i need help

[jayeye]

i have been using opiants for about 5 years now.  Like most people it started small.  one here and there, turned in to one or two an night which turned into a 5-7 through out the day. However the past 6 months i have been losing controll i am now up to 300mg a day.  I swallow and snort.  I guess what im asking is do i need rehab?  i know i have a problem and i except that. I also know i have a pretty tough fight a head of me.  I have never tried to kick it on my own.  but now im ready, i dont want to be a slave to this drug any more.  I want to live my life, it has cost me too much...i have not hit rock bottom yet bc i still have some money pay my pills and work....but i am just getting high every night.  i have about 10 suboxen five xanax(the bars) and some pins.....part of me thinks i have no shot at beatign it without rehab another part of me feels as if i can just take the subs for a few days lock myself in my room and stick to the thomas recipe i should be able to kick it.

Thoughts

[jayeye]

for what its worth the past 3 days i cut down to about 100-175 mg a day

[jayeye]

thanks viki....your right she already knows part of it.

i am going to start on the 2.....i have to wait until i can use my vacation days.......i took a week off.

im going to try this on my own....and if it does not work i am fully perpared to check myself into rehab.....i will keep posting for the support all of you wonderful people give....every day sh*** maybe evey hour when i start to go through it lol

im so scared.....i dont know what life is going to be like sober....i only know how to live high...its like i have to learn how to live again....the anxiety is killing me my mind is being flooded with thoughts at 100mph....i never thought anything would have me like these stupid pills

[vicki595]

Hi~  You've already told your GF about the pills,just not the extent. Stick with that and no more lies. Tell her you're going to stop and will be "sick" for a week or so. She'll be okay.  
Only worry about you now. Forget the sub. Give away or flush it. It's just never good to take sub without medical supervision. You need to be in major withdrawal anyway in order to induce it so...Just quit! You've got clonopin which will help and xanax which is not entirely cool but you know that. Try c/t on your own. Take time off from work.  Give it a shot.
You have to fight and you cannot isolate. This is about getting well. Get all the vits and amino acids. Read the health pages. There's a good article on at home detox. You can do this...many have and it won't kill you.

You'll get a lot of support here. Post all the time. We can get you through and advise you on what helps symptoms.  Stock up on everything you need beforehand. Then flush the pills and start drinking water and juices. The first 3-4 days will feel crappy and then gradually feel better.

Start now!!  You've got nothing to lose...

Vicki

[jayeye]

i will i really find places like this helpful it is part of the reason i decided to kick it. one of the many,

nobody really knows what its like if they havent experianced it...a non addict could never understand what stopping this drug is like

thanks again ibkleen...i'll let you guys know what i decided to do

[IBKleen]

I can only tell you what worked for me and for me it was, and still is honesty. My lies always come back to haunt me.

I am glad you are looking for help and any way you get it is good.

Stick around so you can hear from other members.

[jayeye]

she does know i use she just dosent know the extent she thinks its still a vic here and there...i would kinda rather go thru the treatment and tell her about my fight after im better.  i dont want her to turn away from me because of this...im tempted to tell her im going on a vacation or having a surgury or something.

i tried to break the news to my mother the other day. i started off by telling her im thinking about going away for a month to get better.  She thought i was talking about depression(my family thinks thats why i isolate myself).  She said it was a great idea to go for the depression you have its not like its for drugs.....i couldnt finish what i called to tell her after that.  

i feel disgusted mainly because just like everybody else i never thought it would happend to me. esp since i saw my mother drink the family apart when i was growing up.  I was so anti addiction and then i let it consume me.

[IBKleen]

Why do you feel disgusting? Addiction is a disease and just like any other disease, it needs treatment.

I don't know how you are going to keep this from your girl and continue with your recovery. The addiction does not stop when you put the pills down, nor does it stop when you leave rehab. Unfortunately hun, you will deal with this in one form or another for the rest of your days.

Remember that secrets keep us sick and if you want to tell her, get some good information together and let her read it so she understands what you are going through.

[jayeye]

thank you for the support.  its a lonely road.

thats the problem i have been having i think if i dont do rehab i will end up relapsing.....i know i wont be able to get the mental healing process going without help and support and im not going to get that by detoxing myself.

its just so hard to come to terms with it and let everybody know the secert ive been living with for so long.

i got back with a girl that i love more then anything and i dont want her to know...and honestly i want to be clean because i want her to get the best of me...i want to give her the best of me...and right now i cant do that...and until i fix myself i am going to keep going thru relationships and getting hurt...which leads to more using.


what can i tell these people...i really dont want to tell them i'm going to rehab...i can get time off work thats not a problem and my insurance will cover most of it...i dont want to lose this girl by telling her...oh im sorry we need to put this on hold while i go to rehab....it makes me feel so disgusting

[IBKleen]

Hi and Welcome,

Sure, you can lock yourself in your room and get through the physical withdrawal but than what? You are not able to get to the root of the problem that caused you to use drugs in the first place and that takes professional help.

If you can afford to go to a treatment center, I am all for it. If you can't afford treatment, you can go ct and get into an outpatient program. Either way, please be certain to get support after you put down the pills.

You DO have your whole life ahead of you. Now is a great time to get it started. Best of luck and hope you stick around.