what can i do to help my spouse and myself

[nlsroberts]

Me and my girlfriend have been with each other for almost 5 years. when we meet we were both using meth.
When i wanted a sober life, she didn't and vice viruses . It took my kids asking was i on drugs befor i realised i had a problem and from that point on i have been working on myself and left her behind . when she found out how good i was doing and seen that i meent that i wanted to be clean that's when she said she was ready. but i know she is not strong enough to do this and will not admitted . she thinks I'm week and I'm not. I'm stronger than i have been in my life about this choice . i have one problem tho . i truly love this girl. and i know she loves me to. when we r around eachother and dooing good she thinks its ok to get high when its only been a week maybe two. i fight with her and tell her no but then she still comes home with it and i then give in. it has caused so much in ou problems. r relationship.  i have done some things to her in our pass that most people would not forgive someone for. we r bot two women who is always determining that one is stronger than another and i know in my heart we bot are week. and we both need help. i have no problem with going for any help but i can't seam to convinces. her that she needs to give in and needs help to. I'm so ready to walk away from her but she makes me feel like i should put up with this until she has her self together just cuz of my past mistakes that she chosen to forgiven me for. im about to break and i want to be her for her but she will not give in to me or anyone at all

please help

[Gettingalifeagain]

Hi and welcome...my spouse of 13 years and I tried to quit drinking at the same time.  We were NEVER much on the same sobriety schedule.  Either he or I were drinking.  Our sober time together, like you, maybe only 2-3 weeks just didn't work.  One of us would cave.  There would be alcohol in the house when I was sober.  Unfortunately, our relationship ended by me making a decision to leave.  I would love to re write history.  I would have stayed had I gone to Alanon, and had aftercare for myself.  I would have had a separation time away from the alcohol, stayed with friends or parents, just to have a chance to work on me alone.  Because, down the road a few years later, I ended up taking another drink (and drug).  I had 5 years of sobriety at this time.
Because  I didn't lead by example as evolver u said, enabled my husband to drink, and jeopardized  my marriage.  Keep strong, just for today!

[EvolverU]

Hi there & Welcome :)

Thank you for posting! You're in the right place & I'm glad that you reached out. The first thing you gotta' understand is that if you Truly want to get & stay clean, you can NOT be in an environment (your home) where there is ongoing drug use. It's hard enough when you're trying to kick & you know where it is on the street! Having it in your face is a non-starter.

My friend, ariley13 above is right. You have to work on yourself first! Did you know that couples who try to kick together have a much lower statistical success rate? I spent many yrs. in various relationships where both myself & my SO (Significant Other) were addicted & our attempts at kicking always resulted in one pulling the other back under. It's hard enough kicking on your own. It's literally IMPOSSIBLE to do it for someone else. No amount of reasoning, cajoling, guilting, power-plays, promises or whatever will turn the tumblers in the other's lock!! I know that it's hard, scary & painful but it's the Truth! I believe that anyone on this forum who was involved in one of these relationships or who was a non-addict living with one will testify that until someone is Truly ready to detox & take the necessary steps to change their life, nothing will change & odds are that the situation & relationship will continue to deteriorate.

The very best thing that you could do for both of you is to lead by example. To stay in a relationship like this if you want to get clean is simply not feasible. Show her how to help herself by helping yourself & your kids! Staying in this environment is not only enabling her continued use but hurting you!

I'm so sorry for your situation. Hopefully, you'll be able to find it within yourself to do the courageous & loving thing for all of you. A new life of relative peace & self-respect awaits you. YOU'RE worth it. You ALL are! You Can do this if you want it! Please, let us know how you're doing & what you're thinking.

We're here & we're pulling for you! :)

[ariley13]

Hi there and welcome! Great job on taking your life back and getting clean. It sounds like your girlfriend might be having a little bit of jealousy? It also sounds like there is a bit of a power struggle going on in your relationship. I'm sorry that you are going through all of this. The best thing that you can do for you, your children, and your girlfriend is to set clear, precise boundaries. If she is serious about getting clean, then fantastic. Support her, but never, ever let anyone jeopardize your sobriety. You come first! This is the time for both of you to work on yourselves. A break is necessary sometimes to evaluate things and work on yourself as an individual. If it's meant to be you will come back together stronger than ever. If not, you will be clean and have a whole world of possibilities ahead of you. Please stick around here and keep posting. We are here for you. Take care and try to keep your head up.