Alcoholic Husband-When Should I Leave Him?

[babypooh]

Hello,
My husband is an alcoholic.  We've been together for 7 years, married 4.  He was a recovering alcoholic when we met and started drinking again shortly before our wedding.  I asked him to leave once about a year ago, but I was weak and allowed him to come home after only  4 days.  He gets really angry and loud when he drinks.  He has gone out with our son perfectly fine only to come back and he's all drunk already.  It makes me mad that he does that when he's with our son, driving! He's called me names infront of our son, infront of my family...We went out one time, he was sober; then he stopped to get Chinese Food and came out of the restaurant drunk (he drinks hard liquor). I got out of the car, left the door open so he wouldn't drive off before I could get my son, but he drove off anyway.  Scary stuff has happened.  He's gone to AA meetings, never keeps going.  Swears he will change. When he's sober, he's the best husband and father, but because I want us to stay together, I think maybe I should ask him to leave again and not let him come live here again until he's been sober for a few months.  He's gone 4 months without drinking before, but then he starts again.  Recently he stopped from February until two weeks ago.  Now he does it every time he's off work.  He drove with our son like that two weeks ago.  He apologized and gave a heartfelt speech, then later that night, he drank again and acted dumb, angry, screaming, crying... I don't know what to do.
Should I ask him to leave?  I have tried talking to him.  He just tells me to stop and that he's sorry, that he knows he has a problem.  He doesn't really allow me to express myself. He actually has the nerve to get upset that I "nag" him about it like he says.  I don't know how else to help him.  I keep forgiving him, talking to him, suggesting things...
How else can I help him without asking him to leave?

[lynda544]

I so disagree. Life is not all about being happy. Life is about doing what is right! Once you marry someone and have children you have a responsibility to try to make it work with your partner, even if it is not always fun. Some men find girlfriends because they can't deal with the reality of "real" life and commitment. Have fun with your opportunity at life and make sure YOU get what you deserve.

[getreal76]

Wow, so only the person who feels cheated on can break the marriage, otherwise, God doesn't honor that decision. So a man is unhappy in his relationship, but feels tied to the home, due to children, finances and just out of blame habit...he finds a girlfriend, someone he can really talk to, who he is attracted to and he becomes intimate with her...under your theory, he is to remain in that marriage, and can only leave if his wife files for divorce due to his adultery?  You are kidding me right...if you're unhappy, get out...doesn't matter who did what..if you aren't happy you need to move on and be happy. You can never love someone you don't love..it doesn't work that way...people fall out of love, people change. Although I think you would rather have people stay in something that is not fulfilling, just because god says so...we're human, we make mistakes and we don't remain the same throughout life, how incredibly naive of you. I want the choice to leave or stay and if I'm no longer in love with my spouse, if I am no longer attracted to them and would be giving them less than they deserve, then it is my duty to leave and allow them to have an opportunity at a life!

[tbird0601]

Alcoholism, Drug Addiction it's all the same !!!! It's not about what we use, it's about why we do. Acohol is a DRUG. Addiction is a disease of the mind ! We desire the need to escape reality as we see it. We cary shame and guilt with us all the time.  T

[tbird0601]

Don't allow your son to be predisposed anymore than he has. The key is to be proactive and stop playing the victim. It's about your innocent child not you or your husband. His behavior will have alot more impact then you may realize. I would ask him to leave and not come back until he gets help. Seems to me that aa is not enough right now, demand he goes into at least a 28day treatment program to give him a jumpstart into recovery. I promise this will only help him return to you and your son in a healthy way sooner. Alcoholism is a disease of the mind, without a Higher Power and AA we are doomed to a life filled with resentment, shame, and guilt. In his mind right now it's all about him, not you or your son. GET HIM INTO A TREATMENT PROGRAM ASAP !!!!
                                                                                                                         T

[Shey887]

I really understand where you are coming form.  I am in the same situation.  My husband drank when I met him, but so did I .  I didn't drink everday but he did.  I quess it didn;t bother me as much then, because I was young when I met him and didn;t realize how drinking would become a problem in the future.  As time went on I realized how bad drinking was because I have children, a steady job and ZI want more out of life.  I knew my husband was an alcoholic when I me him and later I discovered he was also a drug addict.  He recovered from the drug addiction but not the alcoholism.  Sometimes I wonder if he's using the alcohol to cover up the drug addiction

[sandy1962]

I wanted to thank you for sound biblical advice, I also live with a alcholic and I am a christian who believes like you, I don't want a divorce or to leave but it is so hrd to live with he is so sweet generous and kind in the morning but when I get home he is already drinking and slurring it's like he's not there he get's mad easily what can I say it is awful and  I am lonely it is such a empty life I feel like I can't take it anymore I love him so much and I really feel sorry for him I'm not as angry anymore I have a condo and I thought I should leave I don't want a divorce but maybe he will wake up if I go I really need to pray about this it's hard either way.

I hope I am making since I am at my wits end and I love everyones comments thank you all it has helped me I feel all alone!
Sandra