Need to Tell my husband - UPDATE

[Leah1964]

Wish I was reporting that I Have told him, but I haven't yet.  I got in late yesterday afternoon and it just never seemed like the right time.  His long day at work, my sleepless exhausting and long drive.  We had a good night overall.  Lortab is in the bathroom med cabinet - funny thing is I really HAVE NOT been tempted toward it in the least.  Maybe being miserable in these w/d's and knowing that I will have no other source when I get home, maybe I really have made this decision.  I don't know.  I really to want to get to the other side of this thing and taking them will only prolong my agony.    I AM prepared in moment I feel tempted to make him take them away.  
Regarding tell him/not telling him, don't know if I am in denial about the gravity of my problem, pride, or other trust issues relating to his infidelity.  I really have shut down a lot emotionally since it happened - we are working on it, wanting to be connected again.  I am sure eating those pills didn't help foster any healthy emotions regarding our issues.  So not sure.  Thanks for everyone's prayers, and encouragement!  I will post again.  

On another positive note, I think I slept appx 4-6 hours last nite - like 2 or 3 and then 2 or 3.  Even at that sleep has never seemed so good and so welcome.  I took 2 5mg melatonin.  Praise God!

[Dafishman]

Awesome!!

The devotion you guys did is a great start for you two to heal. If he dosent offer another one tomorrow take the lead ask him in a loving way to do another. It should encourage him too.

About the little devils in the med cabinet, well sister I am going to shoot straight from the hip here. For me, there is no way I could have them in the house. They always ended up in my mouth being chewed. I always told myself " well keep them just in case I have a bad pain day - or - if I get hurt I don't want to have to go to the Dr". That was my stupid addict behavior that kept me in my miserable addiction many years trying to control pills. The enemy was at work lying to me telling me don't toss them you are so strong now. You have proved that you dont have to take them because you have a few clean days.  You are in control now.

WHAT A CROCK!!

My suggestion is to FLUSH THEM - 100%. You have come so far and are already getting better so why even chance having the enemy around. It's like finding a venemous snake in your own back yard and only cutting its tail off instead of the head.  The danger is still there. It might be a good idea for you to check your motives for keeping them.

Take care & God bless,

Dafish

[taperme]

The best thing you can do to help yourself stay clean is to tell him. If he's been unfaithful than he of all people shouldn't be judgemental....he's made some mistakes himself. I think telling him will only bring you peace and make it easier for you.

[Leah1964]

Thanks for the prayers and encouragement girls.  I am beginning to expect good things; hope is rising little by little, day by day.  We did a devotion together and prayed this morning.  It was about the 'light and momentary afflictions being only temporal'  It helps to remind me that this too will pass, and to focus our 'eyes on not what is seen, but what is unseen.'  God is a great source of our strength and encouragement as we let him strengthen and encourage us.  The key being 'letting Him.'  I have leaned on my own source for so long and it hasn't produced much good.  It's a new day!  Blessings and thanks to both of you!

[refusingbondage]

Congrats on all your progress.  I just want to chime in that when I told my fiancee it really really lifted a huge burden.  First, he already knew I was out of control, I was just too consumed in my own BS to notice that he knew. Second, he was a pillar of strength and support to me during w/drawal.  And believe me, I did not expect it.  He is not the easiest person to get along with and basically thinks addiction is just for weak minded people.  BUT he amazed me in his support, and I actually think it kind of made him feel good that I was trusting him and that HE needed to take care of ME, that I wasnt so super human after all.  Best of luck.

[micheleTX]

Hey Leah :)  Glad to hear you made it okay on the drive.  I know how hard this is going to be for you.  I was lucky I guess that both my husbands were drug addicts with me...they already knew what I was taking and such.,.anyway, sounds like you are doing wonderful, what with lortab being in the house and you not wanting it.  Dont touch it!!  It will only prolong the ordeal, and you will probably feel horribly guilty if you do.  Not to tell you what to do, just my opinion okay?  I care about you, and want you to feel better!!  Great luck to you when you do talk to him, he is lucky to have a woman like you, especially after what he has done.  I don't know what I would do in that situation.  But you are very strong, I can tell.  Stay that way!!  I will be praying for you today, just don't stress too much over it, and go ahead and tell him.  What the heck.  Please post again later.  I will be gone much of the day, its grocery shopping day here.  Love and hugs sent your way xoxoxo  Michele