at 4 am because I just can't stand to wait any longer.  Then I feel great for a few hours but by 10 am I am exhausted and spent.

Because I feel so great from the Oxy, and because the Docs have cut down my scripts drastically - I cannot make them last and I run out early each month and suffer GREATLY for 2 weeks until the next Doctor Appt.
Then I get the new script and the first 2-3 nights I sleep only about a couple of hours as my body takes several days to get accustomed to the pills again.

It really has become a bad cycle.  So strange to me because for years I took the pills, and worked tirelessly all day and had fun on my computer until 2 am . .  then I would get up and start over again with no ill effects.  I was so busy and happy - remodeled my home, made my own websites, etc, etc   Well it has caught up with me now.  I have become a complete couch potato and have become phobic of leaving the house - not like a terror feeling but just "don't want to go anywhere", especially to visit relatives.  

I tried to quit and skipped my appt last month.  I had cold sweats for 2 more weeks and life was just black and white with no joy in anything.  I was in a deep depression.  Finally I gave up and went back to the Doc.

The honest truth is  -  even before every trying Oxy, I NEVER felt as happy as I do when I take the Oxy.  That is the main problem because regular life just isn't a BLAST.  It isn't "wow".  But it is "wow" when I take Oxy.  But it is a roller-coaster.  It is a trade-off.  You cash in this flat-line life where everything is just "OK" while you chat with Aunt Helen, mow the lawn, and attend graduation ceremonies, etc . . . for an exciting yet sickening ride on the Comet where a simply computer game absorbs you for 11 hours.  Even if I stay off them for 3 years, I will still always know that a joyful existence is just a few little blue pills away . . .  and that creates a chinese water torture in my head.  Drip . . . drip . . . drip . . . aaarrrggghhh, gimme the pills !!!!!!  There is no escape.

[meegWpaw]

Hi I'm sort of new here and reeeeaaal new to being clean (12 days) but I just wanted to say that even tho I wasn't on Oxy (I did take it sometimes, if it came my way), I was into Vicodin, I had almost the exact same progression as you did with the motivation and such.  I loved my Vicky--I won't even go there.  But I used for 14 years.  it was so so so great for the first many years and then suddenly in the last year I began to have less effects.  Didn't get high, didn't get energy ... in fact, the opposite.  What you described.  Only with me I took more and more and still didn't get that feeling, which is part (part) of the reason I decided to quit.  It took me 3 mos to decide to quit.   I was losing it mentally big time and also having a lot of deleterious physical side effects that I was sure would "never happen to me."  In the end all the motivation and happy I feened for turned into what you described:  sitting on the couch, doing nothing much, only I also started to freak out mentally.  I just had so much in my system.

I know also what you mean by life being boring or somehow unfulfilling or not as exciting without the vicky or oxy.  I can relate. I am struggling with those issues as well, though now I mainly am just struggling to get my life back and heal my body and mind

I guarantee you one thing, though I'm no source of wisdom:  it's just going to get worse.  I think.  just like any other drug, once you start chasing that high, you won't get it back, and you'll drive yourself crazy (literally) doing so.  I think that once the high is gone, it's gone.  You think you can get it back.  but you can't.  i feel bad saying that to you.  but i feel it's true.

I hope that like this one post i read on here from like 2005, that the notion that life is boring without drugs is wrong.  that you have to maintain the belief that better days are ahead.

Maybe it can be exciting, happy, wonderful.  Not all the time.  But when it should be.  what do you think?  maybe  you think i'm just silly for saying all this.  you should listen to the people around here with more time.

Just wanted to say I can relate.  But also, I try, when I can, to be hopeful.

[Oxy480Jim]

Well, both of us are addicts, LoL!  You know what i mean though

[Oxy480Jim]

Yes, I realize it wasn't a pain issue- but even so the drug works the same whether you are an addict or suffer from chronic pain as far as the  roller coaster effect goes.

[Oxy480Jim]

Then again it sounds like you are taking the stuff for an entirely different reason than I, in which case I would just quit taking the stuff for that reason.  Try living using your body's own drug called adrenalin to shake the dulldrums, going skydiving, sking, snowmobiling etc. That's what I used to do before I screwed up my body and landed in a wheelchair.  

[vicki595]

OxyJim-  I didn't get that at all when I read this post...maybe I need to read it differently. I didn't get where this is a pain issue as much as an addiction issue.  I'll read it again a few times!!

Legolas-  How many 30mg tabs do you take a day?  IS it for pain management?

[Oxy480Jim]

Seems to me that  since you have had your script cut, you aren't getting the dose you are used to. I've also been on oxycontin for more than 10 years. I've been on the current dose of 120mg x 4/day for the past three years, and haven't needed an increase. I do know that you can't cut back, which is what your docs made you do once you've become established on a dose that works for you. Everyone is different in this regard. Some people do well on much smaller doses, such as 10mg 4 times a day.  Another important thing to note is that Oxy has a short half life, which means that half of the dose you have taken is gone out of your body after 4 1/2 hrs. If your are taking oxy three times a day, you will inevitably "roller coaster". The oxy will be almost completely expelled from your body in 9 hrs, so any effect is nearly depleted if you are on an 8 hour dose regiment.  It's best to maintain as even an amount of oxy in your system as possible. Dosing every 6 hours work best, and if you find the amount that gives you reasonable pain control you will avoid those roller coaster rides, ups and downs, or basically going near withdrawl 3 times a day.

I would talk to my doc and explain this, and get back onto a 4x's a day dose that takes care of your pain.  As mentioned, I take 480mg a day and do not get a buzz from the stuff at all, but  start feeling my pain levels increasing if I missed one. If I miss two doses I start going into withdrawl, and would be in full withdrawl within 16 hours.

I've yet to find something else that works and isn't an opiate. From what I've read here suboxone works, and has a longer half life, but the withdrawls are just as bad if not worse if you were on it long term.

[vicki595]

Hi-  You explain that horrible cycle and those feelings quite well...I can relate although my drug of choice was not an opiate. It was still an addicting drug and it became a nightmare!

There is an escape but you have to WANT it more than anything on earth!  You just can't do it on your own;you need to enlist a lot of support. I don't have the all the answers but I know what you can do to help you get off the train.

Contact your doctor and be honest. He/she can be an immense help. Talk to a close family member or friend. Surround yourself with non using people. Ask for help. Most of us cannot do this on our own and those that try generally fail.

Quitting the pills or the substance is just the beginning , in the long run, it's the easy part. You need to know that. Staying clean is work but it's so worth it!!

Call your doctor,look around your area for a therapist,group,out patient program,etc...you'll need that!   What you're feeling now is not unusual, The pills just catch up with us! Some is age,as well. You're not old but this stuff really ages us.  You can get it back,but as I said, you need to do the work.

You'll get a lot of support on the forum. There are some really stellar members!  So,keep writing!