Disappointed

[acesmom]

Good morning everyone.
Well I messed up my taper. When I started back teaching my dosage slowly created bck up to about 20mg a day. I teach special ed and my co teacher this year is unable or refuses to help with any.of the physical work. So it is up to me to lift a child that is at least 85lbs and as tall as me.to the toilet and back to.her wheelchair. Don't get me wrong I love my work and my babies but it is tough on me being in 5 ft and 115 lbs. My plan is to start back my taper today. I'm going to ask God for strength to help get thru this. I was so close. I want to cry just thinking about hw hard it was to get to where I was and I let it creep back up. I can do this I know.I can. But definitely going to be tougher now since I'm back.at.work.  please help me with my taper. I got to get off here and get dressed for work.
God bless  and I hope you all have a wonderful and peaceful day

[VICourageous]

I just read through this post and I have to agree with many above about taking a jump now.

I ran into a old friend, whom I had not seen in over 5yrs. He ask me if I was still tapering..Ha! That was what I told him for over 10yrs ago. NEVER could I do it alone or even do a Taper!!! I finally got down to 30mg off the Methadone and jumped with 2 other meds, only 3yrs ago. If I would of only listen before, I would of been jumping from just hydos and nothing else. It all lead me higher and higher up to adding more drugs to make it stretch and last. Please take in what we all have to say..Wishing you the best!
Bless
Vickie

[jifmoc]

So what's your plan now?

[Frogger76]

Hi there!! Just wanted to thank you for the work you do, my son is autistic, I know the time, patience and care that goes into it. Sure wish the world was filled with more folks like you. Good luck to you! God bless...

[acesmom]

Jerry it is 10 mg and thanks the encouragement helps. And ArmyWifeMomOf4 thank you for encouraging kind words and advice. I had actually started the weight training before my wreck in March but after my car accident I have not started  back. And my babies at work are special to me. I have no doubt I am just where God wants me to be. So many just look over or thru them. But I get so excited for each of their accomplishments whether it's educational or personal. The glow in their eyes means the world to me. And the home schooling I understand that too but sorry for the reason you had to do it. One of my students who has downs synd time  her mother started home schooling her  once she moved on to the middle school bc she wanted her to stay  with me. And that right there makes me know what I do is worth it..I still go visit her and her mom when I can. The weight is different the particular child I am speaking of  has hard time griping things so is unable to hold on to me. But I am going to smile each morning I get up for blessing me with my kids. Still praying to get my personal  journey soon. Hope you all have a wonderful  day.

[Jerry198]

what is the MG of the pill you are taking now? and congrats on getting down to the single dose.

[ArmyWifeMomof4]

Girl I completely understand. My back is shot and my older son uses a wheelchair. I don't think people understand it isn't normal weight you lift either. It is almost dead weight. He can hang on to me but that's al the help I get. I totally believe you on people not helping you at school either. Thank God for people like you!! I ended up pulling all my kids out of school because of the way they dealt with him. I home school them all now. I wish I had someone like you for his class!! The best thing I started doing so I could get off pills was learn different ways to lift. I started care training and strength training. He is only going to get bigger. Lol. I also started PT and dry needling to help. It is a long process but it works and I do not use pills.

[acesmom]

Thanks . I feel like I let eveyone each time I post that I just didn't bite the bullet and go cold turkey. I did stick to one pill for the last 3 days. Just wanted post and update everyone. Thanks so much gnarly

[Jerry198]

So what do you think take the last one today?? I promise you will feel better on Monday you are at such a low dose just normal OTC pain meds will work just take them at the same time you were dosing before even get the same shaped pill its just a mental thing you have the power RIGHT NOW to end this and give yourself the clarity you needed best wishes.

[acesmom]

Sorry about the typos my phone is crazy

[acesmom]

Thanks again everyone. I know you are all right. I get down to such a low dose then gradually creep back up. I got down to half a pill. It was hard but I did it. And I'm sure there will never  be an optimal time to just stop. I wish wish wish i.had did it this summer before I went back to.work. I just have to be able to lift my sweet girl at work and DOTN want to be too weak and risk dropping her. I have been fighting at work to get the help I am entitled to. Anyay i.start my day here each day to remind me how much support I have in you guys and to let you all know I appreciate so much you taking the time to talk to ms
God bless

[dominosarah]

Nothing changes if nothing changes.  Time to step out of that so called comfort zone and do something about this.  Your way got you here in the first place and your way is still keeping you down.

[jifmoc]

What Jethro, Jerry, Danny said....YES! Acesmom- you have been struggling w/ this for FOUR YEARS. You must be exhausted. Time to rip the bandaid off.

