shame

[tina49028]

ive been clean for 3 months, sometimes it feels like day 1, went to brothers funeral today and while there someone there brought up somethings from my past they discovered. now on top of feeling grief, im overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, and shame. more than anything else I just want to take oxys so I can veg out and not feel

[tina49028]

thank you for all the advice. I just feel so horrible for the things ive done, knowing people know makes it 10 times as bad,  basically a family friend went into my former job where I was the mgr,and asked where I was, and they told her I was fired for theft, which I dont think they are suppose to do,they have also told 3 different people that have called to check my references

[toxictome]

Good job on 3 months clean....I am working on the shame and guilt, too!!! I DO KNOW that it won't get any better if I go back out there...so keep hanging around and sharing...

[natalile]

This is totaly normal what your feeling, It been par of an addict, There a comfort zone, The feeling's your getting back are something you haven't had to deal with well been a addict. This is the dander zone " i call it ". Manly due to fact i never make it past this stage. I have now ( kinda ). Just keep up the hard work 3 month's is a long time. (for me ) i'm on 24 day's. But i have dealt with some of the **** in my life. Guilt like you is a bigg.my mum told me at cristmas. ( only because she couldn't stay to my house she was to ill ). Enyway i couldn't cope with it all. I messed up. But since newyear i have been ok ). Just try & deal with 1 thing at a time. & look at it this way your now clean. You have come along way. That's sumat to be proud of
Peace nat xxx

[addictedme]

I relate to what your saying. My father died a couple mos ago and my family tends to treat me like I'm in active addiction regardless of yrs clean,a relapse  and another year clean,complete involvement in a program ,,all that doesnt seem to matter.They say "those that matter dont judge and those that judge dont matter" but thats a little harder when its family. Caring about one telling another is mostly about ego with me. Maybe if you told just one person your secrets it would help. I dont know you so I cant say who to tell ,,religous,,a preacher,,a 12 step program,,your sponser,,pro counsler,,you want to do the right thing or you wouldnt be here,,ya just gotta figure out whats right for you so post,,sit back and think about the advice you get,,gl

[ruby441]

We have all done things that we are not proud of...it wasn't the real you. Forgive yourself! That person ought be ashamed of themselves for bringing such garbage to a funeral.

ruby441

[tina49028]

its not there opinion im worried about,its them knowing and telling others things I thought were secret. I know secrets keep us sick,but this secret involves theft at my last job,and I didnt want my family knowing. they already think the worst of me.

[GoingToMakeIt]

3 months clean is such a big deal. Do not throw away all of that hard work. It is not worth it.

[ruby441]

Very sorry about the loss of your brother. Be kind to yourself & by doing so stay away from the oxy. Be proud of yourself & remember what it has taken to get to this place. Don't let one persons opinion bring you down. Take a hot bath, light some candles in remembrance of your brother & then go to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.

ruby441