relasped again

[Tank78]

I stoped about a month ago taking percs and vicodin, was doing really well untill my wisdom tooth was removed and i thought that i would be able to control myself with the vicodin, well i didnt and now its been two straight weeks of poping about 15- 20 a day, i should have known better but for the firat 3 daysafter the extraction of my wisdom tooth it did hurt like hell as i ended up with dry socket which i do not wish on my worst enemy, but i guess my question is anyone relaspse like this unintentionally? And will i have to go through withdrawl symptoms again?? I was doing great without them went about 3 weeks without any of them and then that damn tooth thought i was strong enough to not get back in this cycle, i have a support system in my wife, which see noticed bc she asked if i was taking them all the tine again and hid them from me and gave them to me only when it was time to help prevent me relaspseing, which worked for 2 days untill i jusg wrnt and bought some but she said she noticed me changing and can tell when im taking them bc of my attitude, i came to this forum when i first quit last time and could really use some support or words of encoragement, not looking for sympathy for its my fault for the relaspse thanks ahead of time!!!

[meegWpaw]

hey Tank, been there, done that.  I've relapsed many times but at least one was through dental meds.  I don't know that I would say it was unintentional, though I didn't see it coming.  I have experienced withdrawals with every relapse, even from 20 or so pills, but they wds were never as bad as the first time I got clean in 2011 off a wicked habit.  I couldn't quite understand, are you clean now?  for how many days?  sorry about your dry socket--ugh.  you can do this if you really want to.

[dominosarah]

You learned a few hard lessons this time.  My concern is you are worried about the wd's and not what brought you to this point again,  I understand dry sockets as i have had them and they are painful but the packing gives you relief.  You thought you could control your useage and that is one thing we can never do.  Get into some aftercare.  You will learn the tools you need to live clean and if something like this happens again you will know what to do.  Dont worry to much about the wd's as they will be what they will be.  Just know that you are back and ready to go at this again and that is a good thing.  You are worth fighting for~

[Tank78]

Yes meegpaw i am using again going to try today to stop again i had stopped for about a month and then started agagin from the tooth extraction!

[Tank78]

Yes dominosarah i def understand that in no way shape in form can i control any tyoe of usage involving the pills!!

[HappyDays2Come]

Hi and welcome back! Since you were taking 15-20 for 2 weeks straight I would guess that you will experience w/ds again. Probably not as severe but since you were only clean for a short time before starting up again the w/ds are going to be inevitable. More importantly than the w/ds is why you're here again. Get through the brief physical w/ds but really focus on the mental aspect this time around and what steps you're going to take differently to stay clean. Most of us have relapsed and it's important to reevaluate the reason you've done so and make changes as needed to avoid doing so again. I'm glad you're back and we're ready to cheer you on! Let's get the clean time rolling :).

[Tank78]

I quit for two days and then took more this is like a endless cycle very disappointed with myself and its my fault no one to blame

[VICourageous]

Oh Tank, I know it is not easy..You have had such a struggle. There is so much we have to change in our Life..It is almost like we have to make a Whole New World for ourselves. Just look forward and do not repeat the same things that can cause you triggers. Have you talked to a DR about this?? Maybe hits some Meetings like AA/NA..
I will send you some prayers.
Bless

[meegWpaw]

Tank you quit before and if you quit for two days you can do it for longer.  You have a wife who is perceptive and supportive of your recovery.  You can do this!  You just have to want it bad enough.   We are here to support you, you know that ...

[ready4mylifeback]

i am going through the same thing day 1 AGAIN.. i have been battleing w stopping for a few months get 24 or a little more hrs in and right back at it... i KNEW i HAD to cut my sources it is the hardest thing to do but i knew i was not stopping if i didn't.. that's what i did and i am doing it starting today doesnt matter how i feel.. i am tired of being chained to a pill (lots of them actually) i have 2 small kiddos so it will be rough but i KNOW my life is so much more worth it honestly i can't stand to think of living like i was anymore.. you just have to get to that point i think CHANGE your surroundings.. get rid of any source you have and fight through it!! i may not be much help as i said this is day 1 for me and i am still feeling ok... but i know i will be posting a lot and i know others need support just as much and it will help me too helping others if i can support them in some way! all i know is that is no life to live..you are worth more than that.. i started to look forward to the good things again, living normal, having more money, my relationship back with God (as i have been so numb i can't feel a thing) i want to be able to cry and laugh again, i want to be able to go places and have tons of energy and fun with my kids.. the list goes on and on and this is what i will focus on when i start wanting the pills.. if you don't change anything nothing will change i can promise you that like i said it was the "last day" for me months ago.. wish you the best!! you are worth way more and while your wife is supportive is a good time to quit eventually she may not be able to take it anymore.. don't lose what you still have!! these pills are not faithful and they wont be there for you in ANY situation no matter how much they tell you they will!!

[dominosarah]

You have to change your playmates and playground~

[Tank78]

Well today is my last again i havnt posted since the last time i honestly been reading over and over again everyones advice and i can see where i have been going wrong with the quitting and starting again, i finally told my wife again that i was taking them she wasnt happy but was supportive once again and idefinitely dont want to ruin her support for me, we broke down the money that i spend on thw pills and compared them to the bills, it was so hard knowing i wadte that much money, fortuanatly my family dosnt take hrdship from my rediculous habbit, but it was very hard to deal with! Like i have stated in thw past about being mentally strong and coming from a proud italian family its looked at as a weakness and disgrace to your family to have such issue. Im going to make a few changes this go around and with the grace of god over come this obsticale. I have mentioned before that i am a nurae and i did sone extra research and found that tgere is some support activities through my place of employment that helps ita emplyees with such addiction, im going to overcome this!!! I would like to thank everyone for there advice and may god bless you all, i will be posting here more often thank you all once again for your words and for taking your time to give me words of encoragement!!!!