[jethro733]

Honestly, tapering from 20mgs just seems purposeless.  You'll not really notice any difference in jumping at 10 as opposed to 20.  Jump screw your eyes up and rip that plaster off Acesmom.  You'll be so glad you did after a week has passed and you won't be in such a horrible limbo.  

[Jerry198]

Your holding yourself back with this taper and you will need that on pill for weeks to come if you don't just do it... So maybe make a real plan and take one tonight then one at noon Friday then just suck it up over the weekend and get moving but tip toes around only DRAGS THIS OUT ..

[Danny111]

Hey Aces,

The thing you need to remember is that the fear of the wd's is worse than the reaility.  Your body isn't any different from everyone else's.  The wd's are bad for everyone.  Nobody likes em.  But they aren't unbearable.  They're just a bummer and then they're done.  The addiction makes you feel like you can't deal with them.  But you can.

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl  good to see you post....tapering can be difficult most cant do it  and thats why most just jump ship.....the best way I know to do it is slow  and make a chart to track your progress   you cant yo/yo your dose up and down  you got to stick with it sick or not   there is no completely comfortable way to do this so keep that in mind  if you can get someone to hold them for you will really help  that way you dont have them to screw up your taper  keep posting for support and remember you haven't lost the war as long as your willing to fight
................................................Gnarly......................................

[acesmom]

Thank you everyone. I know I need to do something different. And I do believe it is fear of the wds that is paralyzing my progress. I get symptoms feom the smallest of reductions. Wish my body wasn't so crazy like that. But I AM NOT GIVING UP and I appreciate all of you and your help

[jethro733]

I have to second what has been said above me by Jifmoc.  Just jump, 20mgs is a low dose and it sounds like The Fear is what is holding you back more than anything else.  Don't feel bad about that though, The Fear is what kept us all on the rollercoaster when it'd have been more pragmatic to just let go and surrender to the process.

[jifmoc]

Acesmom- I cannot agree more w/ Danny. Your way doesn't work. For some reason, and this is something only you can figure out, you refuse to do cold turkey. You are on such a low dose. I recall you still took 1/2 a pill daily in your attempt to taper. You are attached to tapering, regardless of how tiny the dose is and I don't know why that is.

Are you wanting to quit for you? How badly do you want to be done? Honestly, I think your refusal to do ct is your excuse to keep using. That's what we addicts do, come up w/ excuses. I know that is direct, but seems to me you've been spinning your wheels. For years, right?

Things change when we get brutally honest. And when we take a different and uncomfortable action. I hope the best for you:)

[acesmom]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I got off work half day today for an mri of my ankle that I injured in a wreck  back.in March in a car accident. There was no back up plan for my sub at work ans our nurse says its not.in jer job description to help with ths lifting and transFer of students. I worry about them like they are my own when  not there. But I had to get my ankle checked out bc it's still swells and bruises when I use it too much which is almost daily. I wear a brace that helps some. Yes it's time to stop. I will ask my husband to hold them or another thing I did today is just not take any.to.work with me. I went thru alot of prescription ibuprofen today. But I'm determined. I appreciate all your advice. One thing I did notice is that when I stopped reading and posting here is when it was easier for my dosage to slip back up. Yall are my support system

[Danny111]

Hey Acesmom,

Sorry you're having trouble.  I have to agree with Jerry and Vicki.  If you want different results you have to do this differently.  It honestly sounds like your best options by far are either to have someone else control all of your pills or just go cold turkey.  

CT ***** but is over in a fairly short time.  Personally there's no way in heck tapering would have worked for me.  It just takes way more self control than I had as an addict.

I don't want to sound like I don't think tapering works because that's not the case.  I've seen many people on here who were able to do it successfully.  In your case it hasn't worked therefore it would seem best to either change the way you're going at it or just go ct.

[vicki595]

Hi- I think it's time for you to do something different. I believe you want to get away from the pills and I know they're holding you captive but you've been at this for 4 years.  It's time for a change and a new plan.

First, you need to talk with your doctor. She can help with withdrawal symptoms by prescribing some "comfort" meds. Then you need to give up control of those pills as Jerry suggested.  I think it's time to just stop and get it over with, don't you?

[Jerry198]

the taper with you in charge of the pills?? kinda like letting the robber work at the bank, have someone help you if you can your mind will make excuses to up the dosage its looking for that feeling and your feeding it best wishes.

[againnot]

I've been where you are more times than I can remember!
Can someone hold your pills for you?  That helped me a lot.
It sounds like you are a very strong woman to do the kind of work that you do. (I mean mentally strong).
So pick back up, start again.  Ice, Advil, warm baths, massages....these things might help your back .
Take good care of yourself!