triggers...

[dyingtolive3]

Im on day 3 of my taper and not doing so well. ive been posting on the other sub. abuse/rehab board but this one seems much more active. i need to talk to people often to get through this. im afraid im going to fail. eeveryone around me is using it seems. i feel depressed and anxious and achy and my stomach is killing me. i feel like crying but the tears wont come anymore. im sick and i need help and i dont know where to turn. a dr told me years ago when i was dealing with an emotional issue that triggers for negative behaviors..whether they are drugs or anxiety or depression etc, is when you are feeling SICK HURT ANGRY LONELY ot TIRED. it spells SHALT....when anyone of those emotions hit we are tempted to act out. but here i am w/ding and feeling all of those things...it almost seems hopeless. im seriously thinking about an in patient facility to get me through this. but my family ..my kids i dont want them to know. and my job, i dont know how to manage rehand with them. sorry i guess im rambling.i just wish i had someone to talk to.

[littlebit667]

Are you prepared for the withdrawals??  There are some things you can have on hand to help you with this.  Here is a post I share that will get you started! I am so glad you came here for help.  It made all the difference for me!

I kept telling myself...YOU HAVE the FLU!  It will be over and I will feel so much better.  My brain seemed to get that and settled down a little.  It is hard, but doable!  The Thomas Recipe (bottom of the page) under Health Pages will help.  I had to cut back on the Ltryosine, but the rest really helped.  Imodium, Imodium, Imodium (liquid or pills if the liquid can't be found or you can't swallow it) will help.  I took double the dosage for a few days (personal choice) and it helped so much..even with the withdrawals in general and the opiate trots which sucked.  

Hydrate and eat! ((gatorade is good) Even if it is just a little every hour or so.(boost or ensure might work for both food and drink)  You have to eat something to keep your energy up as much as possible.  

If you have Restless legs..it is hit or miss what works.  Walking seemed to help me some.  Hot bath with epsom salts..a little.  I finally had to get my doctor to refill my restless legs meds (non addictive) to get some sleep.  If nothing works,your doctor might help.  Benedryl or OTC Alteril helps some with sleep issues and you will have them.

One hour at a time is all anyone can ask.  After 2 weeks it gets a little better and I started to say, One day at a time!  Your brain will do all sorts of things to get you to take a pill.  I found if I was hungry..the cravings got worse.  I would try to eat a banana, a few grapes or a few crackers to get that under control.

The hardest part comes after the detox.  Your brain will be all over the place and will try to get you back on the pills...It is having to work and not depend on the pills to help.  

Good for you.  I hope all goes well.  You have made a good start coming here....this site has helped me so much!!!  Keep posting!!!!!

[dyingtolive3]

thanks all for taking the time to write. i have 3 methadones left and am taking one a day. after that..im done totally and completely. so saturday will be my last one. i have a call into the psyhcologist i went to a number of years ago for some other issues i was having...but i expect it will take a little while for me to get an actual appointment with them. this all seems so foreign and strange. I dont know whats going to happen next week, i know i have to take oone day at a time and im trying to do that but wow..i cant see past these freaking pills.thanks again to each of you for your response. i will make it. i will someday be able to say like you are that i am 30 and then 40 and then 70 days clean . i cant wait.

[quitinoxys]

So do you have a planned quit date? In order to successfully taper you need to have a plan and stick to it. Another thing you should do is set yourself up with a good aftercare program. You can just tell your job you have the flu and you may need a couple of days off.

As far as being happy, it's the opiates that are probably making you unhappy as they give you a false sense of well being and when your brain craves more it will make you depressed until it's feed. So keep posting and  I will pray for you. God Bless---Rick

[weaver71]

I agree, telling my 10 and 8 year old children definitely made it more real for me. They love me high or not, but want their old dad back.

[scarlettbegonias]

Sounds like an In Patient place would be ideal for You!! Look these opiates are the friggin devil incarnate .... i was honest with my 10 and 8 year old and told them what i was doing when i decided to stop taking them .... honesty is always best .... and when they r older and someone offers them something..... they will remember the HELL you had to go thru to get to the other side.
This Junk is not going away.
A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with One Single Step xo
.......just making the next right decision is crucial xo
HUGSSS

[Pat1956100]

I know how you are feeling.  It's been about 40 hours since my last pill and the cravings are pretty strong.  I know that a couple of pills would make me feel better but only for a few hours and then I would be back to where I started.  I guess we have to think back to why we wanted to quit taking pills.  For me there were several reasons I wanted to quit.  I couldn't get out of bed without them.  I couldn't afford them.  I couldn't stand lying.  I needed more and more and could never seem to even feel high off of them anymore.  I was only taking them not to feel sick but I felt sick every day anyway.  

I think I could write many more reasons but those are just off the top of my head.
I can hardly wait until I enjoy the simple things again in life and not have to have pills to do that.
All of the feelings you have described, depression, anxiety etc. are part of withdrawal.  You will feel better after you get through them.
Taking anything right now will only prolong it.
I think I am talking to myself as well as you but it is all true.
Stay strong and keep posting.  There are several of us going through this right now and we can help each other.

[kyle505]

Since you've never been a happy person, it is good that you are getting professional help. That's a start.
And I know EXACTLY what you mean about watching other people (non-addicts) do normal things...I've posted about watching my wife and her mom sit for hours, putting together a jigsaw puzzle, laughing, talking, enjoying that simple task. A jigsaw puzzle!! But, there is life after pills; that was one of the things that frightened me most - how would I live without my Norco.  I'm six months clean, and enjoying every minute of every day - good days, bad days, doesn't matter. It sounds like you have a lot of positive things going on in your life, so, bottom line is it is up to you to decide if you are going to put another pill in your mouth. You have to figure out what moves you to the destructive behavior; make a plan, and move on. Be sure that you cut all sources, because during detox, and afterwards, you will be tempted, and if you can get pills, you may relapse. Keep posting.

[dyingtolive3]

thank you both for your replies. I have a few methadones i bought off the street a week ago and am taking one a day, have about 3 left. a week ago i was taking 12-15 lortab 10's a day. I miss that feeling. every cell in my body wants to be high. I watch people around me laugh and live and shop and cook and just 'live' and i wonder why they do it? how do they do it? Ive never been a 'happy' person so when i discovered pills i found 'happiness' for the first time. that euphoria was so new to me that it was easy to be hooked. Now i dont know when or how to be happy. I dont know how to find joy in anything. I am getting an appt with my shrink but they are closed this week and it will probably be  a month or so before they can fit me in so ive got to get through this on my own.I cant think of one single thing that makes me look forward to tomorrow. life seems pretty pointless...man am I pathetic or what...

[NowOrNever43]

You have it in you to beat this! It's ok to be nervous while going through withdrawals and to feel alone, I know I am nervous and I am not even 24 hours in yet! Sonrissa gave you some great advice above, immodium will definitely help with tummy troubles. Start takin vitamins and eat when u can. I am here if u you need to talk! Stay strong and keep posting!

[Sonrissa]

You can talk to us! What is your taper schedule? Are you able to talk to a doctor about this? I know how much you want this! It is very difficult with everyone around you still using! Are you taking all the vitamins/supplements from the Thomas Recipe? Exercise helps so much! Stay well hydrated!! Immodium helps with the stomach issues and more! I know you can make it! Stay strong!