[ariley13]

It sounds like you have been there and done that, so I won't tell you what you already know. Just alter your plan, keep what was working, and leave the rest. I just wanted to offer my support and let you know that you are not alone. I'm proud of you for not giving up. Good luck and take care!

[meegWpaw]

im proud of you too Tank and I hope you can give it a real go this time!  of course I know cuz I've been there, we always plan this time to be the one that sticks, but I know you can do it if you really want to.  yes, we are here for you, take the steps you need to and put a good plan in place, do the work, and we will help out as much as possible with the rest!  all the best to you Tank, glad you are persevering!

[conhall]

How are you doing today? What are you doing different?

[kyle505]

Einstein wrote that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  
You said that you're making "a few changes this go around"...What exactly are you doing? You sound very vague and not really that committed. I say this only because what I read sounds just like me over the last 15 years.
Are you getting after care? Work programs are all well and good, but you really need to get to NA meetings and talk with other addicts. You need to get a sponsor; someone you can call 24/7 in case you're tempted to call a dealer for meds. Speaking of which, have you deleted all sources? Told your doc, dentist that you're an addict? Having your family's support is great, but since you've deceived them once you can do it again. The only wan not to use is by making sure that you don't have access to pills.
I can't criticize you for relapsing - I've lost count as to how many times I relapsed over the years. However, I am concerned about your vague post. It really tells us nothing, thus we can only make vague suggestions relative to helping and supporting you, and as such can't do much about you relapsing again.

K

[Tank78]

After going back and reading my post, i completely agree with it being vague! As i stated i do not take them while i am at work, i have recently started coaching football at the local high school. Our players arw subject to weekly drug ans alcohol screening as well as the coaches. I have declined coaching in the previous years but with my ups and downs in teyinf to quit, i seen this as an oppurtunity to be involved in something i love as well help me personally with my addiction. I have cut my ties with the source to the pills, but at the same time they are every where around me and i have to become metally strong for i can delete a number out of my phone but can not erase the number out of my head for i remeber every locker combination i ever had through school. So i feel that i have to battle the urge to call on my own. As far as a sponser i dont know anyone for some people in my life are battling the same issue and wish not to quit. I have my wife but like i have mentioned she is at her ends with it. For after treatment i am just now involving my self with the support group offered through my job. I have come to grips with its not ok to just take a couple every now and then just because of a bad day. Im 28 years old and want to prove to myself first and foremost that i put my self in this hole and that i will fight like hell (apologize for language and for offending anyone) to over come what seems to me as the biggest obstacle i have faced tgus far in my life. I understand the odds are against me and that more changes are needed and i understand that i have tried to quit before and have failed, but i do refuse to compare this time to the previous times i have tried because i will not let my past failures impact my victory to over come this. I look at the previous attempts as i know what didnt work. I thabk you al for your words of encouragement and advice!!!!

[ricart70]

Good attitude tank !!   You can beat the odds friend ;)

[selfinduced]

I totally believe in you! You know the drill and it sounds like your ready. The coaching will be a great incentive and distraction. Your young and you certainly don't want to be facing this 10 years from now. Good for you that your addressing this now. Keep posting ok?

[kyle505]

A sponsor is someone who you get along with who is also a recovering addict; you meet them at NA Meetings. And even if you don't get a sponsor, after care is a very important part of recovery.
And finally, I have to caution you - being strong, not letting your past failures impact your victory...none of that applies to addiction. If you truly are an addict, you will never beat addiction. No matter how strong you are, or think you are, addiction is stronger. Granted, we are able to manage our addiction, and that takes work, every single day. The minute we think that we've won that's when we open ourselves to relapse. As Sarah says, keep your guard up.
I admire your courage, and believe that you really want this. Just be cautious and do everything that you can to push the dealers as far away as possible.
All the best.
K

[Tank78]

I believe whole heartedly in not letting my past disrupt my future victories, and what defines an addict?? I do not believe that there is a true definition of an addict, and i dont believe that all addicts are the same and that everyone deals and overcomes things in many different ways, i might not beung doing things according to the way you feel is the right way to overcome this, but i have to do what works for me and this is fully day two and i will continue my progress

[selfinduced]

Hey Tank, Just checking in. How ya feeling?

[youwho451]

I hope you are okay today, Tank 78. I am on my fifth day of tramadol withdrawal. This is going to be hard, because family is coming to visit on Saturday and I have no clue what I will feel like. It is so terribly tempting to tell yourself you can take it that one time. ..especially when you have legitimate pain. Personally, when I get through the physical part, I may go to N/A. The forums are wonderful here, but I may need face to face. I really hope you are all right.

[Tank78]

I failed yet again, feeling scared like i im not strong enough have dr apointnent on monday for help

[Tank78]

Doc appointment made for monday, i have meeting information and actually was able to talk to someone this morning that runs the meetings and going to try all options at this point