...your children...

[LIZZIE LOU]

my daughter in law was diagnosed at age 12 with bi-polar disorder....yes, age 12.  i met her a little over 3 years ago and i just couldnt "accept" that she was bi-polar...seemed to be something else going on in her life.  over time, it became VERY obvious that she was truly troubled...so i decided to love her...build a trust with her...and try and help her.  

she became pregnant and had my grand-daughter at the end of december.  this is when things really began to spin out of control.  her behavior was bizarre, to put it nicely.  after madison was born...she became a recluse...refusing to leave the house...basically spending 24 hours a day in her room WITH the baby.  all the ppl that she loved and trusted became "the enemy" and she did everything that she could to push us away...but i held steadfast...kept letting her know that i loved her and she could trust me.  let me go ahead and say that yes i was extremely worried about post partum depression but still felt as if there was another demon in her soul.

slowly but surely...michelle began to trust me once again and we began to develope a completely different relationship than we had before the pregnancy.  there were little tid bits of information that she would throw out about her family life growing up and then there were things that made me wonder if she had been molested as a child.  during a wonderful conversation that we were having one evening...i had the perfect opportunity to question her about my concerns.  she opened the flood gates and told me as much as she could that evening about her past.

i'll try and make this as short as possible

my daughter in law's father is a raging alcoholic and has been for her entire life.  her mother enabled him for most of her childhood and emotionally abused her two daughters by pawning them off on relatives so that she could chase this man around.  michelle had to witness the beatings her mother endured.  she would hide under the kitchen table and pray that God would take her life so that she didnt have to see this happening to her mom...and she was under the age of 10.  she would run and hide in the woods, hoping that her mom would still be alive when her dad passed out and she felt it was safe to return to the house.  michelle never felt loved or protected.

during this same conversation, michelle admitted that she was molested as a child and that even though she had, later on in life, told her mother about this...nothing was ever done to help her.  michelle never felt loved or protected.

michelle herself turned to drugs at an early age to help dull the pain that she had felt as a child.  she became very sexually active, searching for the love and protection that she so desperately had searched for her whole life.  she has been clean for several years.  michelle never felt loved or protected.

my daughter in law was fortunate that she married my son...she now had a mother in law that was going to step up to the plate and make sure she got the help she needed.  i have her in therapy with a psychologist and she is making great strides trying to recover from her life as the daughter of an addict and the emotional abuse that she went through.  michelle is not bi-polar...she has been suffering from post traumatic stress disorder for YEARS.

if you are looking for a reason/motivation to end your addiction...please read this post again.  addiction affects your family...your children...and everyone around you.  not everyone's story is this severe...and it is alot worse than i have stated...but we are ALL affected by your addiction.

michelle finally feels loved and protected...but it's a shame that it never came from her own parents.

[avisg]

Denise when you were younger there was not near as much knowledge of child sexual abuse its been only about twenty years now that they have really started shining the light on child sexual abuse .

Lizzie I am so glad she is getting therapy that will help you from spending the rest of her life dwelling in it and not moving on .Some people get stuck in the abuse and it ends up ruining there entire live .Which is so sad they have already lost part of there life they don't want to give the abuser the power to ruin the rest of her life.

[narla]

People sometimes don't see whats in front of their eyes,when I was being abused I left "hints" that something was wrong I was only 7 when it started and I used to write "help me" on my school books,I'd just get in trouble off the teacher for defacing my books no one asked me why.Even when I was 12 and tried to commit suicide no one asked why,I had no counselling even then to try and find out why,my mother just yelled at me for taking her tablets,and yes I had to be hospitalized and have my stomach pumped,people either miss the signs or ignore them,who knows.

Denise-P.S. you are a hero,you saw there was something else troubling this girl.

[LIZZIE LOU]

thank you all...but i'm no hero.  i'm just a mom who saw a battered child somewhere in those beautiful eyes of hers.

for those who know me...they know i am a "fixer"...lol...you got a problem?  i'll fix it :)

for years i enabled my children's addiction...all in the name of "love" (and not knowing any better).  this is just a way i can help without hurting.

[beatingthis]

How great are you? My heart and my prayers are with you and yours. Funny I know a girl that was abused by her step dad and to this day I still don't know how I missed it.
Nobody knew until she had a child of her own and flipped out when he came to see the baby.
It was a little girl. Years this went on.
her real dad was my boyfriend for 6 years. How in heck did I miss it. She would stay the weekend with us, he told her if she told anybody he would kill her brother.
Lizzie you are a true hero!

Terry

[vicki595]

Lizzie~  You've saved that girl's life.  Love and protection are such basic needs yet so elusive for many.  You are strong and intuitive...she's very lucky.
Thanks for sharing~
Vicki

[avisg]

There are far too many people being miss diagnosed with BP disorder .They did it to me when I was have sever postpartum depression after i had my second child they had me doped up for a year and a half i did not know whether I was coming or going .Luckily I moved and found a doctor that really took the time to go threw my records and listen to me he said he did not think I was suffering from BP at all he got me off all of the meds I have never had a problem since then.  That was ten years ago.As for children and bp I would not belive it at all. I would get several opinions before letting any doctor medicate my child with all of the meds .I hardly remember my sons first year the only way I do is in pictures .

[narla]

So many of us that have addictions have also had abuse as children to deal with,It's our way of coping,I wish I had a mother-in-law like you,I could have dealt with everything 30 years ago.I'm so glad you are there for her.

Best wishes  Denise

[SophieShine]

OMG Lizzie, I have tears falling down my cheeks right now reading this story, feels like you're telling mine except that the father was my step father who abused emotionally from me and the one who molested me sexually was his brother.
I really wish I had a mother in law like you, you're doing an incredible job!
Take care of your family Sweetie. Thanx A LOT for sharing this.
xoxoxo. sophie.

[micheleTX]

thank you for sharing that Lizzie!  Very sad that her parents were that way..and you are absolutely correct.  Addiction affecs everyone around you!  I myself had to grow up with addicted parents, fortunately for me they were loving and protecting and very supportive, but alas, alcoholic.  I have and did have problems with that my whole life...and it made me go right into the same addiction that they had.
Anyway, I am really glad to hear she is getting the help she needs now to overcome her past, I will pray for her and kudos to you for being such a wonderful mother in law!  I wish everyone could have a mother-in-law like you!!  I will be praying for your family and hoping that everyone can heal from this!  Great luck to you,
Michele